Encounter
by Norwalker
Summary: Rewrite of a previous BW story posted here earlier. Wasn't happy with that version. Anyway, to recap...the two best friends haven't seen each other in years... the why's and what happens when they meet up again are contained in the story...
1. Part 1

Encounter

By Norwalker

Part 1 of

Summary: A little tale of Buffy and Willow post "Chosen" (like about 10 years after). Really don't like writing too much about the story in the summary, but it's been a long time since the old best friends have seen each other. What happens? Read on.

Rating: R probably for language, adult themes, and some sex stuff.

Category: It's Willow and Buffy… you gotta ask? Ok, Angst/Romance/Drama.

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own the characters. I get nothing from this except the pure satisfaction of telling a story. Don't blame them if the story sucks.

Warning: Adult themes, suggested violence, sexual situations. Lovemaking between members of the same gender. Not for children… if you're ten, you really shouldn't be reading this!

Author's note: This is somewhat a rewrite of the original story " Encounter". Somewhat, because I kept the parts I liked, and rewrote the other parts. I wasn't pleased with the first posting of this story, so I went back and rewrote what I didn't like in the first one. I think it's better, but it might not be any better. Guess I'll let you judge it. Anyway, If you read this story before, the first part( part 1) is essentially unchanged. Part 2 is totally new. Part 3 has the good parts of that section, and Part 4 is new… and unlike the first time, it's not finished( sigh, Why do I do this to myself? Don't I have enough unfinished stories to finish?). Anyway, hoping you enjoy this one better….. Norwalker.

* * *

Willow Rosenberg sat in the New Orleans' caf staring at her food, playing with her fork. She was supposed to be having a good time, that was the whole point of this little jaunt she'd arranged for her staff. They were celebrating a particularly good year at WillNet, and damned if she wasn't trying to do her best to get into the spirit of it. _After all, this is New Orleans, baby. The Big Easy. Home of jazz, and parties, and all the mysticism I could want. So, when do the snoopy happy dance feelings kick in? When do I start squealing in geeker joy over some obscure find? Why would I rather be home, looking out over the bay, or reading a good book. Or taking a walk, or doing some spell, or digging into some program looking for flaws? I'm in one of the totally coolest cities in America, home to major mojo central, and I'm almost as happy as a vampire needing a root canal. Vampire? Goddess, why did I think of that? Haven't done the vampire thing in so long… ok, must be the Big Easy. The occult energy coming off this city is phenom. Still… weird. Well, all I can say is I gotta be the Queen of Party poops… I just hope I'm not spoiling it for the rest of the gang._

Willow actually never planned on coming on this trip. She just wanted to reward her senior staff for really going the extra mile, and with the year they had, she could more than afford it. Frankly, her company was well on its way to becoming one of the top network security consulting firms on the West Coast, possibly the country. Since her startup nearly 7 years ago, she's watch her shoestring, seat-of –your-pants startup transform into a major player , opening offices in San Diego, Phoenix, Seattle and Los Angeles in addition to the main office in San Francisco. She'd developed a 512 bit encryption algorithm that was virtually unbreakable(unless you had a million or so years with supercomputers to spare). No one thought it possible, but she'd done it. But then she wasn't your typical computer geek to begin with. The program was proprietary, worked on multiple platforms, and was written so tight as to be virtually crash proof. She'd built an entire security suite around it, and had demonstrated it at various trade shows around the country. The orders had been pouring in, and she was seriously considering branching out offices in the West, South and East. To put a fine point on it, she was getting rich, fast.

But she didn't forget those people who'd stuck by her in the lean years, and they were sharing in the wealth. Her original partners, Chris and Jana both owned 15% shares in the company. Other senior members had lesser stakes, but on all she owned herself about 51%… just enough to keep controlling interest. It was her baby after all. But everyone was doing well, and it made her happy they were. So, to really cap things off, she arranged a trip to New Orleans for her senior staff. This was her family, and she liked them spending time together in social settings. It made for a happier, tighter workplace.

But she herself? So not into the big socializing thing. She preferred a quieter, simpler life. Maybe it was an overreaction to her days with the Scoobies, fighting the forces of darkness. Maybe it was the still sore pain of losing the love of her life, Tara. Though she'd had lovers since, nothing had lasted, and she was now pretty much over that phase in her life(_love life? please!_). These days she enjoyed her solitude.

Maybe she missed her old buds. After all, it'd been nearly 9 years since she's seen Xander. Last time she'd heard anything about him, he was married, living in Portland, Oregon with kids, still doing construction, and doing ok for himself. She was glad of that. Losing Anya had really, really devastated him. She was glad he was happy.

Giles? Well… Giles was off in England. He was chairman of the Watcher's Council, and had instituted a lot of changes in the council, making it much more slayer friendly. Good thing, too, considering that slayers now outnumbered watchers nearly 100 to 1. The aftereffect of the spell she'd cast at Buffy's behest while fighting the First Evil. Now every potential was a slayer, and the old days of one watcher/ one slayer just didn't cut it. They trained world-wide in academies. It was a whole new world out there… watch out, Big Bads! They still kept in contact, she'd call him, he her, to just see how each other was doing, and catch up. He called her the day she'd been written up about her Encryption program, congratulating her. She'd been surprised, as she knew Giles hated the 'infernal machines'. He also hinted the Council may be interested in her services._ Hmmm… WillNet international. Interesting!._ So, on that front, she may be seeing Giles a lot more in the coming months.

The loss that troubled her most though, was Buffy. Her best friend for years and years. It wasn't that they lost contact. You grow up, you grow apart, you move, people change. That's normal. It was the way that she lost contact…heck, the way they all lost contact with Buffy.

Because one day, she was gone. Just gone. No note, no word. It was the first year of Dawn's going away to college, and Buffy had moved to Cleveland. She was still a slayer, if not _THE_ Slayer, and Cleveland had an active hellmouth. You go where the business is, so to speak. She had an apartment, and they casually kept contact, calling each other once a week. This went on for a year or more, the two of them switching off, trying to keep abreast of each other's lives. It was during the second year that it happened. One week, Buffy missed her turn, and Willow called her. No answer. She tried again, later, still no answer. At first Willow thought _ Well, she's just out. I keep missing her, but I'll reach her soon enough. _But after the first day, she got really worried. She contacted Giles in England, and he assured her that all was well, that Buffy sometimes did this, and that she'd be back in a few days, good as new. But days turned to weeks, and still no Buffy. Will finally convinced Giles to come to America. They spent months, and thousands of dollars, looking for her. But she was gone. Without a trace. Finally, after nearly a year, they had to give it up. There were just no more places to look. They feared the worst… that Buffy was dead. She'd been killed doing her slayer duties, alone. Both Giles and Willow carried huge guilt over that. Willow still had vestiges of guilt to this day, nearly 10 years later. She couldn't shake the feeling that she should've known earlier, done something. But that didn't bring Buffy back.

So, she'd been quite surprised when she got a loud and insistent rapping on her office door. It was a week before the planned trip, and she was in her office, as usual, working late. Also as was her habit, she was multi-tasking. On one computer screen she had the schematics of a software program she was trying to debug. On the other screen, she was surfing the 'Net looking for a particular spell she'd heard about, and wanted to try. She was answering e-mail personally(an early habit she'd never broken), and was looking over a proposal on her desk._ Do one thing at a time? Boring! _ She looked up, a little annoyed. She hated being disturbed while working, unless it was really, really important. Anyway, everybody should be gone by now!

" Come in, already" She called out, looking down at the proposal on her desk.

Jana Gray, her erstwhile office manager cum COO marched into the office. Her attitude and expression all said" Pissed off". Willow looked up again, and had to desperately hide a grin._ She is so cute when she gets pissed. Too bad she's straight. Could almost… knock it off, Will. You so know how workplace romances go…badly!_ One of the things she loved about Jana was, you always knew exactly where you stood with her. If she was angry, or happy, it rolled off her in waves.

Jana, hand on hip, held out a paper in front of Willow. She almost barked out her question.

"What do you think you're doing?" She said, her tone almost a growl.

" Excuse me?" Willow said, mildly amused. She knew Jana's bark was always worse than her bite.

" This!" She waved the paper at her, " What do you think you're doing?" Jana looked furious, and Willow grew a little concerned. What was the deal, anyway?

She looked closer at the paper, and it was about the New Orleans trip, listing the participants. She looked up at Jana, puzzled.  
" Ok, I'm all fuzzy. What's the big?" Willow said, resorting to willow-speak.

After taking a second to translate, Jana continues, " What's going on? I don't see your name on this list!" She says, obviously upset.

Willow arches her brow, and takes a look at the list. " Nope, not there. Guess cuz I'm not going huh?"

" Not going?" Jana says, " Don't think so. That's so not happening. You're going, Willow!"

"Excuse me?" Willow repeats, picking up the name plaque off her desk. She reads it and puts it back. " Ok, just checking. Just wanted to be sure things hadn't changed in the last minute or so, and you hadn't been made boss of me!".

"Willow, you're going, " Jana says, as if it's fait accompli.

"Huh?" Willow says, keeping her humor, "ok, let's review. I'm CEO, you're COO. CEO outranks COO. Maybe it's the E. Don't know, don't care. When it's all said and done, it translates " Me , Boss " ."

" You may be the 'boss of me' at work, Willow. But this is different. I'm the COO, and that includes company morale. This trip was organized as a reward for a having a great year. How do you think the troops are gonna take it when the boss doesn't show up for the trip she organized for their benefit?"

Willow looks down at the proposal, mumbling something. Like she's not interested, or doesn't care. Jana knows better.

"Excuse me, 'Boss'," Jana mocks her, " didn't quite catch that!"

" I said, " Willow looks up, " no one'll probably notice, anyway".

"That is such a total load, Willow," Jana replies, " This isn't my first job, you know. I've worked for enough bosses to know a good one from a bad one… and you're probably one of the best. The guys, they know you care about them. You're warm, witty and funny, and rather popular around here… if you'd take the time to notice. You treat people well… some would say you spoil them. But it works, and they like you. They really, really like you , Sally. So, don't go blowing that now. They're gong to expect you to go along, and if you don't, you're gonna set back the camaraderie you've built up around here." She pauses, and her tone softens, "Beside, Will, I worry about you."

" Huh?" Willow exclaims, surprised, " you worry about me? I'm great, Jana".

" You so aren't 'great' , Willow" Jana retorts, " You come to work, and you go home. That's not a life, Willow, that's existing. I never see you with anyone, you hardly ever go out with the gang, and that's only if I shame you into it," Jana says, " You're becoming a regular Howardette Hughes."

"Hey…maybe I like my life, you know?" Willow says, " I'm happy enough."

"Really?" Jana says, " How come there's no one special? I mean, attractive woman like you should have guys dripping of her".

"Uh… gay here, remember?" Willow teases her." Of course, if you ever switch sides, I wouldn't mind if you dripped off me a little". _ Willow. Bad. Bad! We don't do that. Ever hear of sexual harassment? Geeze!_

" Well, girls then" Jana says, blushing, but letting it go, " but your worse than a nun when it comes to dating… or anything like dating!"

" Maybe I'm just waiting for the right girl, " Willow says, looking at Jana pointedly with wide , soft eyes._ Willow, stop it, you're being an idiot now! But it sooo fun to tease her! You're bad! Yeah ok, perks of the job. It so isn't a perk. God, I'm babbling in my thoughts!_

Jana smiles, and pats Willow's hand…sisterly like, " So not going to happen, Willow. I enjoy playing in boys town. But if I ever switch to the all girls team, I'll let ya know, ok?". _Take that, you flirt, _Jana thinks to herself.

_ Did she just flirt with me? Oh god, Busted!_

" Uh…what was the point again?" Willow says, obviously thrown.

" The point is, when it comes to dating, or a social life, your worse than a nun!" Jana says.

" Hmmm… don't think they're taking little Jewish nuns, but thanks for the tip." Willow mocks back.

" Ok, Willow. I'm gonna have to play my power card. It's in the company interest that you attend this trip," Jana says, all business like, " If you don't, you're going to seriously affect company morale. I'm afraid I'd have to report you to the chair of the board!"

Willow gulps. _Wait a minute, now! , _" Hey…I'm the board chair!" She says, a little bewildered.

" Yeah" Jana deadpans, " Just imagine how weird when you have to discipline yourself".

Willow looks at her, Jana winks, and Willow bursts out laughing.

" Ok, ok," She says, gasping between giggles, " If I go, will it get you off my back?"

" Yup," Jana replies, " definitely off your back. Where'd you rather have me?"

Willow blushes, " Ok, now I know you're flirting with me!" She growls, but not too unfriendly like

" Maybe" Jana sing-songs, " Maybe not. But you started it".

" Yeah, well, I'm ending it!" Willow says, emphatically.

" Oooo, so butch!" Jana giggles, getting into it.

" Are you SURE you're straight?" Willow says, bewitched, bothered and bewildered.

" Oh yeah," Jana laughs, turning and waving her hand over her shoulder, " I just love watching you squirm". She leaves the office, her laughter heard after she's gone.

She looks at the office door, a bemused expression on her face.

Damn, all the good ones are committed, or straight … or gone. 

She sighs, and gets back to work.

* * *

" Oh, poop!" Willow says, disgusted with herself. Somehow she managed to knock her water glass, spilling it in her lap. G_raceful as usual, huh Will?_ Willow chides herself, looking at the spreading stain on her dress. _It's just water, be glad it's not the wine glass you hit. That woulda ruined it. _She notices it's gone quiet, and looks up. The whole table has gone silent, looking at her. She feels a blush coming on. _God, back in high school again! So what I'd do. Now All I need is Cordelia Chase to show up and make a rude comment! _For a brief moment, she feels like she wants to just sink into the floor and hide. Then, on impulse, she stands up, and takes a bow.

Jana, always on top of it, starts to clap. Everybody, including Willow, laughs. The rest of the table starts to clap and cheer, Willow doing a semi- graceful curtsey and excusing herself. " Nice trick, Willow" Jana calls out, "What's the encore?"

" Dumping your wineglass over your head" Willow retorts, and retreats. She leaves the table laughing. She heads for the ladies room, hoping they have one of those hand dryers in it, so she can half dry her skirt._ Well, at least I'm good for a laugh, _she muses as she walks towards the restrooms. _Jana can't say I didn't liven the table up today_. She smiles, figuring the worst of her embarrassments are over for the day.

But it just seems luck is not on her side today. Just as she's passing the bar in front of where the bathrooms are located, a waitress turns suddenly, with a full tray of drinks. Without looking, she runs right into Willow.

"Oh, my god, oh my god!" The waitress, a small woman with jet black hair says, "I'm so sorry, god, I'm sorry!"

Willow just looks down at the ruin which used to be her dress, and for a second is deadly quiet. Then the giggles kick in, and she starts to laugh. _Goddess, I just had to tempt fate, didn't I?_ She laughs, as she figures her day is complete. And didn't even require Cordy to come insult her! She feels someone trying to wipe off the various liquors on her dress.

" I'm ok, don't worry" Willow says, trying to stop the woman, but she seems insistent. She just starts to laugh again, it's just too funny.

"I… I'll pay for the cleaning. I'll get you a new dress. Please, don't be mad, ok?" The woman, sounding a little scared, keeps trying to wipe off her dress. " It's just that I just got this job, and I really need it. Please?" She sounds fretful.

" Don't be silly. It's just an accident. No big" Willow says, grabbing the woman's hand to stop her frenetic wiping, " It's not like you ran me over or…." Willow looks at the woman… she really looks at her for the first time, and nearly faints.

_BUFFY_! _No, it can't be! _ Willow looks more closely, and the woman has blue eyes. But except for the hair and eyes, she looks exactly like Buffy Summers. She could be her twin sister, the resemblance is so startling. She reaches out, grabbing the woman by the shoulders to stop her.

" Buffy?" Willow says, her voice puzzled._ God, she looks just like Buffy!_

"Ma'am" The woman looks up, and there seems to be a brief flicker in her eyes. But she continues right on, " No, ma'am. I don't know who you mean. My name's Elizabeth. Ma'am, if you'll give me your hotel and room number, I promise I'll send you money for a new dress". The woman's expression looks a mixture of anxiety and anguish

"Sorry, " Willow apologizes, " it's just that you look so much like my friend…well, except for the hair and eyes, … anyway, don't worry about it. Like I said, just an accident… no harm no foul." She smiles at the woman.

" Please, ma'am, at least let me pay for the cleaning" The waitress says, " I was raised to take care of my mistakes". Willow notes now the drawl the woman has, and looking at her again, she thinks she doesn't really look like Buffy after all. _Just wishful thinking, I guess_.

"Ok, if you insist," Willow says, " though it's really silly. The hotel can take care of this, at no charge".

" Please, ma'am" The woman says, " I'd feel better if you let me pay something". Willow has to admit she's touched by the woman's sense of honor. She reaches over to the bar, grabs a cocktail napkin.

" Do you have a pen?" She asks the waitress, who hands her one. " I'm staying at the Sheraton on St. Croix. That's my room number. But I really feel…." But at that moment, an officious looking man walks up.

"Elizabeth, what's going on here? Oh…goodness, ma'am? Are you ok? Did she …?" The man, looking severe, turns to Elizabeth. " What happened?" He doesn't sound like he's thinking of puppy dogs and roses.

" Oh, I'm such a klutz" Willow interjects, " The poor girl here was just doing her job, delivering some drinks to a table, and I rammed right into her" Willow turns to the nervous looking woman, " Are you sure your ok, Miss?" She asks, solicitously.

" Is that what happened, Elizabeth?" The man asks, sounding none to sure he believes it. Elizabeth nods.

" Are you saying you don't believe me?" Willow says, sounding offended. " That's not very gentlemanly, sir!" Willow gives the man a bit of a glare.

" Oh, Ma'am, I'm very sorry, " the man replies, obsequiously. " Of course I believe you! Elizabeth, get the nice woman a towel, please" His tone is kinder now.

" No need, " Willow says, "I'm on my way to the restrooms. I'll take care of it there. But, I insist on paying for the drinks I spilled."

" Ma'am, I assure you there's no need" The man, obviously the manager by his manner, " It's not a problem".

"Really, I insist" She says, firmly, " and a tip for the nice woman for being so helpful". Willow digs in her purse and pulls out a 100 dollar bill. " That should cover it, don't you think?" She smiles. The girl gawks, as does the manager.

" Oh, more than cover it, " The manager says, " I'll get you your change" He gets the hundred, and starts for the bar.

" No need, the rest is for the waitress here" Willow smiles at the girl.

"Ma'am, please, I can't accept that!" The waitress says, firmly, " I simply can't".

" Don't be silly, of course you can" Willow says, " I know how lousy some tippers are." She smiles at the woman, and without waiting for any more argument, she heads towards the bathrooms.

Well, this day can't get any weirder. I spill all over myself, get spilled all over, and meet some woman who could be Buffy's clone. What more could happen?

Willow, every superstitious, looks around nervously.

She's still afraid Cordelia Chase is going to pop out at her from somewhere.

* * *

Willow stretches out her arms, yawning deeply. It's nearly midnight., and she's just getting ready for bed. It's been a long day, but for the most part, fun. She has to admit, except for a glitch or two, it's been pretty enjoyable day. Once she got back to the hotel and changed out of the ruin that was once her dress, she and her group had a pretty uneventful, at least spillage wise, day after that. They toured the French quarter, oooing and ahhing over the old mansions, checking out the above ground graveyards( of course, that brought back thoughts of Buffy) and took in the local shops. After an excellent dinner in a little restaurant off the beaten track, they toured the night spots, finally settling in on a jazz club on Bourbon St. Pretty obviously a tourist trap, but they still had fun. After that they came back to the hotel, and after a night cap in the bar downstairs, everyone pretty much headed for their rooms(except Jana, who was so flirting with the bartender).

_Tomorrow I figure I'll strike out on my own. Check out the magic shops. I mean, be a real waste to come down here and not check them out. See if I can't locate some ingredients I have trouble finding around home. Boy, I know Tara would love it down here._ She feels a little wistfulness thinking of Tara. And a little ache. She still misses her after all this time. Mostly now, though, the memories are sweet, but it's times like this, when she's having such a good time , she wishes she had Tara to share it with. _Or someone_. _Buffy. That'd be nice too_.

She can't seem to get her mind off Buffy today. That waitress at the café really was freaking her, more than she admitted. She looked so much like Buffy._ Like Yogi Berra would say, it's déjà vu all over again_ Willow chuckles_ She was a dead ringer for Buffy. But of course, that's silly. Buffy's.. gone. Just so freaky, though. I swear for a second there I thought I saw a look…but I was imagining it. Poor girl, I hope I didn't freak her out… staring like that. But …_ Willow shakes her head. _C'mon, Will, it's just a coincidence. _But then there's the weird feeling she's been being followed. She doesn't know why, but every so often she'd just get a feeling someone was watching her. The times she could look without looking like she was a nut case, no one was there. But it was persistent… lasted all night. _Just keep that up, Will me girl. They'll be fitting you up for a custom tailored straight jacket soon._ She giggles,_ I hope they make 'em in leather. Canvas is so tres un-chic. _Still giggling a little, she gets up to turn on the room's TV.

Sometimes, when she's missing Buffy, she likes to do this. It reminds her of the sleepovers they used to have when they were still in high school. _ Ok, pathetic much, Will? But it's cool… call it a celebration of fun we used to have together. No, Will, call it by it's real name … lame-o. This is sad, girl. You gotta get a real life someday. Right. Gotcha._ She turns down the volume, cuz they used to sit and make up their own silly dialogue. _Damn, need popcorn! To throw at the mushy/silly parts. Aw well. _She's just heading back for the bed to get comfy when she hears a knock at the door.

_Oh, man, who's that? Probably one of the guys, locked themselves out. Damn. Just getting comfortable too. _Sighing, she walks to the door, ready to let a partially drunk employee in to get ahold of room service to open their door. _Drag! _She opens the door, saying " What happened? Forgot you key?".

It's the woman from the café. She's standing there, looking a little lost and bereft. Willow looks at her, and still can't believe how much she looks like Buffy.

" Hey… Elizabeth, right? What're you doing here, girl? I thought we settled it at the café. I don't need your money. It was just an accident". Willow is looking at her, and she's more than a little weirded out. Something's different about her. Weren't her eyes blue at the café? But… they look hazel now! Willow feels her knees getting a little wobbly.

" Hey, Will, sorry, " The woman says, in a very familiar voice. She pulls off the black wig, shaking out her blonde hair." I just couldn't keep your money!"

"Bu… Bu…. Buffy?" Willow stutters out, before the room goes dark.

* * *

Continued in Part 2


	2. Part 2

Encounter

By Norwalker

Part 2 of

Summary: A little tale of Buffy and Willow post "Chosen" (like about 10 years after). Really don't like writing too much about the story in the summary, but it's been a long time since the old best friends have seen each other. What happens? Read on.

Rating: R probably for language, adult themes, suggested stuff.

Category: It's Willow and Buffy… you gotta ask? Ok, Angst/Romance/Drama.

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own the characters. I get nothing from this except the pure satisfaction of telling a story. Don't blame them if the story sucks.

Warning: Adult themes, suggested violence, sexual situations. Lovemaking between members of the same gender. Not for children… if you're ten, you really shouldn't be reading this!

* * *

Elizabeth Price, aka Buffy Summers, noticed her the second she walked into the café.

She was with a large group of people, but she stood out like a beacon to Buffy. Buffy felt her heart hammering in her chest; was it fear, or excitement? She didn't know which, she just knew that someone she never expected to see again in this life just walked in the door.

Willow Rosenberg.

Buffy turned away, hoping against hope that Willow hadn't looked in her direction. _What is she doing here? Oh, god if she sees me there's gonna be hell to pay!_ Buffy, feeling more than a little panic, started doing her best to keep out of the main dining area… until at least Willow and her group left. _But that could take forever! I can't hang in the kitchen that long. I'll get fired… and I just got this job. I NEED this job._ Buffy already was in a little hot water for being late today. Her second day on the job. But it couldn't be helped. Joy had been cranky and hard to wake this morning, and getting her off to school had been hard. She'd come right to work, not stopping for breakfast, but still she was 10 minutes late. _ God, Mr. Gavreaux nearly had a cow. You woulda thought I robbed the till or something._ But she stood and took his temper, because she really needed this job.

* * *

It'd been tough finding work when she'd come to New Orleans. But that was true anytime she was new in a city. No friends, no references, all she could do was go on job interviews, hoping that she could win the interviewer over. Sometimes it worked, mostly it didn't. But she kept plugging at it, and eventually she'd find a job… some job. Usually it was like this job; waitressing. But with the tips , and being careful about money, she managed to keep a roof over hers and Joy's head, and food in their stomachs. Not much money for other things, but at least they got by. Until she had to move again. And again. And again.

The last ten years had been tough… too tough, sometimes. She could never settle in one place. She had to keep going, keep moving. Just as things were settling in, just as Joy was getting used to a school, or making friends, or getting used to a place, they had to move again. Along with the stress of moving, the worry about where the money was going to come from, caring for a young child, trying to scrimp and save every penny so they'd have money in case of emergency, she could top that with a heavy dose of guilt. Guilt because her daughter, her beautiful Joy, never got to have friends. Having to constantly remind Joy that they had to keep secrets, that certain things couldn't be talked about. About uprooting the poor child just as she was getting to call a place home. She had few clothes, and fewer toys. She'd been in more free clinics and charity wards than she could count, to battle the sicknesses of childhood, because her mommy couldn't afford a real doctor. Yet, she never complained. She just rolled with life's little knock-out blows. When Buffy had to tell Joy they were moving again, she'd just smile and try to help get packed. But Buffy could see the disappointment in her eyes, and it ate at her.

Too many nights, in too many towns, she'd lain awake, consumed with guilt, and worry, and anger. Uppermost in her mind was how lousy a mother she was to Joy._ This isn't right, this just isn't right. She should have a home, a real home. Someplace to go every day, without worrying if she'd be living there next week, or even tomorrow. A child needs a place of security, permanence. And what've I given her? Nothing. Moving all the time, never letting her get used to a place, the people, never having any friends… or much of anything. God, what is wrong with me? I should've done what I was going to do 9 years ago. I should've given her up for adoption at birth. I… never would've seen her again, but at least she'd have a nice stable home, parents who could love her, and take care of her properly. Friends, real friends. A happy life. That's what I should've done. She never would've known me, she would've been happy. Why didn't I do it? Why? Cuz I'm a selfish, greedy, thoughtless bitch. That's why. Once I held her, once she was placed in my arms, I couldn't do it. I couldn't do what was best for her. Cuz I couldn't give her up. Not to strangers, not to anyone. I loved her from the second I saw her. I knew right then, despite all my 'noble' intentions, I couldn't live without her. So, instead of doing the right thing for her, I did the selfish thing… for me. I kept her. Damn me to hell, I ruined her life because I was too selfish to let her go. Now it's too late; she's too 'old' to adopt. She's stuck in this miserable life, because I was too selfish, too self centered to do what was best for her._ She got up, because sleep was impossible… again. But she knew somehow she had to sleep, get some rest. She couldn't afford to let her guard down, ever. _If only I could take it back. If only I could do that one moment over, it'd all be different… so different…._

But it wasn't different. She'd killed two men. 10 years ago. She's been running ever since. It was self defense. Either I killed them, or he killed me… and my unborn child. I couldn't let that happen. I had to kill them. But did she? Did she really? In that one moment, when she had helpless, she could've just called the police, and have them arrested. they'd tried to kill her, but that didn't mean she had to kill them. But she had. The anger she felt, the pure rage at what they'd done, consumed her, took her over. She killed them, shot them. In her mind, a thousand thousand times , she'd gone over that moment, and saw she didn't have to kill them. But she had, and her life was hell because of it.

_And Joy's life. I've ruined Joy's life because of it._

They'd come to New Orleans nearly a year ago. Buffy had a succession of jobs, but there was something different here. Her pursuers seemed to have lost her. For nearly 11 months she'd been able to stay in one place. Not one sign, not one whisper, that her pursuers knew where she was. She was still alert, still wary. But she was beginning to hope. Just a small hope. That finally, she found a safe haven. Somewhere she could raise Joy, be at peace.

But with that tiny hope of security, came an emptiness. Something she hadn't allowed herself to think of all these years… at least, not in the light of day, not while she had to protect herself and Joy from danger. But now that she felt the tiniest bit safe, the tiniest bit secure, the loneliness, the isolation came to the fore. She missed her family, her friends. Xander, Giles, Dawn, and Willow. She missed them so much, it ached. So many times over the years she'd wanted to call them, let them know she was alive, ok… but she didn't. She couldn't. Not without risking Joy's safety, and possibly their safety. It was too risky. If she gave in, and any of them had been hurt, or killed… she didn't want to think about it. It was too late now, anyway. Way too late. They probably thought she was dead. _Maybe that's for the best. Better I'm dead, than having to tell them I'm a killer. Having to face them after all this time, and see the disappointment, and…disgust in their eyes. Who am I to 'come back' now, and disrupt their lives. No, I've been dead to the world all these years… better for them if I just remain dead._ But doing what she thought was right didn't make it any easier to live with. She missed them all, especially Dawn and Willow.

She'd so wanted to see Dawn grow up, finish college, become successful. She'd wanted to see her happy. _Bet she's married now, has a passel of kids. God, a whole family that neither Joy nor I know. Won't ever know, I can't just bust into her life now. Something else I've stolen from my daughter. Shit!_ She longed to just hug Dawnie again, let her know how much she's missed her and loves her. But that won't be happening. Ever.

Then there was Willow. Buffy probably missed her the most. She'd been her best friend… god, forever. They'd gone through so much together, shared so much together._ More than a best friend, she was my 'other' sister. The non-annoying sister_ Buffy chuckles. _We could tell each other anything… well, almost anything, and we just clicked. I know over the years, we knew each other better than anyone else knew us… God, I miss that so much. Someone I can talk to, without worrying I'll hurt them, or they'll misunderstand._ Buffy could only hope that Willow had found happiness. She knew after Tara's death she was never quite the same again. Something had died with Tara; Will's innocence. Her belief that no matter how bad things got, they'll get better. She'd lost her mind, went postal and killed a man, and nearly destroyed the world, in her grief and rage. You just don't come back from that. Not as you were.

_Will had a brief affair with Kennedy, right around the time they were battling the First Evil. But that didn't last long. Once the threat was over, what had brought them together kind of dissolved. They parted friends, but I think both were relieved it ended. I know I was. I mean, ok, Will's a free woman, has a right to choose whoever she wants for a lover… but that spoiled, snotty nosed brat?_ Buffy shudders._ I just hope she's found someone else. Someone more like Tara. That's what Will needs most of all… someone to love who adores her back. Someone like…._

But Buffy wouldn't complete that thought. Because she wouldn't allow herself to. It was pointless, stupid, and too painful. Even thinking about it hurt too much. Because she knew Will didn't return the feelings. She knew it. Even if she had, it was too late now, anyway. Like with the rest of them, that avenue was closed to Buffy. Forever.

* * *

Now here Buffy was, trying to hide in plain sight. Because Willow had walked into this restaurant, on this day._ This can't be just coincidence. It means something, I know it does_. But Buffy was more afraid than anything else. She was afraid of what Will would think, would say, if she saw her. If she recognized her. With the black hair and blue contacts, at least she had some kind of disguise. But she knew in her heart it wouldn't be enough to fool Willow. Not if she got too close.

The hell of it was? Willow's party sat at one of her tables. There was no way she could get through the entire brunch without Willow being at least suspicious… and it was never a good idea to raise Willow's suspicions. Cuz once she got hold of an idea, she didn't let it go without a fight. She had to think fast, and she managed to convince Sarah, the other server next to her station, to cover the table. She came up with a partially true story about one of the women being in her past, but that they'd parted on ugly terms, and if she waited on her, it would just lead to an ugly scene, and probably get her, Buffy, fired. Plus, they were tourists, and probably good tippers. That kicker worked. Sarah took the table, and Buffy covered one of her tables.

But it seemed that The Powers that Be just weren't in the mood to let it pass. Buffy was getting a tray of drinks from the bar for one of her tables, and turned too quickly, without looking and ran into a customer.

Willow.

_Oh…crap!_

Buffy, thinking fast, put on a heavy southern drawl, and started fussing around Willow, keeping herself turned away while trying to smooth over the situation. Hopefully, before Willow could get a real good look at her. She apologized, and offered to pay for cleaning her dress, or replacing it… anything so she wouldn't complain to management( and maybe recognizing her, or even worse, losing Buffy her job). But Willow was just Willow, and was laughing it off. Buffy almost…almost pulled it off. But then Willow got a good look at her

"… I mean, it's not like you ran me over or …. " Willow stopped, and got her first real good look at the woman

" Buffy?" Willow said, looking puzzled.

Oh shit oh shit OH SHIT 

Buffy thought fast on her feet, and just glossed it over quickly, trying to turn away from the Willow as fast as she could.

" No, ma'am. I don't know who you mean. My name is Elizabeth. Ma'am, if you'll just give me your hotel and room number, I promise I'll send you money for a new dress" Buffy said, laying on the drawl really thick.

She'd somehow managed to convince Willow that she wasn't who she really was, and almost escaped…when Mr. Gavreaux walked up and butted in. _probably just looking for an excuse to fire me, _Buffy sighed. But Willow came to her rescue, and convince Gavreaux that not wasn't it Buffy's fault, but she insisted on paying for the lost drinks(which meant it wouldn't come out of Buffy/Elizabeth's check), and left a hefty tip( my god, she paid with a hundred dollar bill). But the most important thing was, she'd managed to escape without Willow realizing who she was.

_Whew!_

She noted that soon after, Willow and her party left, and she was convinced she'd gotten away with it. Strangely, she didn't feel relief… she felt… disappointed. It bothered her for the rest of her shift. She kept digging the piece of paper with Willow's hotel and room number, looking at it, puzzling over it, trying to make up her mind about something. Something she wasn't even consciously aware of. She dismissed it from her thoughts, but it kept creeping back in.

Even after work, as she was driving her latest incarnation of a rust bucket of a car to pick up Joy from school, it nagged at her. It was as if two parts of her mind were having a fight with her. One part saying _ No, no, no don't do it! Just let it go, let her be. It'll be better that way _ while the other part of her mind argued _ I gotta see her. She couldn't have been here just by chance. I couldn't have run into her just by chance. It's a sign. I gotta do this! _ Back and forth, her mind pushing her this way, then that way, until she just didn't know what to do. But all thoughts of Willow temporarily left her mind when she saw her daughter.

"Mom! Hey, mommy!" Joy cried out, waving her arms and smiling to beat the band.

Buffy just looked at her, and her heart turned into one giant marshmallow, like it always did where Joy was concerned._ I dunno how I got so lucky, God, but thank you…even if I'm a selfish bitch, thank you for giving her to me!_ Buffy ran to her daughter, and scooped her up, twirling her around and hugging her. Joy giggled good naturedly, as she always did when Buffy did that. She set Joy down, and took her hand, and walked her to the car.

" So, punkin-belly, did you have a good day?" Buffy asked, looking down at her favorite strawberry blonde.

"Mom, please! Don't call me that anymore!" Joy said, half perturbed, " I'm not a baby anymore!"

" Oh, so sorry, Ms. Joy" Buffy smiled.

"Anyway, I had a test today. Never a good day with a test" Joy grumbles. "dumb ole school"

"Aw, I bet you aced it. You always do" Buffy smiled, "Don't know where you get the brains. Certainly not from me!"

"That's for sure!" Joy says, teasingly.

" Hmmm. You callin' you're mom dumb?" Buffy growls playfully.

" Only when SHE does" Joy parries, joyfully.

Damn. Raising a too smart a kid. Grrr. 

"So, Baby-NOT, how 'bout we go home and fill that punkin-belly with food, huh?" Buffy grins, "or are you too 'old and sophisticated' to eat with dear old ma, huh?"

" You're weird" Joy pronounces, seriously.

" I'm a mom…what do you expect?" Buffy counters.

They get in the car, Buffy buckles Joy up, and they take off for home.

* * *

"Thanks again for coming on such short notice, Mrs. Katz" Buffy said to the older woman , " I really appreciate this".

"Don't you worry none about it, Elizabeth, " Mrs. Katz, Buffy's neighbor, replied, " I enjoy watching after Joy. She's a sweetie… unlike some of the children in this neighborhood, let me tell you".

" I dunno. She can be pretty cranky when she wants to be" Buffy said, knowingly, "Fortunately, most of the time she doesn't want to be."

"Well, she's never been cranky with me, " Mrs. Katz replied, " So, honey, what's up? Got a date?" Mrs. Katz asks, a small smile gracing her lips.

" I wish" Buffy laughed, " Nothing so exciting. It's just… well… I kinda messed up at work today, spilled a tray of drinks on one of the guests. She was nice about it, but I ruined her dress, " Buffy said, ruefully, " Need to make it up, pay for it or something. Right thing to do".

Mrs. Katz looked a bit annoyed, " I'm sure those fancy rich folk can well pay for their own dresses, Elizabeth," Mrs. Katz replied, her tone indicating her disapproval, " After all, I'm sure you could find better uses for it!"

" I know, Mrs. K, " Buffy said, " but she was so nice about it. I mean, it was my fault, I ran into her. But she just laughed it off, and then, when Mr. Gavreaux came over, looking to make trouble, she took all the blame. And paid for the drinks I spilled… with a hundred, insisting I take the rest as a tip! My god, that was a 75 dollar tip!"

Mrs. Katz eyes widened, " I'm surprised, Elizabeth. Most of the rich people I've worked for as a housekeeper have been…well, rather cheap. "

"Believe me, I know that one" Buffy agreed, " that's why I think it's only right I offer to pay again, and …well, apologize again."

" Are you going to be late, Elizabeth?" Mrs. Katz inquired.

" God, I hope not. But I should wait 'til she returns to her room. In case, I made up the extra bed for you, Mrs. K" Buffy said. "Stuff in the fridge if you want a snack." She threw on her coat, and turned back " Thanks again for doing this, Mrs. K".

"Its no problem, Elizabeth, " Mrs. Katz replied, " I just wish you'd do it more often."

"Not following you, Mrs. K" Buffy says, puzzled.

" Date once in awhile, girl" Mrs. Katz says, " It's not healthy for a young girl like you to stay home all the time."

"I'm hardly a ' young girl' anymore, Mrs. K" Buffy says, smiling, " anyway, there are reasons".

" I know, I know. You miss Joy's daddy. Still, Elizabeth, you should…." Mrs. Katz starts, but Buffy cuts her off.

" You're sweet, Mrs. K… you sound just like my mom" Buffy smiled, then changes the subject, " I'll try to be home early".

" Don't you worry none. Everything'll be right as rain here" Mrs. Katz said

Before Mrs. Katz can get started again, Buffy slips out the door.

_ Sweet lady, love her dearly. But boy, can she dig. _ Buffy sighed, _ Wouldn't have even asked her, but she's the only one I trust around here. _Buffy walks to her car, all the time thinking, _Don't even know why I'm doing this. God, it's gonna be a mistake, I know it. But… I just got to. I gotta see Will again._ She pulls out of the driveway, and heads towards the French Quarter. She flips on the radio, and listens to some music, letting her mind wander. _ This is just great, Buffy. What're you gonna say to her? " Hi, Will, sorry I've been missing for 10 years… miss me?" Oh, yeah. And after she kills you? Then what? God, you know that she's not gonna be happy, Buffy. And, you're putting her at risk, going there. Sure, you've been lucky here, and haven't seen those creeps lately. But that don't mean they're not around. Bad enough what you've done. Now you're gonna put her at risk, too? Does your selfishness ever stop?_

But Buffy doesn't turn around. She doesn't go back home, send Mrs. Katz home, and forget about it. She felt compelled to see Willow, one last time. Even if she doesn't tell her who she is._ Something brought her here, now, at this time. Something bigger than her and me. I gotta know why… or at least try to find out why._ That doesn't make it easier for her, though, nor better. She knows that … it's going to be difficult at best…and could be disastrous. She doesn't want to think about that.

As she drew closer to the Sheraton on St. Croix, her stomach started to churn. She parked a few blocks away. Paranoia, or precaution makes her suspicious. She approached the hotel, keeping away from the lights, always looking around. She can't shake the feeling of being followed, even now… after nearly a year of not seeing her pursuers.

It's nearly 10:30 pm when she entered the lobby of the Sheraton. She walked to the front desk to inquire if Willow had returned. She found she's still out, so Buffy went to one of the lobby chairs, and settled down to wait. It's been a long day for her, and despite her best efforts, she nodded off. She doesn't awaken until someone is poking her. Startled, she jumped up, surprising the clerk who was trying to awaken her.

" Miss? I'm sorry, but I can't allow you to sleep in the lobby, " The clerk says, kindly. He looked over her clothing and realizes she's probably not a guest of the hotel.

" Damn…I fell asleep. Did a Ms. Rosenberg return yet?" Buffy asked, looking at her watch. She groaned to herself. God, it's nearly midnight!

" Yes, Ms. Rosenberg did return… about half an hour ago" The clerk replied, " did you want me to ring her?"

"No… no, she's expecting me… I'll just make my way to her room. I've got the number, thanks" Buffy said, heading towards the elevator. She turned back to the clerk. " Did she seem… alright? I mean, was she in a good mood?" Buffy inquires. _If she's upset, might be best not to go up!_

" She seemed ok, Miss" The clerk replied, " are you sure you don't want me to ring her?"

" No, that won't be necessary, thank you" Buffy said, turning back towards the elevator. She entered, and the doors closed behind her.

She's been standing in front of Willow's door for 5 minutes, working up the courage to knock. _Do it Buffy, just do it! It's now or never, girl._

She hesitates for a few more seconds, then turns to leave. _I just can't. It's wrong on so many levels. Best to leave the past in the past._ She starts to walk away… and stops. A look of determination comes over her._ Never ran from a fight before, Buffy. Not starting now. Just do it!_

Buffy marches back to the door, raises her hand, and knocks.

* * *

Continued in Part 3


	3. Part 3

Encounter

By Norwalker

Part 3 of

Summary: A little tale of Buffy and Willow post "Chosen" (like about 10 years after). Really don't like writing too much about the story in the summary, but it's been a long time since the old best friends have seen each other. What happens? Read on.

Rating: R probably for language, adult themes, suggested stuff.

Category: It's Willow and Buffy… you gotta ask? Ok, Angst/Romance/Drama.

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own the characters. I get nothing from this except the pure satisfaction of telling a story. Don't blame them if the story sucks.

Warning: Adult themes, suggested violence, sexual situations. Lovemaking between members of the same gender. Not for children… if you're ten, you really shouldn't be reading this!

* * *

Buffy kneels by the unconscious Willow. She checks her pulse, and finding it beating strongly, breathes a little easier. _Great start, Buffy. Scare her to death! Have you been an idiot forever, or just recently._ She cradles Willow, and gently tries awaken her, calling her name out softly.

Willow's eyes flutter open, then she stares into the face leaning over hers. She looks at Buffy intensely, as if she doesn't recognize her.

"B-Buffy?" Willow rasps, her voice a little strained.

"Yeah, Will, " Buffy replies, not able to think of anything clever, " It's me".

Willow's brow furrows, then her eyes widen. She sits up, looks at Buffy angrily, and slaps her, hard!

"Owww… Will!" Buffy says, more hurt by the rejection than the blow, " What's that for?" She rubs her face.

" What's that for?" Willow mocks, sarcastically, " Oh yeah. You're a real piece of work, aren't you?" Willow says, shoving the slayer back and getting up, wanting to put distance between them. " How about… scaring the hell out of your friends? You come here after ten years… and act like we saw each other yesterday." Willow, frustrated because she can't find any place far enough from Buffy, sits down on the bed , chin in hands, and stares…or glares… at the slayer.

" I… I'm sorry, Will… I want to…" Buffy says, shoulders hunched and hands palms out. Willow cuts her off impatiently.

"What, Buffy? You want to what? Explain? Apologize? Gee, that's so gonna do it, Buffy" Willow says, furiously, '" do you have any idea what we've gone through over the last 10 years? Do you? DO YOU?".

Buffy stands silently, hands clasped together in front of her.

" We thought you were dead, Buffy. God, we thought some demon got you. that you died alone, and afraid," Willow, a bundle of nerves, jumps out of bed, and starts to pace, " God, how incredibly…totally selfish of you, Buffy! I can't believe how utterly thoughtless you are!" Willow turns to her, her face blotchy red from anger. "What about Dawn, Buffy? What about her? Do you know how much grief you gave her? The poor girl. She was in therapy for years. This is the second time she lost you, Buffy. She was devastated. It took her a long time to pick up her life again. But who cares, right Buffy? Certainly you don't!".

Willow turns away. She's so angry she can hardly speak. Her frustration is so high, she goes over the lamp on the nightstand, and just knocks it off, sending it flying and crashing into the wall. She just stands there staring at it. She turns back to Buffy. She's calmer, but her face is pale with anger.

" Giles, did you even think of him, Buffy? My god what you put him through. The poor man, he thinks of you like a daughter. He spent a year with me, searching for you. We only gave up because we ran out of places to look. That year really aged him, Buffy. The worry ate at him! He must've aged 10 years in that year. I think he started drinking again, Buffy. A lot of mornings his eyes were bloodshot and puffy. I smelled scotch on him a few times. I wanna come over and kick your ass just for his sake. After all he suffered for you, Buffy. Angel torturing him, after all he did for you, how could you treat him like that?" She is circling now, not wanting to get any closer to where Buffy is standing. Buffy watches her, feeling little tingles of fear in her stomach. She's never, ever seen Will this mad. Not and not go veiny. The last time she was like this, Warren lost his skin. _Oh god, what've I done? I've totally pissed off the witch!_

" I guess, of course, you never thought about me, either Buffy. Not that it's important. Gee, I'm only YOUR BEST FRIEND!" Willow screams the last part. " Do you know how much thinking you were dead hurt, Buffy? I felt like something died inside of me, Buffy. I hadn't felt that bad… god, since the last time you died. Of course, you really died that time, didn't you Buffy. This time it was just a great big joke. Goddess, to think I felt guilty for years over your death. Me feeling I failed you, somehow. That I could've prevented it. Well, thank Goddess, I don't have that to worry about anymore, do I Buffy?" Willow starts to flush red again, " Do I, Buffy? God, I must be the biggest joke to you in the world. You musta been laughing your ass off today at that café, Buffy, when you spilled a tray of drinks on me. Good ole Will. Good ole dependable, dump-on-able Willow. Yup. Musta been a hoot watching me be all nice to you, you selfish lousy BITCH!" Willow totally loses her cool, not even thinking about it, comes over and starts pounding on Buffy. "WHY? WHY? WHY? Why'd you do it, Buffy?" Willow screams at her, her fists pounding on the slayer. Buffy just stands there, letting her hit her. " I don't understand it. What'd we do that you wanted to hurt us so much? I thought I knew you, Buffy Summers, I really did. But boy you fooled me. You fooled everybody. Good work Buffy, you made idiots and morons of us all… happy now, bitch?" Willow pounds on her, " I Hate you, Buffy. I HATE YOU!". Willow, tired of hitting on Buffy, turns and stalks back towards the bed. She leans over it, her body hurting from all the emotions and adrenaline running through her. Finally, tears of anger, frustration and grief take over, She starts to shake, then sob. She continues to lean on the bed.

"Want the capper, Buffy?" Willow says, her voice a mixture of wistfulness, sadness, and anger "want the kicker? As mad as I am at you, as much as I want to come over and wring your neck, I'm fucking, utterly glad your alive!. God, how stupid can I get?". Willow collapses on the bed, crying in misery and pain.

For the next few minutes, all that's heard in the suite is the sound of Willow crying. Buffy stands frozen; she wants nothing more than to go to her friend, take her in her arms, and try to comfort her. But that would be wrong. Dead wrong. _And who would I be comforting, really? Her, or me?_ Seeing Willow so upset is breaking her heart; knowing she's the cause is killing her. But she stands there, not knowing what to do, what to say._ What can I say that'll make it right?_ Finally, because she knows she has to say something, she speaks.

" Willow… god, what can I say to make it right? I'm sorry, so sorry… I'm sorry beyond belief." Buffy says, her voice, " I know I've caused you pain… all of you, " Buffy turns away, knowing how lame her explanation sounds, " I don't know how many nights I lost sleep because I was worrying about you guys. I wanted to call you, tell you I'm ok, but I couldn't Will… I just couldn't".

" Right. You 'couldn't' ", Willow says, her voice harsh, " What happened, Buffy? Broke your dialing finger? Run out of quarters? Maybe you just had amnesia, and forgot our numbers. Well? What was it?"

" I know you don't believe me, Willow, " Buffy says, remorsefully, " What else could I expect. But there were reasons… good reasons I couldn't call," Buffy says, "that really doesn't matter though, does it? Because you're right. I'm a selfish, thoughtless bitch. I didn't think about the people I loved, and now I'm paying for it. You, Giles, Dawn… everybody I care about, I've hurt. There's no way I can fix that, make it right," Buffy turns away, fighting down the tears welling up._ Can't cry, won't cry!_ "When you came into the restaurant today, I … I … nearly lost it. I freaked, Will. I … never thought I'd see you , any of you again. I thought it was a sign, as if to say "make it right, fix this"," Buffy goes on, her voice soft, " I'm alone, Will… so alone. I've had no one I could talk to, no one who could understand. I'd so hoped…" Buffy trails off, realizing the truth, " but there's no fixing this. I never should've come. I'm sorry, Will. I … better go" Buffy looks at her friends back, knowing this'll be the last time she sees her. The irony of Willow turning her back to her isn't lost on her. She turns, shoulders slumped in defeat. She starts to leave when Willow speaks.

" Sure, Buffy, run. That's how you solve everything, isn't it? When things are too difficult to face, to deal with, you run, " Willow still is turned away from her. Buffy is still standing in the doorway, looking in. " You're real great at running Buffy. Go on, get out… just get out!"

Buffy, eyes wide and shiny with tears, bites her lip not to cry. " Goodbye, Will" She says softly, to hide the quaver in her voice. She turns, closing the door after her.

It takes a minute or two for Willow, lost in her grief, to realize what's happened. Her anger flares up, and she pushes herself off the bed, running for the door.

" Oh no you don't! You don't just waltz in here, stomp all over my heart, then get away that easily… no way. " She flings open the door, and calls out before looking, " You come back here. You get your butt back here, Buffy Summers." She realizes that the hall is empty, but continues shouting anyway. " YOU COME BACK … YOU COME BACK…DAMN YOU , YOU COME BACK!!!" She starts pounding on the door beam, in her anger and frustration she's pounding on Buffy. The tears are flowing again, hard, and her face collapses into hurt and rage…. She slowly sinks to the carpet, still hitting on the beam. Her voice is quieter, more miserable, " You come back… you get back here now…come back…damn you come back"

She collapses into a ball, leaning against the door frame, crying.

* * *

Buffy drives home, the tears flowing freely. She nearly runs into a post by the side of the road, and pulls over. She gives in to her pain, her body leaning against the steering wheel as her body shakes with sobs. She finally realizes that her past, and everybody she loves, is gone. She's dead to them, and can never see them again. The ten years of misery, loneliness and pain catch up to her, and she releases all the tears she's had to push away. Tonight has proven to her that the old saying is true.

You can never go home again.

It takes a long time, but she finally gets herself under control. Sighing, she starts the car, and notices how dark the night seems. Even with her headlights on high, she can barely make out what's ahead of her. She puts the car in gear, and slowly pulls out.

She drives hesitantly into her bleak future.

* * *

" Ok, once again slowly, Willow, because I don't understand, " Jana says, handing Willow a glass of water, " I thought you said she was dead."

Willow and Jana are in Willow's room. It's late…2 am. Jana, who has the suite next to Willow's, heard her boss screaming in the halls, and came to investigate. She found Willow curled in a ball, sobbing hysterically. She helped her back into her room, and has spent the last hour trying to calm her down. She's gotten the story of what happened, Willow telling it in fits and starts. Jana shakes her head in wonder.

She's known Willow nearly ten years, since she started WillNet. In all that time, she's never seen her like this. Even at the worst times, when it looked like the business might be lost, Willow always kept a cool head, handled stress like it was water rolling off a mallard's back. Even in the worst situation, she would find a way to make a joke, find a good side to things. She always kept a calm head about everything. Seeing her so broken up, so out of control, was a little scary for Jana. It brought home to her the fact that her boss was human, too. _ Now I get it. Now I understand why she's never 'with' anyone. Her heart isn't hers anymore .No one could 'get' to her like this, unless she really loved them._

" She was dead… we thought she was dead, anyway" Willow says, sadly, " We looked and looked for her, but couldn't find her. After a year, we just gave up, figuring she died fighting some demon… alone, and there was nothing left to 'find'. Then I see her today… hell, she dumps a tray of drinks on me, how could I miss her, huh?" Willow grins ruefully, " She standing there, closer than you are to me, and … I deny my what I'm seeing. She had different hair, different eyes, but it was her. Bad southern drawl or no. But I let … no … I made myself believe it wasn't her. WHY?" Willow puzzles, really not understanding it, " I'm supposed to be smart, right? I head up a tech security firm. I'm supposed to see through bogus disguises… why didn't I see through hers?"

Jana looks at Willow, and hesitates. Sometimes the truth can be hard to take.

" Maybe, Willow, you didn't want to" Jana says quietly.

"Huh?" Willow says, bewildered. " Again, huh?"

" Look, Willow, as long as Buffy was 'dead', you didn't have to think of her differently, " Jana says, " You could still think of her as the golden girl from Sunnydale, you're idol… you're hero. Even when she goofed up, she was a hero to you," Jana smiles at Willow, " You think of her as what you wanted to be; cool, popular, all the rest of it… and she died heroically, just as you expected. You never had to change you're image of her, or how you felt about her," Jana turns the spotlight on Willow, " You know … you gotta know you felt more than friendship for her, right?"

" I'm sorry, that's wrong, but we have some lovely parting gifts for you" Willow says, mocking Jana, " That's totally bogus, Jana. I was her friend… ok, her best friend. And… maybe I thought of her sometimes as a sister… but … hero worship? Idolize her? Sorry, so wrong."

" I'm not really talking about that, Willow, " Jana says, " though it's true. You might fool me, Willow, honey, if I hadn't known you so long, or so well. You forget you've talked to me about her, told me about her… a lot. You think I didn't notice the look your eyes I'd see when you told me about her? How… well…goofy you're expression would get when you remembered something sweet she did, or how growly you'd get when you told about someone ragging on her? No baby, "Jana says, reaching over and patting Willow's hand, " I'm afraid what you feel goes beyond simple friendship… even sisterly affection. Or even awe and hero worship, " Jana smiles, and says softly, " You got it bad for her, Willow."

Willow looks at Jana, a half amused, half disgusted look on her face, " Jana, sweetie. I love you, you're brilliant at running operations… but when it comes to me, sweetie… forget it, you got it so wrong!"

"I do, huh?" Jana says, " Ok, so… why are you so mad at her now? I mean, shouldn't you be all happy she's alive? Even if she's been a total shit and worried you to death? Why did you get so angry at her , Willow? I mean, I heard the shouting in my room, and these walls aren't that thin. Why is that, Will?"

" Well… duh!" Willow says, denying any part of what Jana is saying, " You just said it yourself, she treated me… us… like shit. Letting us think she was dead, when she was alive all the time. How would you react to that?"

"Well, me, I'd go ballistic. But that's ME. That's NOT you, Willow, " Jana says, firmly, " I've known you for nearly 10 years, Willow. I've seen how you act when people treat you badly. You either make a joke, trying to slough it off; or, if you care something about the person, you might call them a poopy-head…nice image, by the way… or even get quiet, and all hurt and pouty, "Jana gives Willow a thoughtful look, " But in all the years I've known you, Willow Rosenberg, I've never…ever… seen you go postal. Even in the early years, when it looked like you might loose your shirt, and a good deal of the rest of your wardrobe, you never got like that. It would take a deep, deep hurt to make you act like that… a real profound sense of betrayal. Even a best friend, or someone you felt sisterly affection for, wouldn't make you do that. It had to be someone who you felt … more for. That's why it hurt so much, why you got so angry. Do you see where I'm headed with this?"

" Well, yeah, kinda have to be a dufus not to" Willow says, " But again, so wrong. I got so mad because Buffy hurt people I really care about… Xander, my best friend forever, and her friend, Dawn, god, her sister… she really hurt when Buffy disappeared… and of course, Giles … who's been more like a father to her than her own dad. So yeah, I got really, truly upset with her."

"Yet, strangely, you left yourself off that list, " Jana observes, " All I know is what you've told me, but I remember each and every love you had that ended badly. Xander… when you found out about him and Cordelia, what happened? You got so angry at him , remember? And Oz… when you found about him and Veruca, you wanted to do a revenge spell on the both of them… the only thing that stopped you was how much you still loved Oz. And Tara. Oh god, when that Mears guy killed her, your rage, your anger was so absolute, you nearly destroyed the world in your grief and rage. Ok, still trying to get used to you being that powerful… and don't turn me into a rat if I ask for a raise, ok?" Jana grins, trying to sweeten the medicine she is about to deliver, " I have no doubt that Tara was the great love of your life. And if she were still alive, " Jana hesitates, knowing this hurts Willow… and she sees the wince, " that you two would be together, and happy. But , isn't it strange, after 10 years, you haven't been able to find anyone you could love? Someone not to take Tara's place, but to reawaken love in you? Why do you think that is, anyway?"

Willow makes an impatient noise, " God, Jana, we've been over this, how many times? I haven't found the right girl … woman… to love", Willow says, dismissively.

"Willow, Willow, Willow, " Jana sighs, " I'm very fond of you, and you're both brilliant, and sweet. But when it comes to you, sweetie? Forget it, you got it so wrong" Jana uses her own words against her, " You've found the right girl, alright. Matter of fact, in your secret heart of hearts, you've probably loved her, in one way or another, much longer than you did Tara. When you thought you lost her, it was like losing the OTHER great love of your life, honey. Your heart was probably broken beyond repair, but you'd hidden it for so long, you even fooled yourself. You thought you just couldn't find the right woman, " Jana says, kindly, but pointedly, " but you never would. Because your heart wasn't yours to give. Because it belonged to the woman you thought was gone. It belonged to Buffy."

"Jana, you missed your calling," Willow says, chuckling, " You really should be a writer. That's gotta be some of the best fiction I've ever heard."

" Really?" Jana says, lightly, " Ok, if you say so. I guess when you knew, absolutely knew it was Buffy at the door, your first impulse wasn't to hug her and kiss her til your lips were bruised from kissing her, then?"

"No, it wasn't" Willow says, emphatically.

" Mmm- hmmm" Jana says, not saying another world. She just sits there, a small smile on her lips, and stares at Willow.

Willow stares back at her, but then slowly, a flush creeps up her neck, and she lowers her eyes.

"Damn you, " She nearly whispers, " It's just not fair".

"What's not fair, dear?" Jana asks, innocently.

Willow gives Jana an annoyed look, and mutters, " That you can read me so easily."

Jana just gives her a half grin, and changes the subject, " So, Buffy is alive. Did she say why she was missing all these years?"

Willow looks down at her hands, and another flush creeps up her neck. Jana watches her, waiting for an answer; an answer that's not forthcoming. She eyes Willow suspiciously.

"What?" Jana asks.

" Well, ummm… " Willow gulps, " Ummm… I was so upset, and angry, well… I… well… I didn't…"

" … give her a chance to explain?" Jana finishes for Willow. Willow nods. " And she left, probably figuring it was hopeless, because you told her to leave, right?" Willow nods again. Jana continues, " now you wish you had a do-over, because you really want to know why she… disappeared," Jana says, and again, Willow nods. Jana is not letting her off the hook that easily, however, " And secretly , you're hoping that you're gonna get in that hugging and kissing too, don't you?"

Willow glares at her, as if that's the furthest thing from her mind. But her body betrays her, and the blush comes to her cheeks. She mutters something under her breath, then nods barely perceptively. Jana chuckles to herself. She so enjoys watching Willow squirm.

"So, what're we gonna do?" Jana asks.

"We?" Willow replies, hopefully.

" Oh yeah… you don't think you can just drag me in this far, and not let me see the finish, now do you?" Jana says, arching her brow.

" I dunno what to do, " Willow says, feeling a little hopeless, " I mean, I know where she works, but if I go back there…."

" … she bolts, and you've lost her, but good" Jana finishes. Willow nods yet again. Jana thinks for a minute, and a smile spreads on her face, " But, that doesn't mean I can't go back there. She doesn't know me, and I … well, I could follow her home…and then tell you where she lives."

"That could work" Willow agrees, approaching it like a business problem. She thinks it over, then her expression falls, " Isn't gonna be a little suspicious if you're hanging around the restaurant all day, waiting for her shift to end?"

" I've got no plans of hanging around there all day, " Jana says, " I've got an idea how to know when her shift is over… can't do anything about it tonight, it's too late… but tomorrow, I'll start on it."

" So what's this great idea of yours?" Willow asks, curious about what Jana had in mind.

" Don't sweat it, it'll work, " Jana says, " But I'm gonna need some cash".

"What about that platinum Visa I gave you?" Willow says.

" Right… with the company name on it? C'mon, Willow, you gotta think better than that!" Jana says, mocking her.

" I knew there was a reason I hired you, " Willow says, " You're sneaky".

" Compliments get you nowhere, boss lady" Jana says, smiling, " I only take cash"

" How much do you need?" Willow asks, getting up to get her purse.

" A hundred bucks should cover it, " Jana says, quietly.

" A hundred? How many people you bribing, anyway?" Willow makes a little face.

" How much is it worth to see Buffy again, Willow?" Jana asks, pointedly.

_Only everything I own._

Willow digs in her purse, and takes out a wad of bills. She hands it to Jana.

" Ummm… bit more than a hundred here, Willow, " Jana says, quietly.

" Just in case you need more" Willow says, "Spend whatever you gotta."

_Oh, yeah, she's got it bad, _Jana thinks to herself.

" Anyway, boss lady, there's nothing more we can do tonight. I'm gonna get some rest… you should too!" Jana says brightly. She looks at Willow, and her expression changes to one of concern. " Are you gonna be ok, Willow?" She asks.

Willow looks up, smiling. But it's a pensive little smile. " Oh yeah, I'll be fine now. Thanks, Jana" She says.

"Are you sure?" Jana asks, really concerned. " I can stay if you like."

" Oh, yeah, right, " Willow says, trying to lighten the moment, " and have everybody in the company say I turned you into a lesbo?" She grins at Jana.

" Oh, my god, you're right! My reputation would be ruined, " Jana says in mock horror. She deadpans," Of course, if the price were right… ". She looks at Willow for a reaction.

" My god, you little gold digger, " Willow replies, pretending to be offended," you've already got all my cash."

" This wasn't a cash transaction, baby, " Jana teases, " I was thinking… I'd like to be CEO".

"Get out… you… you…" Willow is nearly giggling, but acts horrified, " …you … hussy!"

" Your loss, " Jana says, turning and heading for the door.

"Jana?" Willow calls out, her tone serious.

" Yes?" Jana turns, hearing the tone. She suddenly finds Willow hugging her tightly. She's at a bit of a loss to react.

" Thank you" Willow says, softly, " You're… a good friend."

" Sorry, Willow, won't work, " Jana says, trying to make light of the situation, " take more than that to get into my pants."

" I mean it, Jana, " Willow says, sincerely.

" I know, Willow, " Jana says, gently disengaging her. She squeezes Willows hands, " Good night, sweetie. Sleep well." She turns, and leaves.

" Night, Jana," Willow calls after her. She closes the door, and locks it.

Crossing back to her bed, Willow muses over the evening. Her face is troubled, but there is also a bit of hope present.

She reaches over, and turns off the lamp.

* * *

Buffy sits staring out her bedroom window at the full moon.

She paid off Mrs. Katz, and sent her home, deftly dodging the barrage of questions Mrs. K had when she saw Buffy had been crying. She'd checked on Joy, who was sleeping peacefully… like only a child can sleep. Then she'd prepared for bed, and lay awake, staring at the ceiling. Finally, giving up the pretense of sleeping, she got up, and moving a chair to the window, sat staring out at the night.

Her heart is full of despair. Even though she thought she'd cried herself out earlier, she could feel the tears threatening to fall again. Then she got angry with herself. _ You've got no right to cry. You made this mess for yourself. You ruined your life, and your daughter's life, and hurt the people who loved you. What do you expect? Chocolate and roses?_

She looks back on her life these last ten years, and with few exceptions, she'd change everything. She wouldn't change meeting and falling in love with Jim Price. That'd been… wonderful. And he'd given her Joy. So no, that was a definite keeper. And of course, Joy … she'd never trade having her Joy for anything. But… the rest? Oh yeah, she'd definitely change everything else. Anything she could. But it was too late to think that, way too late. She couldn't take back what she'd done… and she couldn't fix the hurt she done her friends and family. Nope. She'd made her mess, and now she pretty much had to live with it.

But acknowledging her guilt in the mess she'd made didn't make it any easier to bear. Despite her best efforts, the tears began to fall. Soon she was leaning on the sill, sobbing quietly…trying not to wake…

"Mommy?" A small voice calls out from behind her. Buffy turned and saw Joy standing in the doorway, looking sad.

" What is it, baby?" Buffy says, furtively wiping away her tears. She gets up and goes to Joy.

" Can't sleep… can I come in and sleep in here?" Joy asks.

" Why can't you sleep, sweetie?" Buffy asks. She looks at Joy. " Did you sneak candy before bed, again?"

" No, " Joy insists, but looks guilty. " Ok, yes" She confesses. Buffy sighs.

" You know you can't have any sweets before bed, baby. You never can sleep with all that sugar rushing through your system", Buffy scolds her, but not too harshly. Seeing Joy's sad little face, she relents. " Ok, I guess it'll be ok if you sleep in here … just this once, though."

Joy smiles, and hops on the bed. She looks over at Buffy, as if to say " Well? Aren't you coming?". Buffy, knowing sleep is impossible, still climbs into bed next to her daughter. She tries to settle down, so Joy will fall asleep.

" Tell me a story, please" Joy half asks, half demands.

" Aren't you a little old for bedtime stories?" Buffy asks, looking at her daughter.

" Please? Please, please, please!" Joy begs.

" Ok, if you promise to go to sleep right after, " Buffy says.

" I promise, " Joy says.

" What story do you want to hear?" Buffy asks. She almost doesn't have to.

" I want the story about the witch, " Joys says.

" Aren't you tired of that story yet?" Buffy asks. Tonight, somehow, she doesn't feel like that story.

" Nope!" Joy replies.

Buffy sighs, " Ok" she says. She starts the story:

" Once, long ago, in a land far away by the sea, lived a beautiful young woman named Willow. She was different from the other young women, however. She was a witch… a good witch. She had beautiful red hair…

* * *

Continued in Part 4


	4. Part 4

Encounter

By Norwalker

Part 4 of

Summary: A little tale of Buffy and Willow post "Chosen" (like about 10 years after). Really don't like writing too much about the story in the summary, but it's been a long time since the old best friends have seen each other. What happens? Read on.

Rating: R probably for language, adult themes, suggested stuff.

Category: It's Willow and Buffy… you gotta ask? Ok, Angst/Romance/Drama.

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own the characters. I get nothing from this except the pure satisfaction of telling a story. Don't blame them if the story sucks.

Warning: Adult themes, suggested violence, sexual situations. Lovemaking between members of the same gender. Not for children… if you're ten, you really shouldn't be reading this!

* * *

Willow stood on the street curb, undecided.

She looked down at the address on the paper Jana had given her, then at the street number at the house. She did this about 3 times, being absolutely sure.

_This is it. At least, according to Jana, this is it. _Willow's brow furrows. She's having a hard time accepting that Buffy could live here. The house looks like it was built 60 years ago, and hasn't had much, if any maintenance since. To call it ramshackle would be a kindness. The paint is old and powdery looking…where it isn't blistered or starting to crack. The shutters look like they have terminal wood rot. The windows are intact, and the screen door looks new, but the roof… no holes, but really, really saggy.

The yard is bare… no grass growing in it. There is one tree, kinda half dead looking, and the bushes are scraggly. The sidewalk is … stepping stones, mislaid and cracked, so they tend to sit at strange angles. The fence surrounding the yard is leaning in spots, and the gate looks a bit suspicious.

Willow's heart goes out to Buffy; she knows that things must indeed be hard for her to be living in a place like this. And it must be doubly hard to raise her little girl here.

That little fact had, when Jana told her, had blown Willow away. She hadn't even suspected that Buffy had a child, much less a nine year old little girl._ How is she doing it on a waitress's salary? She must be scraping on everything. This must be the best she can afford._ Willow feels a little pang. While she's not rolling in money, Willow has a very comfortable life afforded her by her business. She's had her ups and downs, and her tough times. But … she's always managed to get by. She's always had a decent place to live, and all the necessities, often a fair amount of luxuries to boot. In the last few years, WillNet has taken off, and her personal fortune has grown considerably… and appears it will continue to grow. So, it's especially painful to see someone she cares about living…like this._ But what can I do to change it? If I offer to help, Buffy will just refuse. She can be awfully stubborn that way._

But it's not the condition of the house that's making Willow hesitate; no one could accuse her of being a snob. She can be comfortable anywhere. What's causes Willow to pause is her own fears and doubts. She wonders if she knows the woman that lives here anymore. Ten years can bring about a lot of changes; she knows she's not the same person she was 10 years ago. She knows Buffy has probably changed a lot too. Would they click like they used to? Would she still feel the same about Buffy, or would she find herself wondering what they had in the first place? Would Buffy even want to see her, after that scene in the hotel? _Our lives have been so different… what would we even talk about._

Beyond that, Willow still had some anger and hurt from the way Buffy had just turned away from those people who loved her. She still didn't understand why Buffy, if she were in trouble, ran away, rather than ask for help. _Did she think we wouldn't help her? I can't believe that. But something made her do it._ It hurt badly, still hurt, that Buffy hadn't trusted her friends, trusted her, enough to come to her. No matter what happened, Willow wouldn't turn her back on her. _Buffy should know that. I would've done anything I could to help her._ What crowned it was that Buffy hadn't even called to let her know she was alive. She'd worried for years, then accepted she was dead. Now she's alive again, how does she deal with that? How is she going to tell Giles, Dawn, Xander and everybody that Buffy is alive, and hiding out? That she didn't die, but just turned her back on us?_ Didn't she know we'd worry about her? Didn't she know that we would wonder what happened to her? Didn't she know I would die a little, thinking she was dead?_

Willow wondered why she even came here. Buffy, by her actions, had pretty much made it clear she didn't want her, or any of them in her life._ Why did she come to my room, then? If she was so set on keeping us out, she could've just let it go, I never would've pursued it further. Maybe she didn't know that. Maybe she came to warn me off, to tell me to get lost. But it didn't seem that way. She seemed to want to reach out… and I batted her away. Too many maybes, too many 'I-don't-knows' here. I gotta know why. No matter how much it hurts, I gotta know why she did it. Better the hurt now, and get over it, than to let it eat me for the rest of my life. This just has to…_

" Hello!"

Willow, lost in her thoughts, didn't see the little girl walk up to her. Startled, she looks down and sees a pretty little girl with strawberry blonde hair and startlingly bright green eyes. She has a plethora of freckles across her nose and cheeks, and a winning little smile. But the most amazing thing is she's standing right up next to Willow, looking at her with open curiosity and frankness. Not a bit of shyness or reserve in the child. And her look, her expression says that she can see right through you, so don't try to lie to her.

" Well, hi, " Willow says, immediately charmed, " Who're you?"

" I live here, " the little girl says, dodging the question and asking her own " Who're you?"

Willow smiles, seeing that this little cookie's no dummy. She squats down to get on eyelevel with the little girl.

"Well, I guess that's fair, " Willow says, brightly, " My name's Willow… what's yours?"

The little girl's brow scrunches up, and it hits Willow. _My goddess, this has got to be Buffy's little girl. She does the same thing when she's thinking!_ The little girl stares at her intently, and her face gets a doubting look on it.

" No way, you're not Willow" The little girl decides, " You're lying!"

The little girl is so sure of herself, so convinced she knows the truth…Willow can't help but burst out laughing.

" I'm lying?" Willow says, between laughs. " You sure?"

" Oh, my mommy's told me all about Willow. She lives far away, by the sea. And she's a witch…" She says, confidently, " and … she's just a girl. You're too old to be her!".

Willow is enchanted. Even when she's being less than friendly, this little girl is the charmer.

"Hmmmm… How am I going to prove to you I'm Willow?" Willow ponders gravely, getting in on the game. " Would you like to see my driver's license?"

The little girl shakes her head impatiently, " If you're really Willow, you'll prove it by doing something magical!" the little girl insists. " If you don't, then I know you're just telling me a fib!".

"Of course, whatever was I thinking?" Willow says, smiling, " So…what shall I do? What shall I do?" She looks in her purse, and finds a pencil. She takes it out, and hands it to the little girl. " Would you hold this for me, please?" Willow asks.

" 'K ", the little girls say, reaching for the pencil. But before she can grab it, it floats out of Willow's hand. She reaches to where it stops… and it moves away…floating in the air. The girl reaches again, and again it moves, back to the first spot. She gets a determined look on her face, and grabs for it quickly, but it floats up and out of her reach. Then it starts to spin, slowly…and moves down in front of her. The little girl's eyes have gone wide by now, but Willow isn't quite done. She mutters a small spell under her breath, and the pencil turns into a pretty butterfly… and flies away.

The girl is looking at Willow with wide eyes, her mouth in shaped like an "O". Then she gets excited, and almost starts dancing in place.

" You're here… you're really HERE!" Joy shouts, almost jumping up and down, " I wished… I wished you come visit me, and you did!" She looks at Willow, then reaches out and touches her, as if she can't believe she's really here… then she takes off, running up to the house at full speed, calling out at the top of her lungs.

" Mommy! Mom! MOM! Come quick, come QUICK!" Joy yells, " Hurry…hurry , hurry! "

The door to the house opens, and Buffy comes out on the porch. She looks at Joy , checking her to see if she's alright.

" Goodness, Joy, what is it? Why're you yelling so…." Then she looks over Joy's shoulder, and stops dead.

" Mommy, mommy… look, it's her! It's really her! " Joy shouts, her voice full of excitement, " I wished she would come see me, and she has!"

" Joy, sweetie, maybe you should go inside now, ok?" Buffy says, turning her gaze on Joy, " Dinner's almost ready."

" But mommy, it's HER! She… she did magic and everything. She made a pencil float, and dart around, and spin…and it turned into a butterfly and flew away and everything!" Joy is squirming in excitement.

" No ' But, mommy', " Buffy says, firmly, " Dinner's nearly on the table, and you need to wash up. I'm sure Willow has to be going…" Buffy looks at Willow, her face a mask, unreadable, " … so maybe you should say goodbye, now".

" No! NO! She can't go now! She just got here!" Joy says, looking crushed. She runs off the porch towards Willow.

" Joy! Joyce Marie Price! You come back here right now!" Buffy yells at her, and then runs after her.

" Please, please Ms. Willow, you gotta stay! Ok? Please? Please, please, please??" The little girl , now by Willow, pleads with her.

Willow looks down at Joy, and says, " Honey, that's up to your mother."

Joy turns back to Buffy, and pleads, " Mommy, please…please ask her to stay…please?"

Buffy takes one look into her baby's face, and she knows she's lost. Sighing, she looks up at Willow. She's not sure how she feels about her being here.

" Have you eaten?" Buffy asks, a little gruffly. She's not pleased at being cornered this way.

"No, not yet" Willow says simply. She feels a little badly about the whole situation. She didn't mean for it to go like this. But on another level, she wonders how the little girl knows her name, and that she's a witch._ Just another little mystery to be solved, I guess._

" Well, it's not chez-ritzy" Buffy says, falling into an old pattern of speaking, " but it hasn't killed anybody yet. So, wanna have dinner with us?"

" Look, Buffy. I didn't know you'd be eating… I can come back another time…" Willow offers, letting her off the hook.

" Oh, no. I'll NEVER hear the end of it if you don't stay" Buffy says, a bit ruefully, " god, why I ever made up that story in the first place… look, you don't have to stay after, just come in so Joy will eat, and not get all upset, ok?"

" Ok, Buffy, " Willow says, softly. " Look, I'm sorry about the magic… just seemed… harmless at the time. I didn't know she'd get all…."

" Forget it Will, no big" Buffy says, " You better come in, dinner's almost ready, and I don't really want it to burn". With that, she turns, takes Joy's hand, who looks over her shoulder and beams at Willow, and walks back into the house.

Willow watches them, then follows. She has a feeling it's going to be a long night.

* * *

Willow was surprised when she entered Buffy's house. Pleasantly surprised.

As ramshackle and worn as the exterior was, the opposite was true of the interior. The walls were in good order, patched and painted, the floor, hardwood, had been sealed and waxed. There wasn't much in the way of furnishings, but what there was had been carefully picked… it was of good quality, though it showed it's age. You could tell a child lived here; lots of bright adorned the room, pictures of things popular with children decorated the walls. What books populated the small bookshelf were geared towards a child's interest. Everywhere there were touches of a house made a home.

But what pervaded the small house most was a warm, loving atmosphere. As Willow watched the interaction between mother and daughter, she observed an easy, casual interaction between mother and daughter. That there was a real feeling of love was evident. More, they liked each other, and it could be told they enjoyed playing together, when time permitted. Willow could see that Joy was the center of Buffy's universe; that her life was dedicated to making the little girl as happy as she could. This was not to say that she spoiled Joy; far from it. There were rules, and Buffy enforced them. But it was done in a way that reinforced her love for her daughter. Firmness tempered by kindness. Willow could see that Joy gave Buffy a channel for the selfless love she harbored. It allowed her to break the mold of the 'self-absorbed' Buffy that was familiar to those who knew her, and showed that she'd matured into a woman who cared more about others than herself. It didn't surprise Willow too much; she always knew that her friend was a loving, compassionate person. It just took adversity, and having a child, to allow herself to show it.

"Willow?" Buffy called across the living room, "Dinner's ready. We don't stand on ceremony here. Just be seated and help yourself. There's plenty" With that, Buffy sat next to her daughter at the small dining room table. Willow crossed the living room and joined them.

The dinner, for the adults anyway, was awkward and strained. Conversation between Buffy and Willow was confined to the general polite conversation of strangers, and very little of that. Both knew that this was not the time to bring up the issues between them; but that didn't make the issues go away. Both realized that they were going to have to talk about them, but not now. . So, instead, both women focused on Joy. Buffy asked about her day, about her teachers, what she learned, about her friends. Willow answered Joy's questions about magic, and talked about her beliefs, and where her magic came from. She carefully veered from any references of the darker aspects of magic, and avoided any mention of hers and Buffy's adventures together. Willow had no idea what Joy knew or didn't know about her mother, but she wasn't going to reveal by accident anything Buffy might be keeping from the girl. They somehow got through dinner, but it wasn't easy on either Buffy or Willow.

After dinner, up to her bedtime, Joy pretty much dominated Willow's time. That was a relief to both women, as talking between them with Joy in the room was… stilted. Joy insisted on showing Willow her books, and Willow told her which ones had been her favorites when she was Joy's age.

" You mean they had these books way back then?" Joy asks, innocently.

" Oh yes, but they still wrote them on scrolls in my time" Willow replies, jokingly " bindings came later".

" Don't be silly" Joy says, all serious and a little disgusted, " I'm not stupid."

" No, you're not, " Willow agrees, " but being silly is fun".

Joy then took Willow, and introduced her to her favorite stuffed bears. Willow did a small spell, and made the bears dance together, much to Joy's delight. Just as the bears stopped dancing, Buffy came into the room.

" Ok, honey, time for your bath, then bed" Buffy said

" Aw, mom… can't it wait? There's so much more I want to show Willow!" Joy said.

" You can show Willow another time, honey, " Buffy said, quietly but with a firm tone, " but now it's your bedtime".

" Mommy, please?" Joy pleaded, looking to Willow for support.

" You should do what your mom says, Joy, " Willow says, " We can do more another time, ok?"

Joy sighs heavily, as only a disappointed child can, " Oh, ok" She says, a little sulkily. She gets her robe and underwear, and heads for the bathroom. Buffy and Willow go into the living room.

"I wish you wouldn't do that, " Buffy says, peevishly.

" Do what, Buffy?" Willow asks, bewildered.

" Act like you're going to be back. We both know you won't" Buffy says, " and I don't want Joy upset when you don't come back."

" How do you know I won't be back?" Willow says, miffed.

" Another thing, " Buffy says, as if Willow hadn't said anything, " I don't want her exposed to all the magic stuff. I'm trying to keep her out of that kind of life."

" Kind of life?" Willow says, annoyed, " What's wrong with that ' kind of life' ?"

" For you, Willow? Nothing, " Buffy says, not really getting the underlying insult, " but I don't want Joy exposed to all that stuff. Especially the danger."

" You don't want Joy exposed to magic, " Willow says, maybe a little derisively," Yet you settle in one of the most magic -laden cities in America".

"I didn't choose to stay in New Orleans because of the atmosphere, " Buffy says, " I stayed because for the first time, in what seems ever, I haven't felt I need to uproot us after a couple of months".

"What's that supposed to mean, Buffy?" Willow asks

" Nothing, forget it, Will" Buffy says, heading to the bathroom to check on Joy.

" No…it's not nothing, Buffy. What do you mean?" Willow is doggedly determined to find out what the hell is going on.

" Not now, Will" Buffy says, turning back. Her face is cold and hard, not brooking any further discussion. She enters the bathroom.

"Fine, " Willow says, her voice edgy. She sits down on the sofa, wondering why she even came here. _ So far, it's been a pretty stupid idea. This is looking like a total waste of time. I should've known better. Buffy's not gonna tell me why she decided to drop out, and I'm just gonna be the fool because I thought maybe what we once had meant something. Pretty obvious I had that all wrong. I should probably just go._ Figuring it was pointless staying, Willow starts to get up to find her purse so she can leave. She feels someone tugging at her sleeve, and she looks around into the face of a freshly washed Joy.

"What is it, sweetie?" Willow asks, looking down on the little girl. Joy reaches out and hugs willow tightly. Willow returns the hug.

" Mom said to come in and say goodnight to you, " Joy said. She hugs Willow again, and whispers to her, " Thank you for coming to see me". She kisses Willow on the cheek, then turns and runs to her bedroom, still full of energy.

Willow finds herself sitting back down, an amused expression on her face. She feels some of her anger dissipating, she laughs self deprecatingly. _That little girl's gonna break a lot of hearts in her time. _She settles back, realizing she's not going to leave until she got what she came for.

Buffy walks into the room a little bit later, looking a little frazzled from caring for Joy. She notices Willow is still here, and it's hard to tell from her expression whether she's surprised or not. But you can tell she's not unhappy about it.

" Can I get you something while I'm up, Will?" Buffy asks, heading for the kitchen for some water.

" No, thanks Buffy, I'm fine, " Willow replies. She's nervously fingering the strap on her purse. It's the moment of truth… and she's not so sure she's ready to hear the truth, or wants to. Even though it's been a couple of days now, she's still trying to process the fact that Buffy is alive. She's held off calling the others. She wanted to at least be able to explain Buffy's motivation for running. Despite the anger and hurt she's felt, she doesn't want to shut Buffy out; rather, she wants to somehow bring Buffy back into her life. But it's not only her that's been hurt, and the others… it might not be so easy trying to win them over._ Which makes me a pushover, I guess, since I… want her back. Why does it have to be so difficult? Life is too freaking complicated sometimes._

Buffy enters the room, carrying a bottle of water. Her expression is mixed. Dread is fighting with curiosity . She's glad to see Willow here, not raging, but she just doesn't get it. After that scene at the hotel, she thought for sure she'd never see Willow again… yet 3 days later, she's sitting in her living room. But she fears that Willow has just come to tell her that she doesn't forgive her, can never forgive her. Even though, for Joy's sake, Will has acted … well, friendly, she still knows that there are issues to be worked out. If they can be worked out. That's what she fears most: that it's too late to try again.

"Willow, why are…" Buffy starts, but Willow starts at the same time

" I guess you're wondering why…." Willow starts, realizes Buffy spoke, and stops

They look at each other and laugh nervously.

" I thought after the other night, well… you were pretty clear about how you felt. I… gotta say I'm surprised you're here" Buffy gets out, a little tense. Not really feeling like round 2 of the emotional boxing match…especially with Joy just a room away.

Willow looks down at her hands, which are clutching nervously at her purse…and looks up.

" Look, Buffy, I… I'm not saying I'm sorry about that… well, I'm sorta sorry, cause I really didn't want to handle it that way…of course, I never really thought about how I'd handle it… I never thought I'd see you in this life again… but I mean I didn't want to just leave it with all that anger and stuff… though you gotta admit I had a right to be angry… you just showing up out of nowhere like nothing happened… what ARE you laughing at?" Willow notices Buffy is barely holding back her laughter.

" I think I missed that most of all… The Willow Babble" Buffy tries to suppress the giggles… but they escape. After the tension of the evening, they just build and build until she's nearly falling over laughing.

Willow stares at her like she's gone mad… but then slowly the giggles take her, and soon she's leaning back in the chair, giggling and laughing like a crazy woman. All the angst just seems totally absurd now. But of course, she tries to salvage a thread of her dignity.

" S-S-Stop l-laughing…its n-n-not f-f-f-funny" Willow says, barely able to get that out between giggles.

" Y-Y-Your right, n-n-not funny at all" Buffy laughs, not able to help it, "S-S-Stopping N-N-Now!"

But of course they don't… not for a couple of minutes. They both need it, badly. Finally, somewhat exhausted, almost breathless, both not looking at the other afraid they'll burst out laughing again, they get it under control. They sit for a second, just letting the quiet settle over them.

" Buffy," Willow says, a little breathless from laughing, " I just gotta know. Why?". She ventures a look at Buffy, and sees her expression change radically. Her face seems to collapse into a brown study.

" It's just so stupid, Will… or it seems like it now" Buffy starts, trying to carefully pick her words to make her former friend understand, " But at the time it happened, everything seemed to just fall apart. A lot of things were happening , bad things… and I … I don't know… God, I've tried to make it make sense to me all these years, and it still doesn't. How can I expect you to understand?"

" Please try, Buffy, " Willow says, trying to encourage her.

Well, It was during my first year in Cleveland when it all started, " Buffy said, quietly, " It was all good, at first. I just gotten that job with the law firm, acting as receptionist, gopher , whatever was needed. It wasn't real prestigious, but it was a lot better than anything I'd had up 'til then. I was working there days, and doing the slaying at night. I even was thinking of taking some college classes… you know, better myself. I was kinda on a path towards something, " Buffy pauses," then it just all changed. One day, Jim Price walked into the law firm, and things… changed."

Buffy makes a face," God, over-dramatic much, Buffy? It's not like lightning bolts and spooky music time. What I meant was, I met Jim, and … well, ok at first, nothing… but I found myself starting to look out for him, ya know? And … it wasn't like he was … God, Willow, how do you explain falling in love? You _know _ my history with guys. Angel, Riley, even Spike, to a degree… all kinda big and broody and dark. Jim had to be the polar opposite of them. First of all, he was not a lot taller than you are, Will… maybe 5'8" or 5'9" … kinda short in relation to the other guys I had a thing for. And he wasn't like … eye candy… he was ok, I mean… attractive enough, but not gonna –make –you drool. But there was something so sweet about him, so… funny, he always made me laugh! I always felt better after seeing him. Then I started feeling not so good not seeing him, if you get my drift. There was just something about him, made my heart go pitty pat. Something that just seemed so right." Buffy gets up, and wanders around a bit, " I got a picture of him here…somewhere…" She stops…and picks up a picture on one of the bookcase's shelves, and brings it over to Willow. " Here, you can see for yourself…though pictures don't really bring HIM out… it's more like, you had to be there."

Willow looks at the picture, then really looks at the picture. The man is on the slender side, not at all what you'd call muscular. He has deep red hair, and a splash of freckles adorning his cheeks. And deep, greenish-blue eyes. Willow looks at Buffy, then looks at the picture again, and wonders if Buffy noticed anything. Like, if Willow had a brother, this could be it. The resemblance was… startling. She hands the picture back to Buffy, and notices Buffy eyes fixed on her face. She feels a small flush creeping up her neck.

" Yeah, ok, Willow, I noticed it too… I'm not denying that might have been part of the attraction, " Buffy says, with a candor that Willow's not exactly used to from her ex-best friend. " He reminded me a lot of you… and I felt…comfortable with him… more than with guy I'd ever been with, almost more than with anyone I'd known," Buffy makes the reference pointedly. Willow feels her flush deepen. Buffy goes back to her story, veering off where this might lead, " Anyway, we started dating. Casually at first, more like friends… but it didn't stay that way. I fell for him Will… hard. He had to be the opposite of what I thought I wanted, yet he was everything I ever wanted."

" Buffy… you…never told me about him," Willow said, a little miffed, " Don't you think I would've like to have known?".

" I see lots of things now, Will, I didn't see then, " Buffy says, contritely, " I was coming of bad history with guys. You know my record. At first, I was just kinda trying to see where this was going, IF it was going. I didn't tell anybody. I wasn't ashamed… I was afraid. I thought if I announced it, I would jinx it. Again."

" For a while, it was… wonderful, Will. Absolutely wonderful, " Buffy had a small smile on her face, but it wasn't happy, it was sad, wistful. " We'd moved in together, we were planning on getting married. I swear, Will, I would've told you then… before then… I couldn't think of anyone else who'd I want to be my maid of honor, " Buffy says.

"Around that time, Jim got a big case. It would be one, that if he were successful, would've made him a partner in the firm," Buffy said, " It involved the son of one of the wealthiest families in Cleveland. This family wasn't just rich, Will. They were RICH… all capitals, they were like one of the richest families in America. And they were spending a fortune on legal fees, because the favorite son of the family was in serious trouble," Buffy pauses, her face hardening, " Seems he was accused of being in a child porn ring. A large one. He of course, denied it. Jim never would've taken the case, but he believed his client. So, he threw himself in the case. He really went all out to defend his client, because of course something like this would ruin him for life."

" But then it blew up in his face, " Buffy said, her voice getting a angry, hard edge, " I don't know what made him do it, but one night, his client confessed to Jim. He was guilty! He was involved. Not only involved, but really heavily into it, financing it, etc." Buffy stops, stands up and starts pacing, " Jim was furious, and revolted. He'd totally believed in his client, and found out he'd been made a fool of… but worse, he was helping a … molester go free. The government's case was shaky, and Jim had been effective in blowing holes in it. He was disgusted with his client and with himself. He immediately asked to be removed from the case, but the Judge wouldn't allow it. He was stuck. But he couldn't , wouldn't live with the thought that he'd put a child molester back out on the streets."

" By law, he didn't have to report what he'd learned. Attorney – client privilege. But he couldn't live with himself, knowing what he knew, " Buffy says, " He knew pretty much his career would be damaged, but he had a strong moral sense. He went to the D.A, and revealed what he knew, " Buffy takes another drink of water. She lets out a sigh, and continues, "Well, that pretty much got him off the case, because the D.A subpoenaed him as a witness. The firm when they found out, pretty much fired him… the bastards, " Buffy says, bitterly, " He was doing the right thing, and they let him twist in the wind. Anyway, he gave what evidence he could, which , with his testimony, led to a conviction. He'd lost a lot, but he slept at night, knowing he'd done the right thing."

" Of course, the family was furious at him, " Buffy says, " But he didn't care. He was right, and he knew it. But he should've cared some, because they weren't going to just let it go. First thing they did was to make sure Jim was blackballed. They were rich and powerful enough to make sure he didn't work in Cleveland again. But that wasn't enough… not near enough, " Buffy says, resentfully. " Child molesters don't live long in prison, and the son wasn't an exception. Though he'd been segregated from the general population for his protection, the word got around. They found him hanged in his cell, his… privates cut off. Rough justice, but I can't say this guy didn't deserve it, " Buffy says." The family, however, saw it differently, and blamed Jim for the son's death. They weren't going to let that go."

Buffy stops, leaning her head on her hand. This part hurts, still hurts after ten years. She needs time to gather herself together. Willow pretty much knows what's coming, but reaches out, and holds Buffy's hand. She's lending what support she can, knowing that Buffy needs to do this. _This is probably the first time she's had a chance to tell anyone._

"I came home late one night. I was still working for the law firm, and I had a doctor's appointment afterwards. I was kinda suspicious, but the doctor confirmed it for me… I was pregnant. We were gonna have a baby, me and Jim. I didn't care if he'd lost his job, or anything. I was gonna insist he marry me now… and I was thinking all the way back how I was gonna call you, tell you, get all giggly excited with you. It was gonna be so great, Will. We'd be together again, you'd be my maid of honor, and we'd really get a chance to catch up… I can't tell you how much I hated not telling you. Now I had no more excuses, and I was so jazzed. Everything was gonna be great now," Buffy's voice changes. It's devoid of emotion. As if she's reciting facts… she can't deal with bringing up all the emotions again, " I don't know what it was… maybe my slayer sense… but I knew something was wrong as soon as my hand touched the doorknob to our apartment. I opened the door, cautiously, and there was Jim… lying on the floor…lots of blood. I lost it then. I didn't think, I just ran in to check on him…and that's when the killers jumped me."

" They were tough and strong, " Buffy continues, " but nothing that I hadn't handled before. They had knives, and guns, but I managed to disarm them, and then I kicked their ass. I think ... no … I know I went a little nuts. I beat them up pretty badly. I found some tape or something, and tied them up. But at that point, they were still alive. I went over to check on Jim. I prayed to every deity I knew, praying he was still alive. But I was too late, " Buffy stops, despite her resolve she starts to shake, "Damn me, damn me to hell. If I hadn't gone to the doctor's that evening, I could've been there. I could've protected him. He'd be alive Will… none of this would've happened!"

" Buffy… you can't blame yourself, " Willow says, sympathetically, " It wasn't your fault!"

" I could've saved him, Will!" Buffy shouted…then, seemed to collapse into herself. Willow comes over, trying to comfort Buffy, but she shrugs her off, " I don't deserve to be comforted Will. What I did next… was inexcusable. I lost it, Will. I really loved him Will, and the … monsters that killed him were right there, tied up. I lost it. I felt something dark take me. They were gonna pay, pay big… they were starting to come around, and I went to them… and my rage turned cold. I picked up one of the guns they had…I hate guns, but at that moment, I didn't care. I went to the first one, and put the barrel in his face. I saw the fear. I relished it, will. I fed on it. I wanted him to be scared. I took it slowly, and I shot him… in the face. The last thing he saw was me pulling the trigger. I went to the other one. He begged. But I was remorseless, and relentless. I shot him in the neck. When it was done… I felt empty. It didn't mean a thing. It didn't … satisfy me. It felt… sick" Buffy starts shaking so badly, Willow has to come over and hold her…so she doesn't hurt herself. It takes her nearly 15 minutes to get Buffy calmed down. Still being held by Willow, she continues." I didn't have to do that Will… I didn't. But my rage, my hatred was so intense … something dark took me over… I didn't know, Will… now I understand… I understand, " Buffy is pale, and she looks at Willow. Willow is also pale, remembering her dark time. Buffy continues, "…anyway, afterwards, I untied them, and made it look like… Jim had managed to kill them in self defense… but not before he was mortally wounded. I felt nothing but cold ice inside, Will. I'd killed two humans… but it didn't …I didn't feel anything. I wiped the gun clean… and then put one of the dead bodies prints on it…and then… to make it convincing…so it would look like I was attacked … I shot myself in the shoulder."

Willow's eyes go wide, and she releases Buffy. She stares at her, and says " Buffy! God!".

" I didn't care, Willow. If I hadn't been pregnant, I probably would've just killed myself. I… didn't feel anything, inside. I was dead already, felt dead." Buffy says, her voice sounding dead, too.

" Buffy , goddess, don't SAY that!" Willow exclaims, hugging her. Willow all too well knows the feeling, how the darkness eats your soul.

Buffy turns to her, looking into her eyes, " I just didn't care anymore Will. Jim was dead, my future, my happiness…dead. I wanted to die. I really did. But…I couldn't kill the innocent life in me. I couldn't."

"After that, I called the police. I made up some story, acting hysterically… maybe not entirely acting…I don't know…it's all like a nightmare…that night…I didn't care if they believed me or not, but I must've been convincing, cuz they did", Buffy says. " After that, I thought I was safe. I moved away from that apartment, got another place, worked, and waited for Joy to be born."

" But I wasn't safe. Somehow they figured out what really happened. That family. They figured I knew they were involved… and they weren't looking for witnesses. They came after me," Buffy says, her tone even, but her voice a little shaky, "nothing I could prove, nothing that would connect them, but too many " close calls" happened to me. I got scared, and I got lost, " Buffy says.

" I know… I maybe should've called you guys, " Buffy says, " I can't tell you how many times I wanted to. I …couldn't. I was afraid if I got you involved, you'd be in danger too… all of you" Buffy says." I know you guys would've gone to the wall for me… but I couldn't let you do it. I couldn't take a chance as to how far these … monsters could reach. Jim had died…I couldn't take it if you died, or Xander, or Giles… because of me. I couldn't deal, Will, not with that too."

" Joy was born seven months after that," Buffy says, quietly." Just before she was born, I really, truly considered giving her up. I thought it was the only way she could be safe… I shoulda… I shoulda given her up. She would be safe, and happy if I done the right thing. But, once I held her, looked in those eyes… I couldn't do it, " Buffy says, " I loved her from the instant I saw her… she was part of me. I… I couldn't do it, and I've regretted it so many times since. Not because of her; she's been my one real happiness in this whole mess. I regretted I stole a happy, normal life from her".

" Buffy, I watched her and you, " Willow interjects, " I've seen how you two act together. I know… from what you've told me so far, you've both had it rough. But I don't think Joy could be any happier…anywhere."

" Joy is special, " Buffy says, " but the life I've given her? God, Will. What does she have? No place to call home, barely enough money to get by on… if she gets sick, I gotta hope I can find a free clinic to treat her… or we eat very little. She doesn't have any of the things a little girl should have. She's had a crappy, miserable life, and it's my fault, Willow. I could've done right by her, given her a chance at a decent life…and I didn't. Cuz I'm selfish." Buffy is near tears.

" Stop it, Buffy" Willow says gently, sensing Buffy's mood, " Beating yourself up because you couldn't give her more is foolish. She's happy, Buffy. Doesn't take a genius to see that. And you love her more than anything in this world… you'd give your life to protect her… also doesn't take a genius. I look around this place and see you've worked damned hard to make her a home. So, beating yourself up is pointless."

" Willow…." Buffy starts, but Willow shushes her.

" Stop it, Buffy." She says simply.

"That's pretty much it, Will, " Buffy says, sounding tired, " I keep running, because I can't ever feel safe… I'm sure I'm being followed. We moved a lot… way too much for any child" Buffy says, " She's lived in some pretty crappy dumps, Will. The only reason this place is decent…is because for the first time…I've felt sorta safe. Like they haven't found me. We've been here a little over a year…longest in any place, ever."

" Besides robbing Joy of a decent childhood, " Buffy starts, but Willow's stern look cuts her off, " Ok, ok.. I'll stop the self-pity. The thing I regret most is not telling you, or any of the gang, that I was still alive. But I was afraid , Will. Afraid they'd go after you guys, or… get to me through you. Somehow. So I figured, somehow, it was better to let you think I was dead. I … figured you'd all be safe, and Joy would be safer, that way, " Buffy finishes, " It was stupid. I know that now. I'm… I can't tell you how much I wish I'd done it differently, " Buffy starts to shake again, and her eyes glisten with tears, " I can't tell you how much I missed you all. I missed you every day. I hurt you guys badly, and there's no way I can ever make that up." Buffy feels the tears starting to fall, and breaks away from Willow, standing up, walking away…

" Buffy?" Willow says, surprised and confused, "What?"

" I don't deserve to be comforted, Will, " Buffy says, holding herself, not facing Willow, " I don't deserve anything. I've been nothing but a fuck up. I did everything wrong . I hurt everybody."

Willow stands up, and goes to Buffy. She turns her around, and sees Buffy trying not to cry. Buffy angrily wipes at her tears, not wanting to cry in front of Willow. Willow just pulls her close, and holds her. Buffy stiffens.

" Idiot, " Willow says to her, " You're a moron, you know that Buffy?".

Buffy, not relaxing, whispers, " I know that."

" Ok, if you know that, WHY are you a moron?" Willow asks, gently.

" Cuz I fucked up everything, " Buffy says, miserably.

"And why is that?" Willow prods gently. She gets no answer, so she continues, " you fucked up everything, as you say, because you keep thinking you have to save the world, Buffy. You keep protecting your friends, to the point where you hurt them by shutting them out."

Buffy looks at Willow with a puzzled look on her face, " What?" She asks.

"Why, dammit, do you have to carry the whole world on your shoulders, Buffy? " Willow asks, " they're pretty thin, those shoulders. Why don't you, for once, admit you need help? That's what makes me the angriest of all, Buffy."

Buffy still looks confused. Willow sighs._ Does she have a brain up there? Or is it pure 100% rock?_

" Buffy, it hurts because you're saying we can't help you. You're rejecting our help even before we can give it. Don't you think after all the times you've put your life on the line, we wouldn't want…no…NEED to help you? But somehow you got the idea that only you've got to protect us, at all costs. Problem is, this time it cost too much."

" I understand, Will, " Buffy says, ashamedly.

" No, Buffy, I don't think you do" Willow replies, to Buffy's confusion, " You don't get it at all. When we were together, fighting side by side, you risked it all, and lots of times pulled our butts out of the fire. But, at least we felt like we helped, even in a small way. But… this time, you pushed us away. I know you think, or thought, you were doing the right thing. But the fact is , Buffy, you made us weak and useless. Do you get that?"

"Will, I didn't mean…" Buffy starts, but Will cuts her off.

" I know that. But you did, nonetheless. You made us believe you were dead. We all grieved over you. Do you know what it felt like to lose you…again? And knowing that all the time you were alive…god, that's why I went nuts at the hotel. Because I never believed you'd do it just to spite us. I know you better than that. I knew you were in some kind of trouble … that's why I sought you out. I wanted to know what happened, so I could try to understand what you did. I do…up here, " Willow points to her head, " But here, " pointing to her heart, " I don't get it. Do you get it?"

Buffy stands silent, unmoving.

" You don't I guess, " Willow sighs. " You're my best friend, Buffy. I'd do anything in my power to help you, protect you, keep you in my life. Because you're my best friend. You mean so much to me. How can you just take that away from me?" Willow asks, " Don't you see? You took away something precious to me. I lost 10 years of you, because you didn't trust me enough to turn to me for help. But more, you took away the chance for me to help you, save you, like you've done for me, and for everyone. You took that from me, from all of us."

" I'm…sorry, Will" Buffy says, starting to cry. Not bothering to hide the tears now, " I didn't…I really didn't mean to."

" But you did. That's the problem, " Willow says, " I know you didn't mean to, but you did. Thing is, I understand why you did it, now. At least in my head. My heart's gonna take a little longer."

" Can… can you forgive me?" Buffy asks, almost a whisper.

" Dunno, have to think about it, " Willow says. Buffy's face falls, Willow continues, " Ok, thought about it. I guess I forgive you, if you stop the nonsense."

"Really?" Buffy asks, hopefully. Then the second part of the statement kicks in, " Nonsense?".

" I forgive you, if you stop being such a pigheaded moron and start letting me help you, " Willow says, gently.

Buffy lowers her head.

"I can't, Will", Buffy says, almost in a whisper, " I can't".

Willow loses her temper, " Goddess, Buffy ,what is wrong with you?" She says fiercely, but in a low tone, so not to disturb Joy. " I don't get you. Haven't you been listening to a word I said? Why won't you let me help you, Buffy?". Willow's face starts flushing in anger. She's about at her limit of tolerance. This being rejected hurts.

Buffy looks up, her eyes full of pain and sorrow. " I don't deserve help, Willow, " Buffy says, remorsefully. " Weren't you listening? I killed two men. Two humans. In cold blood. And I didn't feel a thing. No remorse, nothing. Don't you see?" Buffy says pleading with Willow, " I'm … evil, Will. I… I deserve this." Buffy looks down, not wanting to meet Willow's eyes.

Willow goes to Buffy, and forces her to look at her. She gets right into Buffy's face, not letting her look away.

" Are you nuts? Evil? YOU? My god, Buffy. I'm not saying what you did was right… but you're not evil, not be any stretch," Willow says, forcefully," You… you lost control, Buffy. You saw the person you loved murdered by these… things. I can hardly think of them as human. You snapped, but you're not evil! Do you think they would've lost any sleep over their murders? Don't bet on it. But I know you lost sleep over what you did… and more."

" That doesn't matter, Will, " Buffy says, " I'm responsible. I did that."

" Yes, you're responsible, " Willow says quietly, " just like I'm responsible for killing Warren Mears," Will states, " I carry it every day, I took life. You're stuck with that now too. Goddess, that I could've spared you that, " Willow turns back to Buffy, " But the fact that you feel remorse, means you're hardly evil. Do you think I'm evil, Buffy?" Willow asks.

" Of course not, Willow" Buffy says, a little shocked, " that's absurd."

" Yet I killed Warren… in a more violent way than you killed those two men," Willow repeats, " I think you've punished yourself more than anyone else possibly could."

"It's what I deserve, " Buffy holds to her position.

" Does Joy deserve to be punished, too?" Willow asks, quietly.

Buffy jerks her head up. Willow looks at her with a stern expression.

" Of course she doesn't, " Willow answers her own question, " But you're punishing her too, don't you think?"

Buffy mutters angrily to herself, " I'm such a fuck-up".

Willow walks over, and slaps Buffy. Buffy looks at her , shocked. She rubs her face.

"God, Will…what was THAT one for?" Buffy complains.

" Stop it! Stop doing this … this self pity thing. Stop it NOW!" Willow says, her irritation boiling over, " I'm not saying you didn't have it rough. You did. But for gods sake, stop cowering , stop running and fight back! This is not the Buffy I know. She doesn't… won't let people push her around. But you do, and it has to stop, now!".

" But.. but…" Buffy argues, " I have Joy. I gotta protect her! I … I gotta keep her safe!".

" Buffy, you will, " Willow says, " You fought a God, to protect Dawn. You didn't back down, you didn't run…"

" Ummm… yes I did, remember?" Buffy says.

" To protect Dawn… but when Dawn was in danger… nothing , nothing on this earth or anywhere else would stop you, " Willow declares, " Stop running, and fight. I'll back you up… and I'll get Giles and the rest to back you up too."

" But how can I fight them, Willow? They're powerful, they've got more money … more of everything…how can I fight them?"

"Cuz we'll fight them, too, " Willow says, " I'm not rich, Buffy… not like these people are, but I'm not poor, either. I'll spend what it takes to get it done. And Giles… he heads the Watcher's council. They… have lots of influence, You know that. You know Giles would do anything for you. Even if he'll probably want to kill you, " Willow smiles, " And Xander… he's been rather successful himself. I know I can get him to kick in…" Willow's smile turns to a smirk, " especially if I threaten to tell his wife about some of the things I know about him…"

"WILLOW!" Buffy exclaims, surprised, " You wouldn't, " Then a small grin tugs at the corner of her mouth, " would you?"

" Oh, you better believe it, missy" Willow says, her resolve face setting, " If he tries to give me any flack, look out, mister." She mumbles to herself, " teach him to steal my Barbie!"

Buffy sits, and feels like a huge rock has been lifted off her shoulders. She looks at Willow, and sees the woman who has meant so much to her looking at her as if expecting some kind of answer.

" I don't know what to say, Will, " Buffy says, her voice low and quiet, " It's too much to handle. I… feel like for the first time in a long time… I'm not so alone."

" You never were alone Buffy, " Willow says, also quietly, " not if you didn't want to be."

" Guess I was kinda… stupid, huh?" Buffy says.

" Oh yeah, " Willow replies.

" You're never gonna let me live it down, are you, Will?" Buffy says, a bit of her old self seeping through the cracks.

" Oh no, " Willow replies.

" You're really enjoying this, aren't you?" Buffy says, " the whole moral superiority thing?".

" You betcha, " Willow affirms. Then her tone changes, " But I think I would rather have enjoyed the last ten years being together".

" Yeah, " Buffy says, her voice sounding tight, " me too." She feels a sudden unease. Her mouth feels a little dry. She turns to Willow, and blurts out, " I've missed you terribly, Will ".

" I've missed you too, Buffy, " Willow says, her expression unreadable, " you're my best friend, even if a little bit of a moron".

" Right," Buffy says, then veers the conversation in a different direction, " So, ummm… is there anyone special in your life, Will?"

" Huh?" Willow replies, taken by surprise, " No… no one special, really, " Willow says, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. She looks at her watch, " Hey…look at the time. I better get going…it's getting late." _What the hell are you doing, Willow? Running?_

" Do you have to, Will?" Buffy says, in a small voice, " Go, I mean?".

Willow looks at Buffy, and can see the invitation in her eyes. For some reason, she's feeling panicky. That's one feeling she never expected to feel around Buffy.

" Uhhh… Buffy?" Willow says, her throat suddenly feeling like she swallowed cotton, " I think we're both tired, and need to rest. I'll… we'll talk tomorrow, ok?" Willow stands up and retrieves her purse." I'm glad we had this talk."

Buffy sighs," Ok, Will, " she says, clearly disappointed." Let me check in on Joy, and I'll walk you to your car."

" That's ok, Buffy," Willow says, feeling a need to escape, all of a sudden._ What the hell is wrong with you, Willow?_" It's not far…"

" This neighborhood isn't real good, Will, " Buffy says," I'll walk you to your car." Her tone says, don't argue.

" 'K, Buffy, " Willow says.

Buffy goes into Joy's room to check on her. Willow stands, wondering if she, Willow, has gone nuts. _ God, Willow, she practically threw herself at you, and you panicked like a virgin. What is wrong with you? You know you've wanted something like this … forever… now that the moment is here, you're running!?!? It's just not right… not now. It… wouldn't mean anything now… I need it to…_

Buffy returns, snapping Willow out of her thoughts.

" You ready?" Buffy asks

" Yup" Willow replies, now seeming to lose the power of speech, too.

The women leave the house, Buffy locking the door after her. They make their way down the walk, and Buffy slips her arm through Willows, taking Willow's hand in hers. They continue through the gate, and down the street, Willow feeling as nervous as the virgin being led to a sacrifice. Buffy picks up the vibe, and stops.

" Willow, what's wrong?" Buffy turns to Willow, her expression confused.

" Nothing.. nothing's wrong, Buffy, " Willow says, but her insides are slam-dancing.

Buffy looks intently at Willow, and evidently sees something wrong. She drops Willow's arm.

" Ok, Will, " Buffy says, trying to mask the hurt in her tone, " I get it."

" Buffy?" Willow says, confused. _ I don't get it… how does she ' get it ' ?_

" Forget it, Will. My bad, " Buffy says, and that's all she says.

They walk to Willow's car in silence, neither speaking. They reach the car, and Willow starts digging in her purse for the keys. She suddenly feels Buffy's hand on her arm, and looks up. Buffy takes her in her arms, and kisses her. Willow freezes, her emotions going all over the map. Then all she is aware of is Buffy's lips on hers. The kiss ends suddenly, too suddenly.

" Oh…god. Will, I'm sorry…god" Buffy turns, and starts to run.

" Buffy… no… wait… BUFFY! " Willow calls out, but Buffy is already back at her porch, unlocking the door. Before Willow can move closer, Buffy closes the door behind her. Willow is more than surprised… yet not. In a way, she expected it, but she wasn't expecting her own reaction. Or Buffy's.

She sighs, and gets in the car.

* * *

Buffy, looking through the curtain, watches Willow's car pull away. She is a mass of confused emotions. She touches her lips, which had just touched Willows, and she feels an ache she hasn't felt in years. She feels hurt, and rejected, and confused. She doesn't understand her actions, or Will's reactions. Or maybe she does, and just doesn't want to admit it to herself.

She loves Willow… and Willow doesn't feel the same way. Crap.

She lets the curtain fall back in place, and starts to turn out the lights.

* * *

To be continued in part 5


	5. Part 5

Encounter

By Norwalker

Part 5 of

Summary: A little tale of Buffy and Willow post "Chosen" (like about 10 years after). Really don't like writing too much about the story in the summary, but it's been a long time since the old best friends have seen each other. What happens? Read on.

Rating: R probably for language, adult themes, and some sex stuff.

Category: It's Willow and Buffy… you gotta ask? Ok, Angst/Romance/Drama.

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own the characters. I get nothing from this except the pure satisfaction of telling a story. Don't blame them if the story sucks.

Warning: Adult themes, suggested violence, sexual situations. Lovemaking between members of the same gender. Not for children… if you're ten, you really shouldn't be reading this!

* * *

She felt the sweat cooling on her body; heard the sound of her lungs drawing air; and felt the beat of her feet on the pavement as she ran up the next hill.

Buffy ran through the temperate San Francisco morning, enjoying the cool air as it flowed against her face. She loved the runs in the morning, for a little while she could put aside her problems, her worries, and just enjoy how her body felt moving through the moderately cool air.

Since she'd returned with Willow to the Bay Area 6 months ago, Buffy had taken to hill running. Straight out jogging was not enough of a challenge for her; she liked pushing herself up the steep hills, feeling her lungs swell and contract with her breathing, the warm burn her muscles got conquering the hills. The exertion freed her mind, gave her a quiet sense of peace. It became her favorite part of the day; right after she'd drop Joy at school, she'd return home, don her running clothes, and go running. Usually she did 5 miles a day…up and down hills.

Buffy had to admit she loved the Bay area weather. So much nicer than the swampy, damp heat in New Orleans. Running there was truly a chore… you felt like you were running through a steam bath. Here the humidity was lower, the temperature was cooler, and the air , washed by the onshore flow from the bay, smelt clean with a hint of salt. Running here made her feel clean, purged. Better than she'd felt in a long while.

Joy was also doing well here. She loved her new school, and loved being so close to Willow. They'd hit it off like gangbusters; Willow was now " Aunt Willow", and Joy was always pestering Willow to show her stuff. Computer stuff, magic stuff. Despite her reservations, Buffy finally agreed to let Willow show Joy how to do a simple glamour . She was at least grounding her properly, explaining not only the spell, but why it worked, what it affected in the world around them, how magic itself was tied to the earth. Willow was making sure that Joy didn't fall into the same trap she'd fallen into when she had her addiction problem.

Buffy rested at the top of the hill, running in place to keep her leg muscles warm. She calmed her muscles and her heart, but her mind wasn't so easy to control this morning.

Despite all the good stuff that'd happened since Willow convinced her to come back, there was still a distance between them. Buffy had hoped that they'd be able to get past their wariness of each other, and get back to where they'd been before… close, confidential friends. But ever since that night in New Orleans, there'd been a wall between them. They could get just so close, then it would fall like a brick curtain, and an uneasy awkwardness would rise up. Things she wanted to say, feelings she wanted to express, were left untouched, pushed aside as if they would burn if either of them got too close.

C'mon, Buff. What'd you expect? It's not like it used to be, and it'll probably never be that way again. You disappeared from her life, all of their lives, and they moved on. The things you shared don't exist anymore. You're both different people now, so how can you expect her to just go back to what was? She has her own life now, a grown-up life, and it just doesn't include you. Not the way it used to.

She's been pretty damned generous with you, simply based on what you used to have. So, instead of crying over spilt milk, it's time to find your own way… you and Joy… and not worry over how Will feels about you. It's simple, girl. She hasn't forgiven you, not really, for just letting her think you were dead. Not deep down, not in her heart. She's still angry about it, and she's got a right to be. You shut her and everybody out… everybody who cared about you. So now you want back in… newsflash: You gotta earn your way back in. There's no easy way to go back home. It's step by step until you reach the front porch… then you've gotta knock.

You're really damned lucky to have her as much in your corner as she is. She's managed to smooth things over with Giles and Xander. They both are at least talking to you now. Dawn? That's a whole different story. I don't know if she's ever going to forgive me. I put her through a lot of levels of hell… she refused to hear my explanation… and who can blame her? She paid a hard price for my stupidity, and she's too angry now to forgive. I should've called, or let her know somehow I was alive… all of them. But it's too late now, I can only hope someday her curiosity and desire to see her niece will overcome her hostility towards me.

Buffy starts running downhill, but as fast as she runs, she can't escape her thoughts. I should be grateful for what I've got. At least Willow will speak to me, and is helping Joy and me. She's done more than I've got a right to expect. So why do I want more? Selfish much, Buffy? Oh yeah, always. Cuz I want her to look at me, and see me differently. I want so much more… and I don't deserve that. But it doesn't make the want, the ache, go away. It just makes it stronger, more poignant.

How can I tell her how I feel? How dare I even feel these feelings? I have no right, none at all. But without these feelings, I never would've made it til now. It was thinking of her, all those lonely, scary nights, that kept me going. Seeing her face, her eyes, her smile, kept me sane. Gave me the courage to face the next day, gave me the hope that someday things would be better. Would she believe me, even if I told her? Probably not. How could she? I never told her, in all the long years, how I felt about her.

She's been special every since I knew her. Since that first day back at Sunnydale High. I sensed right then that here was someone I could trust, I could tell anything, and she wouldn't judge me. She was so shy, so insecure. But as I watched her grow, she became so much more. She became confident, she became strong. She found someone to adore( Tara, of course) and her life seemed to be going on the right track. She was going to have it all, and I was happy for her( even if not so happy for myself).

And then, in one brief moment, by the mad chance, the laughing fates took it from her, and left her devastated. Tara was shot by that… Warren… and she died in front of her. She went insane with grief, and all the work she'd done to overcome her addiction went out the window. She nearly destroyed us all in her grief, her rage, her hatred of a world that would take her one light, her one joy away from her. I was so blind, so stupid. I tried to tell her life was worth living, that she'd get past it. It took Xander's simple wisdom; to accept her as she was, and to love her no matter what, to reach her. To bring her back from the edge.

But she was broken. An essential part of her was torn apart, and no one saw it. I'm the most to blame, because she was my best friend, I should've seen it. She needed not only our forgiveness; she needed us to believe in her again, trust her again. But we, and me especially, were too wrapped up in the First, and what was happening, to see that. It took Kennedy… god, that girl still gives me a queasy stomach … to do that. I failed her, big time.

After that… well, was there really an after that? No… I pretty much ran away. Again. I thought, no, I knew that I couldn't tell her now what had happened to me, and how I felt about her. Because it had changed, even then. I realized that … all too late… I loved her, and not as a friend, or as a sister. But she'd found Kennedy, and I lost. Deserved to lose because, lets face it, I'm an incredibly self involved woman who didn't see what was right in front of me all those years. Moron or idiot is too mild to describe me. Brain dead. Yeah, that works.

It's gotta be ironic that it took me going through my own personal hell to realize how much I had, and how much I lost. Pretty much, except for my sweet Joy, I've lost everything, and everybody who meant anything to me. Giles and Xander are trying hard, but lets face it, it's gone. Dawn? So gone, never to be revived. And Willow? God that's gotta hurt the most. Without her, I wouldn't be here… and now I've got to learn to live without her.

It's time, way past time, Buff. You know what you gotta do.

Buffy veers towards Willows. Her time for running is over. Time to face facts.

She doesn't notice her pace has slowed to a crawl.

* * *

" I don't get it, Buffy. Why now?"

Buffy and Willow are in the living room. Joy is already asleep upstairs. All day Buffy has been looking for a way to tell Willow it was time she moved out, found a place of her own for Joy and herself.

"Because it's time, Will. Way past time, " Buffy says, quietly, " Look, Will. Don't even get it wrong. I'm so grateful for what you've done for me and Joy, I can't begin to tell you how much it's meant. But we can't stay here any longer Will. It's not right , and it's really not fair to you".

"Huh?" Willow says, truly clueless, " What're you thinking, cuz I don't get it!"

" Will… how can you have your life if Me and Joy are here all the time? Since we've been back, I haven't seen you go out with anyone. I haven't seen you go out, period. This is wrong, dead wrong. For some reason, you feel an obligation to us, to be here all the time. But, Will… much as I love it, I can't stand by and watch you put you're life on hold for me and Joy. There's so much you could be doing if we weren't here. It's so not fair to you that we're in your way." Buffy pauses, and takes another tack. " And, God, I feel like a leech. I mean, I'm working now, making decent money. Ok, a receptionists salary isn't like a fortune, but it's enough I can contribute. But you won't let me. I mean, you won't charge me rent, I've gotta twist your arm to let me pay for groceries, you glare at me when I offer to split utilities. I know you're trying to make things easier for me, Will, but I feel like I'm taking advantage".

" Oh yeah, and when Tara and I lived with you at your house in Sunnydale, you so charged us rent!" Willow says, " and you weren't making anything like I'm making, Buffy. I… lets face it Buffy, I'm very well off. I love having you and Joy here, so what's the deal? I want you to save your money so you can take care of Joy. You know…college, all the goodies. That's where your money should be going. Oh, and it so wouldn't hurt for you to spend a little on yourself, too, " Willow says, " I mean, when was the last time you bought yourself a new dress, or shoes…or anything? I mean, other than work clothes? Ya know, something … fun?".

" Will, I'm not the clothes horse I used to be, things change, " Buffy says, " and anyway, that's off the point. The point is, Joy and I have taken up too much of your time and money. Time we start paying our way… or I pay our way, anyway."

" Buffy, you're reasons just aren't making sense," Willow says, " I mean, if you really want to pay something, fine, do it. If it'll make it better that you pay rent, or bills here, or something, ok. You're not being a 'leech', that's just silly, " Willow dismisses that argument, " And… as for my life. Well, Buffy, you know I'm not social butterfly girl. Never have been. Trust me, if I want to date, I'll date. With or without you here. So again, not an issue, " Willow reasons, " So, I'm stuck with… why now? Or even, Why?"

Buffy, her expression unreadable, doesn't answer Willow. She sits silently, as if she's debating what to say to convince Willow. A silence descends between them, it's not comfortable for either of them.

Willow is sensing that Buffy is holding back. Not telling her the real reason she wants to leave. But she's not going to make it easy for Buffy. Back when Buffy went to Cleveland, she sensed that Buffy had something she was holding back, not saying. She let her off the hook that time, and had 10 years to regret it. Even though she senses an uncomfortableness between them, she chalks that up to the long separation between them. They've grown apart, because they've lived vastly different lives. Still, she feels it's worth making the effort to find some way to get back to what they had, or at the very least, develop a new relationship. What she likes about Buffy, the things that attracted her to Buffy in the first place, hasn't changed. She hopes that Buffy doesn't think she's so radically changed that she can't find something of what they once had. Willow is convinced that whatever they're going through now is worth it; in the end it'll make for a stronger relationship between them.

Willow knows she's partly responsible for what's wrong between them. That night in New Orleans, when Buffy made it as clear as she was able that she wanted Willow… in more than a friendly way… well, she wasn't ready then. It was way too soon… the hurt, the other stuff, wasn't done. Ok, it's still not done, but it's getting better. But then, it would've just made things really awkward, really strange. Because Willow didn't want just… sex and/or comfort. Especially not with Buffy. It was a whole lot more she was looking for. Because Willow knew that somehow, if it were possible, she wanted to make Buffy and Joy a huge part of her life. But that meant they had to rebuild the trust lost between them, they had to rediscover what made the two of them, as friends, so special to each other. She didn't have a timetable as to when things would happen, but she knew she wanted them to happen. Maybe she wanted too much. She didn't know.

" Buffy, " Willow starts, but Buffy interrupts her

" Will, " Buffy says, then stops, realizing Willow wanted to speak.

Silence as both retreat a little. They look at each other as if not sure what to say, afraid to express what they really feel, fearing the other will be put off, or worse. Finally, Buffy breaks the silence.

" Will, this isn't going to work, is it?" Buffy says, resigned to having to tell the truth, " I think, maybe, it's too late in the day to make things better again."

Willow, feeling an icy fear in the pit of her stomach, replies, " Buffy, I don't understand, what're you saying?"

" I don't know how to explain it , Will." Buffy says, sighing a little, " I came to San Francisco hoping that somehow we'd be able to piece back together the friendship we once had." Buffy gets up, and starts pacing a little, " I guess it was foolish of me to think it could happen, after what I did. What we once had, Willow, was special beyond words. We trusted each other completely, cuz we knew that no matter what we said to each other, no matter what happened between us, we could count on each other. Our bond was strong enough to survive the fights we had, because we… loved each other. As friends. We knew we were better off together than apart."

" Well, yeah, we were best friends, Buffy" Willow said, " I believe we're still better together than apart, don't you?"

" I wish I could believe that, Will, " Buffy says, regretfully, " but that bond we had is broken. My fault, but it's the truth. Thing is, it was breaking before I disappeared, Willow."

" That's crazy talk, Buffy," Willow insists, " We were still friends when you… well, you know".

" Is it, really, Willow?" Buffy says, " Think about it. When you came back from England… no, before that. When you were getting addicted to magic, was I there for you, really? No, I was so wrapped up in what happened to me, that I didn't see you were quickly spiraling out of control. I … made excuses for you, let you twist while I tried to figure out if I wanted to live or die. I wonder even if I cared about anybody but me at that point? I surely didn't act like it."

"Well, I wasn't exactly support-o girl, either, Buffy" Willow protests, " I was so thinking I was right about everything, that I had all the answers, that I wanted everything to be just as I wanted it, that I didn't exactly get that pulling you out of heaven (when I found out) was traumatic to you. Instead of trying to get you to see that life was good, I wanted to make you forget you'd ever been there… and that screwed things up in a major way. I lost Tara over it, and I lost my moral compass. I went beserk-o, and it took almost killing Dawn to pull me back."

" Oh, god, Dawn, " Buffy says, remorsefully, " I so screwed up. She's never going to forgive me".

" Buffy, she's very hurt, " Willow says, trying to comfort Buffy, " Give her time. She'll come around."

" I don't think so , Will. I think I've really lost her, " Buffy says, resignedly, "And I fear, I've lost you too."

Willow looks bewildered. That doesn't make sense to her at all.

" Will, it was more than just that. When you lost Tara, went insane, did I try to understand what you were feeling? Try to reach you on a human level? I didn't…I'm not sure I could've. Not because you weren't reachable, but because I simply didn't get it. It took Xander, never one mistaken for Mr. Sensitivity, to get it. That you needed someone to hold onto while you're world went to hell. To love you unconditionally, without reserve. Because it hurt so much, you were drowning. Xander threw you the lifeline. It should've been me."

" Buffy, " Willow starts, but Buffy holds up her hand.

" No, Will. There's no excuse. When you came back , the one thing you needed, we all failed to give you. All you're friends let you down. It took Kennedy to see what you needed. And it was so simple. All you needed was one of us to say to you, and mean it "We trust you. You're still Willow, we believe in you". It would've been so easy to relieve your pain. And I failed to do it."

" Buffy, now stop, " Willow says, firmly, " It wasn't like you were skipping around going la – la – la. You were fighting what was probably the greatest threat you've ever faced. And trying to save a bunch of girls from certain death. And save all your friends from certain death. Not exactly like my problem was a priority."

" But that's exactly it, Will, " Buffy counters, " it was a priority. We never would've defeated the First without your powers. You never would've used your powers, but for what Kennedy gave you; your sense of self worth, your belief in yourself. And it should've been me, your best friend, that did that. Don't you see that? I failed you big time, and nearly got us all dead because of it."

" God, Buffy," Willow says, " Do you ever give yourself a break? With everything going on, how can you expect yourself to see everything, do everything?".

" Even IF I bought that excuse, Willow, that doesn't excuse why I didn't do it earlier, when you first got back, " Buffy says, " I should've seen it then, acted on it. But I was scared Will, because I didn't realize that you had that kind of power, and that you… had that kind of darkness in you. And yes, I was angry, because you nearly killed all of us, but more, angry with myself because I failed to see the darkness taking you. What you needed was acceptance, and love, and trust, and I failed you. I became remote, because I couldn't deal. I let you down then, and I continued to let you down."

" Buffy, stop!" Willow says, her anger rising, " I killed a human, I turned on my friends and attacked them, then, just for giggles, I nearly destroyed the world. I deserved a lot harsher treatment than I got. I should be in prison. But did I go?" Willow asks, not really waiting for a response, " No. Why? Because these friends of mine loved me enough to try to rehabilitate me. Not throw me away. I shoulda crawled back on my hands and knees asking for forgiveness, but you guys tried to just accept me. I know … it could've been better, all around. Including me. But it was a damned sight better than I deserved!"

" Yet, after putting you through hell, you treated me better than I deserved, " Buffy said, quietly.

" That was different, you had reasons…" Willow protested.

" But you didn't know that. You just told me how I hurt you, all of you… then what did you do? You forgave me, and gave me the help I needed. "

" Well, yeah, " Willow says, " that's what friends do, right."

" My point exactly. I didn't tell you, after you came back from England, that you scared me, hurt me. Instead, I shoved you away. Do you see the difference? Instead of confronting you, forgiving you, and giving you what you needed, I withdrew. I denied you what you needed most. How good a friend does that make me?"

Willow shakes her head. It's like arguing with a piece of steel.

"It wasn't until after we defeated the First, and Sunnydale was destroyed, that I finally took stock of my life, Willow." Buffy continues, " I reviewed my failures and successes, and thought about what really was important in my life. What meant the most to me."

" It was then I realized some things. First, that my friends and family WERE priorities, that now that I was finally free of being THE Slayer, I could concentrate on making them first priority. That there was nothing more important to me in this world, and that above all, I had to keep them safe, and do my best to insure their happiness."

" But, don't be getting all protective of me, because there was a strong selfishness in there too. I wanted to be happy, too. To have a life with someone I cared for, loved. But we know the history of my love life. Inevitably it crashes and burns. I had to figure out why, what I needed to do to make myself to really be ready to love, and be loved, " Buffy pauses, trying to frame her words carefully." What I discovered, Will, was that in all of it, I wasn't being honest with myself. I thought I really understood what our relationship was, what you meant to me, all of it."

" But not until I lost most everything I had in the world, did I realize what was most important to me," Buffy continues quietly.  
" I thought it was Spike. I really believed that I could love him. But he was a lot smarter than me. He told me straight out, the last time I saw him, the truth. I told him, as I watched him dying, that I love him. Do you know what he said to me?" Buffy asks Willow, waiting for her reply.

" You never told me this, Buffy, " Willow says.

"He said, " No you don't, but thank you for saying it". I was … upset, to say the least. How dare he think he knew my mind, my heart, better than I did?" Buffy grins ruefully, " but he did. He knew exactly that I didn't love him. I had affection for him, I grieved when he died. But I didn't love him, I couldn't love him."

Willow nearly stops breathing, waiting for Buffy to continue.

" Thing is, Willow. He died, and I survived it. It hurt, and I grieved losing him, " Buffy says." Not until I had time to really look at my life, did I realize that I didn't love him. Not that way. I could accept his death, and live on. No, there was only one person that, if I lost them that day, I think I would've stopped living," Buffy walks over to Willow, and crouches by her chair. " See, thing is, she'd always been there for me when I needed her, " Buffy says, " even when we fought, she and I, we knew that we'd find some way to get past it. Over the years we were together, I hadn't realized it, but my feelings for her changed. Deepened. Maybe that's why when she came back from England, I became remote. Because I realized that she hurt me so badly, scared me so badly, that I was afraid to get close again. I felt guilt because I didn't know her well enough to touch that place inside, that human place, to stop her from killing us all, " Buffy says, her voice distressed. " Most importantly, it wasn't until I was forced to think of my life, and how I was going to face the future, did I realize she was my heart, my breath, all the things that I needed to live. And I threw it away, because she loved someone else."

Willow sits silently, so nervous and upset her fingernails were digging into her palms. She didn't know what to say.

" So, realizing that once again, I failed to see what was right there in front of my eyes, until it was too late, I decided I had to leave, go somewhere else. Get far away so I could try to live without her, try to make a life for myself, " Buffy says, " so, on the pretext that my destiny was being a slayer, I moved to Cleveland."

" Buffy," Willow says softly.

" Shhh, Will. I was a fool, I know, " Buffy says, regretfully, " but you really loved Kennedy, and I wanted you to be happy. I … I was afraid I'd screw things up if I stayed, so better I was far away." Buffy gets up, afraid of what she's feeling… or being too close to Willow, " When you broke up, I should've come to you, as a friend. Problem was, there was a major conflict in my feelings. I didn't trust myself, Will. I was afraid I'd take advantage of you, when you were so vulnerable. So, I stayed away."

Moron Willow sighs to herself, you total moron, Buffy.

" Then I met Jim. You know I feel in love with him because he reminded me so much of you. Not only in looks, though that didn't hurt. But also because he had that same sweetness, that same… I saw a lot of you in him, Will. I really loved him, Will, and I was ready to make a life with him. I couldn't have you, Will. That's what I believed, so I took the next best thing."

"After I lost him, Willow, I just ceased caring about myself anymore. I only … the only thing I wanted was to have my baby, protect her, keep her safe, " Buffy says, " Joy was the only thing I had left, I felt. God, please don't look at me like that, Will. I couldn't involve you , any of you, but especially YOU. Do you think I could've lived if something happened to you, too? I had to disappear, Willow. I had to keep you out of it, all of you. I couldn't, wouldn't endanger you."

" But there was a price. I no longer wanted to be Buffy Summers, " Buffy said, " Without you, without my family, friends, there was nothing left for Buffy Summers. I became Elizabeth Price, and tried to forget my old life. Tried to make my life keeping my baby safe, and keeping ahead of the assholes that wanted to hurt me and her. I wanted Buffy to die, once and for all."

" But it didn't work, " Buffy says, " because I couldn't let you go. I tried, really tried to put you out of my mind. I destroyed any pictures or mementos I had of us. I tried to erase you and couldn't. A lot of nights, long , lonely nights when I was so tired of being scared, so tired of running, so tired, that I just wanted to die… it was you that kept me alive. Thinking of you, knowing you were out there somewhere, hopefully happy, gave me the hope to carry on, the courage to make it to the next day. Even though I never expected to see you again, still you saved me."

"When I saw you come into that café I worked at, I panicked. I tried my best to hide from you. " Buffy admits, " because I didn't want you to see what I'd become. I wanted you to keep thinking I was dead. I wanted you to remember me as I was. Not what I'd become. Then, something stepped in, and caused me to run into you. If not for that little encounter, we might have passed each other, never talking to each other again. I guess that wasn't the way things were supposed to be."

" I don't know what to say, Buffy," Willow says, trying to sort out the confusing emotions playing hell with her, " What do you want me to say?"

Buffy looks at her, sadly," I really don't need for you to say anything, Will. I don't expect you to feel the same way. I got that in New Orleans. But the thing we always had, Will, was we could tell each other what we felt. Or, at least I thought we could," Buffy leans against her chair, looking over at Willow," Maybe that's changed. We've been apart so long, maybe we can't tell each other everything anymore," Buffy sighs, and then sits, " I know that since I've been here, there's been a… separation between us, a wall of some kind. I can feel it, can't you?" She asks.

"Yes," Willow answers, " I can feel it too".

Buffy nods, " I thought so. I know you have things you feel you can't tell me. I … I've been holding this in, because I've been afraid to bring it up, after what happened in New Orleans. I guess I didn't want to face that maybe you didn't feel like I feel. It's been making it rough on you and me, and even Joy senses something's wrong. She asked me if I'm mad at you, and I have to assure her no, I'm not mad at you. Then she asks if you're mad at me, and I tell her that no, you're not mad at me. Then she asks why're we acting so funny? I don't have an answer. Isn't it great that sometimes kids can just cut right through it?" Buffy shakes her head in wonder.

" Maybe they don't have all the bs to wade through that we have, " Willow says, ruefully.

" So that's the deal, Will. I know… what I'm feeling is real. I … I've tried to tell myself that it's not real, that after all this time it's not the same, I can't feel this way, " Buffy says, "but I can't explain why I feel the way I feel around you. I'm like happy and sad at the same time. I'm nervous, and buzzed. When you're in the room my whole focus seems to be on you. I can't think straight. I make little excuses to get away from you, so I can breathe again, then I make other excuses to be with you, cuz I feel lost when you're not around. I can't concentrate on things, my mind keeps drifting back to you. I think about things I shouldn't think about…" Buffy says, but Willow cuts her off.

" Buffy, don't… please" Willow says, rising, " Don't say anything more."

"Yeah, you're right, " Buffy says, putting up her defenses, "It's kinda dumb to go on about it. Just that, I know I'm uncomfortable, and I know I'm making you uncomfortable. It's all different now, I gotta get that through my thick skull. But that's why I can't stay , Will. Being around you, feeling this way, just …." But Buffy doesn't get a chance to finish.

Willow is kneeling by Buffy's chair, and she takes Buffy's face in her hands. Amusement seems to be fighting bemusement in her expression, as she tries to keep a straight face.

" Buffy, why do we have to keep torturing ourselves like this?" Willow asks, a small grin breaking her otherwise serious demeanor," Yeah, we're different alright, but it sure hasn't made us any smarter," She says, ruefully.

"Huh?" is all Buffy can manage, as having Will hold her face is rather confusing her, on so many levels.

Willow can't help smiling, " Buffy, you dolt. I have feelings for you too… hell, I've had them major league for a long time. Why do you think I kinda went to pieces when you went missing? Why do you think I spent a year looking for you? Why do you think I never gave up hope, no matter how dim, that you'd come back, alive? Even though my brain said no way? You think I'm alone cuz I gotta be?" Willow asks, mock insulted, " Hey, I'm still pretty hot, ya know." She'll get no argument from Buffy on that point, " Think maybe I was still hoping against hope, against all reasonable odds, that you and me could be something? Maybe, when I was looking( I'm faithful, not a nun, honey), I couldn't find anyone who could come close to you? Think that might be a reason?" Willow looks at Buffy, her eyes bright and amused, and her smile firmly in place.

"Ummm… Ummm…" Buffy says, totally confused now, and loving it. So loving the way Willow's thumbs are caressing her cheeks. So loving Willow smiling at her. So just… loving it.

" That's my Buffy. Sweet girl, not too bright" Willow mocks lightly.

" Hey!" Buffy says, indignant." I'm not a dummy."

" No, you're not. So I'd really appreciate if you'd stop acting like one!" Willow says, gently chiding her.

" Is this how you sweet talk you're dates?" Buffy says, rising to the occasion, " You should work for Dr. Phil".

" I wouldn't bother with my 'dates', as you say, " Willow says, " I talk like this to the people I care about. Like you."

" Oh, " Buffy says, her lips forming a definitely kissable "O". Doing cute things while I'm making a point is so not fair, Willow thinks

" Buffy, honey," Willow says, her voice softening, " When… well, when you …ok, admit it, you came on to me… I wasn't ready, baby. The hurt was still to fresh, the wounds still too raw. What you did really hurt, though I know you were just trying to protect me, all of us. It still hurt. Do you think I like that you were out there , all alone, feeling like there was no one you could turn to? When I realized you were alive, the first thing that went through me was incredible joy… then the hurt slammed into me because I felt deserted. That you didn't give a damn about us. That really hurt, and I tried to hurt you back. When I found out why, I was relieved… and hurt again. Why? Because you thought we were so weak, so useless, that we couldn't help you. It was like back in high school. You go out and fight the monsters, and Willow looks up stuff on the 'Net. Ok, back then really not into swinging swords. But hey, Buff, if ya haven't noticed, I've changed. For a long time, been changed." Willow lets go of Buffy's face, knowing she has her attention. Buffy whimpers a little, hating the break in contact. Willow takes her hands instead.

" What you gotta remember, sweetie," Willow says, gently, " is that when people care about each other, they help each other. That doesn't just mean that " Buffy protects Willow", though, don't get me wrong, I love it. It also means that " Willow protects Buffy". I need that Buffy. I really do. I need to know that when you're hurting, you'll come to me, depend on me to make the boo-boo better. It can't just be a one way street honey."

Buffy's lip starts to quiver, and tears start to brim in her eyes, " Will … I'm so sorry, I never meant to make you feel useless, ever!" Buffy lets a little sob out.

" Stop that, Buffy, or we'll both be bawling soon" Willow says, wiping away her tears, " I don't want you to cry, or be sad. I know you didn't mean it, I'm just telling you what I felt." Willow pauses, catching her breath, which seems to be a little short, " Buffy, I do care about you. Loads. I … want us to have something, something more. Something special, " Willow says," I… need more, though, Buffy."

" I don't understand?" Buffy says, confused.

Willow looks down, then looks up a Buffy, shyly. " A girl likes to be wooed, Buffy," She says softly. Her eyes sparkle in the light. Her lips are so teasingly tempting. She stands up, and moves away a little. " A girl likes to be chased a little. Let's her know she's important," Willow smiles at her , and turns… starting to walk out of the room. She pauses at the doorway, and looks back over her shoulder at Buffy. A small, seductive smile is on her lips. " So, woo me Buffy, " Willow says, her voice low, throaty, " Chase me a little. Make me feel important"

She touches her fingers to her lips, and blows a kiss to Buffy.

She leaves Buffy sitting there, imagining the possibilities.

* * *

To be continued?


	6. Part 6

Encounter

By Norwalker

Part 6 of

Summary: A little tale of Buffy and Willow post "Chosen" (like about 10 years after). Really don't like writing too much about the story in the summary, but it's been a long time since the old best friends have seen each other. What happens? Read on.

Rating: R probably for language, adult themes, and some sex stuff.

Category: It's Willow and Buffy… you gotta ask? Ok, Angst/Romance/Drama.

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own the characters. I get nothing from this except the pure satisfaction of telling a story. Don't blame them if the story sucks.

Warning: Adult themes, suggested violence, sexual situations. Lovemaking between members of the same gender. Not for children… if you're ten, you really shouldn't be reading this!

Author's note: Ok, I think I've tortured the two enough. Some of the stuff below is gonna stretch credibility a bit, but hey…lets have some fun, ok? I wanna see them together in the worst way! Forgive the extra long length, but the author got a bit carried away….

* * *

Willow is in total panic mode.

She's up in her room, after just leaving Buffy downstairs to contemplate the mysteries of Willowosity. The problem is, at least from Willow's perspective, is that she doesn't understand WHY she just did that.

_What the hell am I doing?_ Willow scolds herself, pacing around her room. _I've so blown this! What's with the "hard to get" act, Will? God, like that's so gonna drive her away! What do I think? This is high school? We gotta play games or something? _"Chase me Buffy, Woo me Buffy. Make me feel important, Buffy!"_ Am I going totally insane? What makes me even think she's gonna give a rat's patootie. Ok, she said she had feelings for me, big deal. That means she gonna go around like some lovesick puppy and sit up and beg? Not that begging would be bad. Buffy begging, and panting … and oh… WILLOW,STOP! Get a grip. Buffy's not gonna beg. She's not gonna woo. She's probably gonna just write me off, and then go find someone else. And I want that? ARE YOU NUTS? I get her delivered into my lap, she's obviously changed in her feelings towards me, wants ME, and what do I do? Throw her out of my lap and say " Not good enough, skywrite it for me now, ok?". Dumb, dumb, dummy! Maybe if I go back downstairs, plead temporary insanity, we can get to the smoochies. We can get to hugging and yummy parts!_

_But is that what I really want? I mean, ok, I'm not a little Jewish nun, here. I want smoochies, lots and lots of smoochies, followed by hugs and petting and lots of yummies. But is that really all I want? Don't think so! I want Buffy, but I want her to be more than a one-nighter. I want her to be an every-nighter. I love her so much, I get butterflies in my tummy when I think about her for too long, my heart gets all achy and pitty-patty and it gets really hard to breathe. God, you'd think I was still 16, the way she makes me feel. But it's a good feel, too. And I don't want it to be ruined by hopping in bed with her, and then finding that she only wanted me because she was lonely. God, I'd die if after we touched, she decided that there wasn't anymore to it. As it is , it's tough to take. But at least if we don't get all hot and sweaty, I can deal. Sorta. But if I give her everything now, before I really know how she feels, and It goes blewy, I think I'd just die._

_So, I gotta know. She's gotta prove to me that she really wants me. Not just for now, but forever. That I'm the one she really loves, really wants. For her sake, too! I mean, if we do it, and it's… wrong, don't you think she's gonna be weirded, too? And… what'll it mean to our friendship? God, no matter what, I don't want to lose that! NOT AGAIN!!! No, gotta be tough girl here. Gotta make her earn it. It'll be good for both of us. I gotta hang in there, not get all melty when she looks at me with those sweet hazel eyes. Not get all tingly when she touches me. Not get all nervy when she looks at me. Shoot this is so gonna be tough. I'm ready right now to strip naked and call out " Take me Buffy". How'm I gonna act cool when she starts putting on the press? When she gives me that lost puppy look she's so damned good at? Why the heck am I made of marshmallow, and not steel?_

_Why can't they make it easy? Why does love, being in love, gotta suck so much?_

Willow lies on the bed, half pouting, and half sighing. Knowing it's gonna be another lonely night. And it's probably gonna be that way for awhile.

_You so better get that cute lil butt of yours in gear, Buffy, _Willow thinks, _I'm not waiting forever, you know. I'm giving you one, two years tops. Got it?_

_God Will. You're too easy!  
_

* * *

_  
_

"What have I gotten myself into?" Buffy mutters out loud as she climbs the stairs to her room. She reaches the top of the stairs, and makes a left, passing her own room to look in on Joy. The young girl is sleeping, clutching her favorite( _at least, this week_) stuffed toy. A smile tugs at her lips; she remembers how long she slept with Mr. Gordo clutched under her arm. She walks in, and adjusts the little girls covers. She leans over, and softly kisses her forehead. She pads quietly out of the room, not to wake her.

In her own room, she sits on the bed, not bothering to undress. She just stares out the window, lost in thought.

She has to admit it to herself: She's at a loss here.

Buffy's a slayer. Her 'natural' instincts make her a hunter. But in the romance department, it's different. She's the one pursued, not the pursuer. She's the woo-ee, not the woo-er. Now, in the blink of an eye( or the throwing of a kiss ), she finds the tables turned on her. Suddenly she has to be the one chasing after the elusive, wily Willow, and she's at a loss of what exactly to do. She feels dumb; Clem the slack-jawed yokel has nothing on her at the moment. _C'mon, Buff. This is like slaying. Find the target, pursue the target, slay the target? No…that's not right… but it's gotta be the same idea. She wants you to chase her, catch her. Make her feel important and sexy and wanted. Kinda I guess like the nymph, being followed by that goat legged guy…what is that? Satyr…right… ummm… dunno 'bout _that_ image though. Hairy legs? Ewww… growing horns? Ewww… Ewww. _Buffy shudders.

Buffy sighs._ So I guess it's like, dating and flowers and stuff. But… isn't dating about getting to know someone? Aren't we kinda past that? I mean we've been friends forever. Best friends, right? So, what's more to know? Duh! Like, you've been out of touch what? 10 years, girl? Don't you think she's changed, just a little. I mean, look around. Obviously not only is she like, super smart. She's so … business gal too. Who're her friends now? Does she still like old movies? Somehow I can't see her tossing popcorn at the screen anymore( God, I know I can't… Joy would so bust me for it, after I get after her to be neater!). She still has her own language that sometimes defies the laws of English. I know she liked puppies… used to, anyway. But when she and Tara were together, they had a kitty. Maybe she likes cats better now? Does drinking coffee still make her a little goofy? What kinda music does she like now? Face it, Buffy. There's lots you don't know about her now. She's changed, you've changed. Maybe…_

_No… don't want to think that. I really can't believe that after all our years together, we've grown too far apart for us to be an _**us **._ I know we gotta still have some common ground. Sure, we change, but the core person, the stuff that makes us …well, us, that doesn't change, does it? What we believe, that stays pretty much the same. The important stuff I'm thinking, that's gonna be the same._

Buffy gets up and paces a little. She knows she getting close, but there's more._ 'k , I'm starting to get it a little, I think. I need to learn more about who she is now. See if we still fit somewhat that way. Also, I need to make her feel important. As if she's not, but she has to know I feel that way. But how'm I gonna do that? how do I let her know that she's the one, the only one? I mean, I kinda dropped anvils… but I'm thinking she's thinking that's only about sex and comfort. She wants proof of more. How do I do that?_ Buffy makes a whimpering impatient noise._ This is senseless… it has no sense! Why can't it be easy? Like when you were a kid. And a boy, if he liked you, came up and punched you on the arm… then ran back to his friends Then you knew. Easy._

_Well, Buffy, you did this to yourself, you know, don't you? Huh? Maybe, all those years ago, if you hadn't run away, if you'd turned to your friends, and especially Willow, for help, she wouldn't have these doubts now._ Buffy sits on her bed, starting to undress, almost not realizing what she's doing. She's finally gotten to a kernel of truth, and it's dominating her thoughts._ She thinks that you don't need her. That when the chips are down, you won't turn to her with your problems. You'll run away again, leaving her alone and worried … like you did before._ Buffy slips into her bed, pulling the covers up to her chin. Not because she's cold, but because she wants to hide. _How do I do that? How do I get her to trust me again?_ Buffy sighs miserably, feeling discouraged._ Moron. I'm such a total moron. I can't do that. I can't make her trust me. I've totally blown it big time. Stupid. I'm so stupid._

_But, I gotta try. I gotta try. I've got no choice, I gotta try._

Buffy lies in her bed, trying to sleep. But sleep doesn't come.

Her mind just plays the same phrase over and over again.

"Gotta try"

* * *

Willow loves Saturday mornings. She can sleep late, waiting for the sun rather than the alarm to wake her. Even though she's more than half awake, she keeps her eyes closed, enjoying this time in the morning when there's no rush to wake up. She stretches under the covers, enjoying the feeling of laziness. Sighing contentedly, she rolls over.

Her hand brushes against something unexpected, and she opens her eyes. On the pillow next to where she's lying, there is the most beautiful red rose. It's a hothouse long stemmed rose, no thorns. Tied around its stem is a red ribbon with a note attached. Smiling, she picks up the rose, and opens the note.

**_My darling Willow,_**

****

**_This rose symbolizes my love for you. Mature, in bloom, with no thorns. The petals are soft, like your lips. They're smooth, but not as smooth as your skin. They're red, like the fire burning in my heart. I pray you grant me but two wishes, my delightful one. That you accept this small gift of my love and affection, and that you'll join me for romantic dinner next Saturday night. If you say yes, my heart will beat for another day, my love will last forever._**

****

**_I breathlessly await your answer_**

****

**_Yours always,_**

****

**_Buffy_**

****

**_(Sealed with a kiss)_**

****

Willow brings the rose to her nose, her lips bowed in a soft smile. Her cheeks are nearly as red as the rose itself. She sighs quietly, and a tiny little thrill rushes through her._ Oh, my. Oh my, oh my._ Willow giggles to herself. She catches a scent that is not the rose, and brings the note to her nose. She inhales the soft perfume sprinkled on the paper; it's Buffy's scent. Sitting up, she reads the note over and over, each time feeling her heart go pitty pat in her chest. She brings the note to her lips, touching Buffy's lip mark with her own. She can almost taste Buffy's sweet lips, and she's feeling things she hasn't felt for a long, long time. She brushes the rose against her cheek, pretending it's Buffy's lips pressing against her. _Oh my goddess, you little vixen. Already you've got me in your spell. Who's the witch here, anyway? Hmmm… just enough naughty, just enough nice._

Willow jumps out of bed, and looks around her room. She finally finds a box of stationery, and taking one of the lavender sheets, she writes three words on it. Walking over to her dresser/vanity, she picks up a tube of lipstick, and applies it to her lips. She brings the stationery to her lips, applying a kiss to the paper. Folding it carefully, she opens the door to her room, and walks into the hall. Seeing the hall empty, she quickly moves to Buffy's room. Seeing the door closed, she slips the note underneath the door. Giggling to herself like a schoolgirl, she runs back to her own room, and dives into her bed. Picking up her rose, she clutches it to her chest. Sighing happily, she smells the soft sweet scent of the rose, and the subtle hint of Buffy's perfume. Feeling warm, and ah so loved, she drifts quietly into a gentle sleep.

Buffy, still tired from a long almost sleepless night, hears the note being shoved under her door. Lying there, she feels tremors of fear and thrills of anticipation. Curiosity is nagging at her to go get the note, fear is holding her bound to the bed._ Yes or no? Yes or no?_ She's almost afraid to know. Finally curiosity wins, and she slips out of bed, grabbing the folded sheet of stationery. She quietly returns to the bed, holding the letter in her hand. Waiting. Her heart beating frantically in her chest, her anxiety building. Her fingers nervously slide around the edge of the fold, picking at it, but not pulling on it. _Oh, c'mon, Buffy. You've faced all sorts of monsters in your life. Don't tell me a little red-headed witch is gonna make you lose it! Yeah, well… none of them meant what this means, either! Well, then, stop acting like a kid, and open it! Geeze ok, ok, doing it! _She opens the letter.

Three words appear on the page

YES

**_YES_**

**_YES_**

Ok, one word, three times. But Buffy feels her heart even out, her breathing return to somewhat normal, and she feels… giddy. She sees the kiss Willow put on the paper, and she brings it to her lips, almost tasting Willow's soft lips. She falls back in her bed, sighing happily, and for the first time that night/near morning, she feels herself drift into a peaceful sleep. She knows she has lots to do today, and Joy will be up in a couple of hours. But for now, she can just lay back and enjoy the sleep….

* * *

You would've thought it was high school, all over again. At least watching the way a certain blonde slayer and red-headed witch were acting.

They set the 'date' for the following Saturday, giving them each a week to prepare. And being rational, reasonable adults, they kept it all in perspective, acting with mature calm as the day approached.

Uh-huh.

Buffy tore through her entire wardrobe( Still prodigious, even if she wasn't the clothes horse she once was) and declared she had ' absolutely nothing to wear'! Taking Joy firmly in hand, she hit the malls. Going from store to store, they searched for 'the perfect dress'. Joy was having a ball, because she got to help her mom pick out the dress. Buffy would retreat to the dressing room, and do a fashion parade for her. Joy sat straight in her chair, as Buffy would come out in a dress, posing with a hopeful look on her face. No. Shake of the head. Thumbs down. An expression that said ' you're kidding, right?'. Sometimes she'd give a thumbs up, but Buffy would check herself out and just go " No!" " No Way" " Hi, I'm selling bibles" " Hi, looking for a date, mister?" When they both agreed on a dress, Buffy took a look at the price tag, and blanched.

" But mom, you look great in that!" Joy said, when Buffy started to return a cream colored three quarter length back to the rack.

" I know honey, " Buffy said wistfully, " But even if we didn't eat for a month, moved into a cardboard box, and I took out a bank loan, I still couldn't swing it" Buffy looked at the dress, sighed, and returned it to the rack.

" But I got money, mom!" Joy said. She pulled out her purse, dug around a little, and pulled out some bills. About 10 dollars. Buffy smiled, and hugged her little girl close.

" You hold onto that honey. We'll find something, just gonna have to get a little more creative" And she did. She left the malls, and started hitting the smaller retailers in the little out of the way stores that dot San Francisco. They lowered their sights a few notches, and went to the less trendy, more… discount stores. Pretty much the same results, except no 'winner', at any price. Buffy was getting a little desperate. Ok, a lot desperate. What she could afford on her budget … well, awful was a kind word for it. And the dresses that she really liked? Just no way she could afford it. She was about to give up, try to make something she already had at home work. She and Joy were walking to her car when they passed a tiny little shop, and in the window was " THE DRESS!!!"

It was an iridescent pearl gray knee length dress. It had a sleeveless bodice with thin straps which crossed over on the back, giving it a low scooped back look. It was accessorized with a matching shawl, thin silver rope belt, and silver clutch, and high heeled silver gray sandals. Mother and daughter just stood outside the window, and stared.

"It's beautiful" Joys said, finally.

" Uh-huh," her mother agreed, then came back to reality, " And we so can't afford it!"

"How do you know that? " Joy asked, " We haven't even been inside!"

"Joy, sweetie, " Buffy says, " Anything that pretty is … priceless. Trust me, we can't afford it."

"Aw, mom!" Joy said, " You won't know 'til you ask!"

" Joy, we can't afford it, " Buffy replied, but still has a hard time taking her eyes off the dress. She turned to her daughter and said, " Let's go home…." But she saw her daughter entering the shop. " Joy! Joy! Joyce Marie Price… you get your …" but Joy was already in the shop. Sighing in exasperation, she follows her in.

Maggie James, owner/ proprietor of the shop, looked down over her glasses at what must be the cutest little girl she'd seen in awhile.

"Hi, honey, can I help you?" She said, putting down her paper and smiling.

" My mom likes _that _dress," Joy replied, pointing to the dress in the window.

Buffy, looking more than a little flustered, runs up and takes Joy by the hand.

" Joyce Marie? Didn't you hear me calling you?" Buffy scolded.

Joy, feeling a little scared, nonetheless sets her jaw.

" You wouldn't have come in if I didn't" She said, firmly.

_God, she looks so much like Willow when she does that!_ Buffy thought, then, straining not to smile, took Joy's hand.

"Let's go home, Joy, " Buffy said. She then addresses Maggie, " I'm sorry, I don't know what got into her". She frowns down at her daughter.

" It's ok," Maggie chuckled, " She certainly is a cutie".

" Well, Ms. Cutie is going to find a time out waiting for her at home," Buffy said. But she knew she probably wouldn't punish Joy too much.

" She said you liked the dress in the window?" Maggie asked." It probably would look great on you," She continued, giving Buffy the once over.

"It really is pretty, " Buffy said, wistfully, " but I so can't afford that!"

"How do you know?" Maggie countered, " You haven't even asked the price."

Buffy, looking embarrassed, replied, " I just know." She turns to Joy, and takes her hand, " C'mon, munchkin. Time to go home." She looked at Maggie again, " Sorry we bothered you. Thanks for being so nice to Joy." She turned to leave.

"Wait a minute!" Maggie said, " I've had that dress in the window for months. People love it, but no one ever tries it on. I'd really like to see it on a living, breathing human being." She sizes up Buffy again, " it looks to be your size… would you try it on for me?"

" I couldn't!" Buffy said, feeling totally embarrassed. She knew if she tried it on, she'll fall in love with it. Better not to.

"C'mon, mom, do it! Please?" Joy whined.

_Aw, what's it gonna hurt to try it on, huh?_

"Ok, ok, " Buffy said, sounding reluctant. But she really wants, just for a second, to see what she looks like in it.

Maggie fetches the dress, and Buffy retires to the tiny dressing room in the back of the shop. She tries on the dress. _It's a perfect fit!_ She thinks, and then looks at herself in the mirror. _God, it's gorgeous!_ She twirls around checking herself out from all sides. _Perfect, just perfect_ She sighs. She knows she can't afford it, but it's so pretty. _Let's get this over with. Sooner I get it off, the better!_ Pulling back the curtain, she walks to the front of the shop.

" Wow!" is all Joy said, seeing her mom in the dress, " Wow!"

" It's like it was made for you, " Maggie agreed with Joy's assessment.

" It's gorgeous, isn't it?" Buffy gushed. Then reality returned, " Well, thanks for letting me try it on."

" So, what's it for?" Maggie asked, " I mean, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Kinda special date, you know?" Buffy smiled, already liking this woman.

" Serious?" Maggie inquired.

" Oh, yeah, " Buffy said, then blushed, " hopin' so, anyway"

Maggie gazed at her with a knowing smile. Buffy blushed deeper, and Maggie just chuckled a little.

" That dress is perfect on you," Maggie said. " You know what bothers me? I can't sell that dress to anyone. Either it's the wrong size, or they think they can't afford it… just like you." Maggie looked at Buffy , weighing it over . "Look, I really need to get rid of that dress. I mean, I really want to clear the space in the window for something I can sell. And you've got to admit, it's perfect on you!"

" I know, but I can't afford it, " Buffy said, a little sadly.

" You still haven't asked the price, have you?" Maggie asked, " So, how do you know?"

Buffy sighs, " Ok, what's the price?" She asked, bracing herself for mega sticker shock.

Maggie walked over, and quietly whispered a figure to her. Buffy looked at her as if she's gone mad.

" Get out! There's no way!" Buffy said.

" You in the trade?" Maggie said, gently mocking her.

" No… but I've bought enough dresses to know that there's no way you can sell this at that price!"

" Look… I've been stuck with that dress for months. I can't sell the silly thing, and I've already lost money on it, " Maggie says, " Believe me, I can afford to sell it at that price. I get a lot of the tony trade in here. They pay a premium. So, when I get a non seller like that one, I don't mind losing on it, " Maggie paused, " Ok, I mind, but better than having to give it away, you know? At least this way I get back part of my costs". She looked Buffy over again, " And you did say this was for a special occasion, right?".

" Yeah, " Buffy said. Despite herself, her voice got a hopeful note in it.

"So, you wanna help me out here, and stop telling me my business?" Maggie chided her gently.

Buffy looked at the dress. _It's just so beautiful!_ She looked at Joy, who's nodding eagerly, then back at Maggie, who'd crossed her arms, with an expression of " Make up your mind, ok?".

"Sold" Buffy says, not believing her luck. Impulsively, she hugs Maggie.

Maggie, looking surprised, gently pats her on the back. And then gently disengages her.

" Ok, princess, enough!" She chuckles, " Better go change before you wrinkle it."

Buffy, as eager as a schoolgirl, rushed back to the changing room. A few minutes later she reemerged, carrying the dress on a hanger.

Maggie, all business now, sold her the accessories to go with the dress, but insisted the shawl is part of the original dress. Buffy's still a little in shock, but happily so. She handed Maggie her credit card, and stood there, looking dazed. After the sale was completed, and Buffy gushed thanks about 10 times more, She and Joy left the shop.

Maggie watched them go, and then walked over to the telephone. She dialed a number, and waited.

" Hello, this is Maggie James calling for Willow Rosenberg, " Maggie said into the phone, " Yes, I'll wait." She waited for a minute or two, then continued, " Hi, Willow, yeah, it' s me, Maggie. Yeah… she came in, just like you said. How'd you manage that?… Oh… the little girl… Joy? Right! She is a charmer. You got her in on it…. You sly cat!… oh…yeah, she loved it. Goddess, she nearly died when I suggested she try it on, so I could see it on a " living breathing human being"." Maggie laughed. " Well…so, is she the one then? C'mon, Willow, don't be playing coy with me. I don't care how much money you're making, you don't go buying every girl a thousand dollar dress just for giggles… yeah, she was a little suspicious, but I came up with a pretty good story to cover. No…she doesn't have a clue you're involved. Yes, I'm sure. I didn't mention you at all! Geeze, what do you take me for?… Oh, yeah…she was gorgeous in it, trust me. If I weren't in a committed relationship, I might date her myself… Uh-huh … yeah… yeah, I think she's serious. She got all blushy when I asked what it was for…and she said she wanted it to be serious… oh yeah… you know you owe me big time for this, Willow. Yeah, well, I'm saying I want you to teach me that spell I've been bugging you about. No more excuses, ok?" Maggie laughs, " I promise, I'll only use it for good. I swear you take the fun out of everything!" She listens for a second," no… I'm only kidding. Yeah…so, see you in Wicca group next Wednesday? Good… yeah… ok, honey, take care. Blessed be". Maggie hung up the phone.

That Willow. What a sweetie. I hope this one works out for her. She's been alone way too long now.

Maggie, feeling like the matchmaker, returned to her counter, and her paper.

* * *

Late Friday afternoon, Jana Gray slips into Willow Rosenberg's office.

Willow, on the phone, waves her into a chair. Jana sits, quietly waiting for Willow to finish her call. As she waits, she looks around her boss's office, and for the first time notices something odd. Its neat and efficient, decorated modestly but stylishly, very modern and high tech. The furniture is… well, useful, but doesn't really scream comfort. But what she finds odd is that nothing in the office really says "Willow". The art on the wall, very nice, very trendy, but very sterile. It reflects no one's taste in particular… except perhaps the decorator's. The office has all the necessities of a modern office: computers(well, duh), printers, phones, and the usual office supplies. But there's no odd notes stuck here and there, no knick knacks, gauche or tasteful, anywhere. No pictures on the desk, no " Kiss me, I'm a geek" coffee mugs. In short, the office looks as if no one in particular uses it; rather, anyone one could be occupying it. It's all very professional, and in a way, very sad.

Jana wonders why, in all the years she's worked with Willow, she's never noticed it before. It's not like she's never been in here, just that in all that time, she's never come in here except really for a purpose. Then her full attention is focused on Willow, and she's never really let herself absorb the space around here. If she didn't know Willow as well as she does, she would think the person in this office was driven, efficient and cold. But you can say a lot about Willow( and Jana has, to her face), but cold is not an adjective you could fit to her. She takes a keen interest in her employees, and not just their work. She's interested in them; in their lives, their families, and the whole nine yards. She can't count how many times Willow, on learning someone is having financial difficulties, has taken money from her own funds to help them out. Or has lent an ear, or shoulder, to someone hurting. Or a thousand other little kindnesses she's done over the years. All the books say she spoils her employees, she should distance herself from their personal lives, but she can't do that. She thinks of them as family.

That's why Jana is here. It's not about the business, but Willow herself. Something is bugging her, and Jana can't get to the bottom of it. It's not as if she's changed towards anyone, it's more as if she's distracted. Her focus just isn't in the business like it's always been. She's not slacking or anything. She does her job as she always has. But her heart doesn't seem to be in it anymore. It all started in New Orleans, with that Buffy Summers woman. That night when she found Willow crying her heart out on the floor, Jana had been shocked. She'd never seen Willow react to anyone or anything like that before. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that Willow cared deeply for that woman, and was hurt terribly. Even after Willow explained it all, it puzzled her, but she kept quiet. When she brought the woman and her child back from New Orleans with her, Jana had expected something to happen between them. But nothing did. That was even MORE puzzling.

And now, thing seem to be getting worse. Lately, Willow has been delegating decisions she used to reserve for herself. She still meets with clients initially, and does her bit to sell the services, but she no longer seems to have interest in the accounts beyond that initial stage. Her interest in the business as a whole seems to have waned. Even planning doesn't seem to interest her; she's offloaded most of that to Jana. Not that Jana minds, but it… it's creepy. It's so not like Willow.

" Jana? Was there something you wanted?" Willow asks, intruding on Jana's thoughts, " Or did you just want to sit there and let me ogle you for awhile?" Willow teases her.

"Puh-lease!" Jana retorts, her wit reasserting itself, " Like you don't ogle me enough already, you lech"

" Nice way to talk to your boss!" Willow, getting into the game, pretends hurt, " After all I've done for you, you won't let me drool a little?"

" That sexual harassment, you know" Jana says lightly, " Gee… I'd love owning the company. Go ahead, keep it up!"

" Bite me!' Willow retorts, the giggles.

" In your dreams, girl!" Jana replies.

" In my nightmares, you mean!" Willow ripostes, then turns half-serious, " Ok, now, I know you too well. What're you in here to scold me about THIS time?"

Jana takes a second to look at Willow straight on, then she asks, " Are you ok? I mean, is everything ok in your life?"

Willow looks at Jana as if she's a newly discovered species. " Ok, who ARE you, and what've you done with Jana?" she jokes, fending off the question. But something in Jana's expression tells Willow she's serious, and it kinda wigs her. Jana, as caring den mother? She shudders internally.

" I mean it, Willow, " Jana says, as if confirming Willow's suspicions, " Is everything ok?"

"Well… yeah, " Willow says, lightly, " I mean, what shouldn't be alright?"

Jana scrutinizes her. _Something's not right, something just doesn't fit_, she thinks to herself. _She's out and out lying to me!_

" You're lying to me, " Jana declares, " You're good at a lot of things, but honey? Lying aint one of them!"

" You're so wrong, it's hardly funny, " Willow says, " I mean, c'mon, what reason would I have to lie to you? Are you my mommy, and I did a naughty or something? Geeze, Jana, get real here!" Willow says, feeling a little irritation rising, " Who do you think you are? Comin' in here, pretending to be all concerned, then telling me I'm a liar?"

" I'm not _pretending_ to care!" Jana says, stung by Willow's comment, but holding her temper, " I do care Willow. Something's bothering you, eating at you, and it's been going on for awhile now. But lately, it's been getting worse. So, yeah, I want to know what's bothering you!".

" Ummm. As I remember, you're not boss of me, " Willow says, defensively, " matter of fact, I'm boss of you. So, I'm telling you in no uncertain words, nothings wrong. So let it go!"

" Yeah, you're my boss, " Jana says, " but you're also my friend. And I don't like to see my friend hurting. So, get a clue, Willow. I'm not letting it go, and I'm not leaving 'til you tell me what's up!"

"Nothing's 'up', Jana, " Willow says, using a dismissive tone, " So if you don't mind, I've got a lot to do…"

" I do mind, Willow, " Jana says, firmly, " I mind a lot that you don't come to me with your problem, but rather try to tell me I'm nuts, and that nothing's wrong, when it's obvious something IS wrong! I don't like you doing that!"

" Well, gee. Sometimes you gotta do things you don't like. Life sucks, right?" Willow says, her tone edging towards sarcastic, " Bye now. Don't forget to write, 'K?"

" Not going anywhere, " Jana says firmly. She sits.

" You so are going, " Willow insists, standing up. " Get out, please!"

" Nope," Jana refuses, stubbornly.

" Ok," Willow says, getting red faced," You're fired"

"I'm what?" Jana says, disbelieving

" Fired. Terminated. Payday the last" Willow says." Get out!"

" You can't do that!" Jana says, " What's the cause?"

" Insubordination, " Willow says," Nice knowin' ya. Don't let the door hit ya on the ass on you're way out."

" What the HELL is wrong with you?" Jana says, now getting angry too," If you were in your right mind, you'd never do this!"

" Probably just getting into my right mind, " Willow says, "probably should've done this a long time ago".

" For what?" Jana says

"For being a nosy, pushy bitch!" Willow growls." Now get the hell outta my office!"

" Fine!" Jana, thoroughly mad, starts for the door. Stops. Turns around and sneers." Hey, you fired me. You can't do squat to me now. Aint goin' nowhere!"

" I'll have you thrown out!" Willow threatens.

" Try it!" Jana says, arms folded, " Just try it!"

Willow backs off. She's just fired the best employee she's ever had, and is losing a good friend. She doesn't want this, but why can't Jana just back off?

" What's your problem, Jana? Why do you gotta know every goddamn thing that goes on? Why can't you just leave me alone?" Willow barks.

" Because I hate to see you this way, " Jana says softly.

Willow doesn't know if it's the tone, or the words, or the sincere look in Jana's eyes, but something inside breaks. She sits down, leans her head on her hands, and starts to sob.

Jana immediately comes around and holds her, letting Willow sob on her shoulder. After awhile, Willow regains control, and gently pushes away from Jana.

" I dunno what to do, " Willow says, her voice low but for now, in control, " I'm an idiot, I know I'm an idiot, " She laments, " but I love her so much, it aches. It hurts so bad. But … I don't know If I can trust her again. She… just left, left me alone for so long… why didn't she trust me? God. Now I've made her 'prove' her love to me, and I don't want that! I want her! I want her now! I want to touch her so bad, … and I can't because of this stupid thing, this stupid " Woo me, chase me". God, am I a teenager still? I too old for games! But what if I let myself love her , really love her, give in and let it start… and she leaves me again? God I couldn't take that. I'd wanna die. God I wanna die anyway. What the hell is wrong with me???"

" It's pretty serious, Will," Jana teases her gently, " You got it bad. You're in love."

" Not funny," Willow grumbles," Not funny at all!"

"No, it's not funny," Jana agrees, turning serious.

"what'm I gonna do?" Willow looks at Jana hopefully.

" You're asking me?" Jana asks, surprised, " me? Who doesn't do relationships? Queen of the one -nighters? Do I look like Dr. Laura?"

"Please?" Willow begs, looking so sad." Please? Tell me what to do?"

"Oh, god, " Jana replies, not liking this, " Ok, I'll say this, but if it blows up in your face, don't you dare come after me about it, " Jana looks at Willow sideways, then continues, " I figure, you gotta ask yourself two questions. First, can you trust her? I mean, over your whole relationship, everything. Yes or no? If Yes, then nothing to worry about, if No…then is she worth worrying about?" Jana looks at Willow pointedly. To herself, what she knows about Buffy, her answer would be in the negatory. But It's not my decision. She continues, " Ok, the other question. Does she make you happy? When you think about her, do you have a happy, or is it anxiety time? I don't think I need to tell you which one you want."

" So, depending on how you answer those questions, " Jana adds," I think you'll know what to do."

Willow looks at Jana, then away. What she said made sense. She knows she's gotta lotta thinking to do before tomorrow night. And she has to come to a decision… because it's not fair to either Buffy or herself otherwise.

"You know you're not really fired, right?" Willow says, contritely.

" Oh yeah, I know. Only one moron in this office, " Jana replies, " And she has red hair".

They both stand around, awkwardly, not knowing what to say to each other.

" Goodnight, Willow," Jana finally says. She turns to go.

" Goodnight, Jana, " Willow says. " Thank you".

" Yeah, whatever," Jana says, feeling burnt. For the first time ever, she just wants to get far away from here. She leaves.

Willow follows her to the door, and shuts it. She leans against the doorjamb, and sighs.

_When did life get so damned complicated?  
_

* * *

It's Saturday night. _The_ night. Date night.

Buffy is sitting at her vanity, putting the finishing touches on her make-up. She wants everything to be perfect tonight. She steals glances at her dress, and thinks how hot she'll look in it. She smiles, thinkin' Willow's eyes are gonna pop when she sees Buffy in it. She smiles to herself, hoping that's not the only thing she makes pop on Willow tonight. She giggles a little to herself. She checks herself in the mirror again (_Perfect!_) and is ready to stand up and get dressed when her mind shifts gears, and she's feeling a bit less confident.

Face it, Buff. This is just a skirmish in the battle to let Will know your serious girl here. No 'popping' is gonna be happening tonight. Just hope she'll be charmed enough to want to make a second date, third date, etc. If I screw this up, I might as well pack it in. Not getting anymore chances. I hate this, I really wish I could read her heart… have a clue as to what she's feeling. But God, she's so cool about it all. Kinda scary that. I dunno if I can win her over; let's face it. My history in the romance department? Pretty darn crappy. Either they leave me, or die. God, why would she want to be with me with that hanging over it? " Gee, Will," I'd say, " You gotta choice… don't love me, and live, or love me, and die". Oh, yeah, now that's gonna sway her… uh-huh. Yup, Buffy, you got her just where you want her. Uh-huh.

Buffy just stares at her reflection, not really liking the woman staring back at her.

* * *

Willow Rosenberg has clothes strewn all over her bed. She just can't make up her mind.

She must've changed outfits a dozen times, and still can't find something she likes. She is getting close to panic mode. _C'mon, Will, you gotta decide on something here,_ she chides herself, _you're beyond pathetic now. Lots of good stuff to wear here, just choose something!_

It's not the clothing that's making her crazy. That's just a symptom. It's what she and Jana talked about yesterday. What Jana said to her._ Do you trust her? Well… yeah. I trust her with my life. I know if I were in trouble, she'd be right there with me. And no, I'm not sure. Because, she ran away twice when she was in trouble. Ok, so once she was 16 and totally hurting about Angel and that whole mess. And the second time, she says she was 'trying to keep us safe'. Sounds good on paper, but the… pain she caused. Doesn't she get it? Does she really think I'd rather be safe, and think her dead? How could she think that? Maybe a little harsh, Will? She was scared and confused. Yeah, ok, why not turn to your best friend? So how do I know, if things get rough, she won't bolt again? I don't! I wanna believe she'll stick it, but so far, no real proof on that. I wanna believe in her. Or is it she doesn't believe in me? That she feels she can't share everything in me. Maybe I got it wrong. Maybe it's not a matter of me trusting her; rather, it's maybe her trusting me._

_Or maybe I haven't forgiven her yet. Maybe I can't forgive her. Not for all of it. I just don't know. I just don't know!  
_

* * *

_  
_

Buffy is still contemplating herself in the mirror when a pair of green eyes, a mop of strawberry blonde hair, and mischievous smile appear in the mirror beside her. A small pink tongue appears between the lips, and Buffy laughs, her blue funk broken. She hugs Joy close.

" Hey, punkin, whatcha up to?" Buffy asks, turning to her daughter. Mock seriously, she asks, " Or do I want to know?"

" Just wondering what you were looking for, " Joy replies," thought maybe you found hidden treasure behind the mirror".

" Naw, I got my treasure right here!" Buffy says, squeezing her. Joy giggles. " So, kiddo, you ok with Mrs. Burke comin' over and staying with you while Willow and I go out?"

" I guess, " She says, her voice a little petulant. " I still don't know why I can't come".

" Joy , honey, we talked about this, " Buffy said, " sometimes grown ups want a little alone time together. Willow and I are kinda going on a date".

"What's a date?" Joy asks.

" Well, honey , sometimes when two people think they like each other, they go out and share an evening together, to get to know each other better," Buffy explains, " If they do, they'll go out again. Sometimes it leads to … well, them really liking each other, and maybe even falling in love and stuff."

" ' And stuff' ?" Joy asks.

" Well, like getting married" Buffy says.

Joy looks confused and excited at the same time. Buffy sees her expression.

" What is it, sweetie?" Buffy asks.

" Are you and Willow gonna get married?" Joy asks.

* * *

Willow has yet shed and tried on another outfit. She checks herself in the mirror, then shakes her head as if thinking_ What the heck am I thinking with this?_ She starts over to change yet again, when she stops herself.

Stop it, Will. You know what you're doing! You can't decide if you want to go through with this date, and you're putting off the decision. Make up your mind!

_Think. Being with Buffy makes you happy, right? And… thinking about her makes you happy, right? Well.. yeah…but sometimes it makes me crazy too. And sad… and when I think about her running away, it makes me mad. But I guess most of the time, she give me major happy. Ok, that's good, right? Yeah, that's good. So, what's the deal? Why're you making yourself crazy?_

_I can't do this. I just can't do this. I can't risk it. I mean, right now sure she wants me. Or she thinks she wants me. But what if she changes her mind? What if she decides it's wrong, and she can't face telling me? Is she gonna run again? What if she finds… she doesn't love me? Can I take that? Do I wanna know that? Face it, Willow. You're scared. You can't deal with the fact that Buffy might reject you. Why don't you just admit it? You don't think Buffy really wants you. Well, does she? I might just be something to cling to. I mean, she might just see me as … well, like a life preserver. Something to hold onto. She might not love me at all. I mean, not that way. Ok, Will, truth here, if we're gonna do this truth thing. You don't think she could love you, do you? You're afraid of opening your heart to her, cuz you think she's gonna just step all over it. Don't you?_

_No! Buffy wouldn't do that! She wouldn't hurt me for the world. _

_Oh… I get it! You think if she really starts getting too close, she's not gonna love you. But she'll be so afraid to tell you, that she'll hang in anyway… until it gets so bad, you wind up hating each other. That's it, isn't it?_

_No, that's not it!_

Silence.

_Ok, ok… that's it. Happy?_

_So, what're you gonna do?_

_I gotta call this off. This is just wrong. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I gotta stop this before it gets bad._

_That's what you want? Really?_

_No! I want Buffy. But, I … no, I gotta stop this now!_

_Good one? You couldn't have thought of this earlier? What she gonna think?_

_Don't care. Better she think I'm…nuts now, then everything go to hell. Nope. Never shoulda done this in the first place. Bad idea. Bad. Bad idea .Really bad idea. Let's just end this now!_

Willow, while she's still has the nerve, leaves her room and head's towards Buffy's.

* * *

" No, honey, Willow and I aren't getting married, " Buffy chuckles, " Where'd you get that idea?"

" Well, you said…." Joy protests.

Willow stops, hearing the conversation. _I'll come back later. _She starts to leave when the next line stops her.

" Honey, that was just one thing dating can lead to. Anyway, even if I wanted to marry Willow, we couldn't" Buffy says.

_See? Told ya. She doesn't want long term… not really! _But Willow decides to eavesdrop, at least to find out why.

" How come?" Joy asks, not understanding.

" Well… first of all, Marriage is a sacred commitment. You don't just marry anyone. You gotta really love that person, want to spend your life with them". Buffy says.

_Well…what more do you need, Willow? She just said it. She doesn't love you. You're an idiot!_ Willow bites her lip, hoping not to cry.

" Don't you love Willow?" Joy asks.

" Yes, I love her," Buffy says. _Only with everything I got._

_Huh?_ Willow can't believe what she just heard. _She loves me? No… only like a sister, idiot._ But Willow moves a little closer.

" Doesn't Willow love you?" Joy asks.

"I think so… I don't know, honey, really, " Buffy says, " I know I wish she did".

_Huh?_ Willow moves closer._ I musta heard wrong. Did she say she wished I loved her? _

" Well… why don't you ask her?" Joy says, not understanding why her mom hasn't.

Buffy smiles at Joy, " It's not that easy, baby." Buffy says, sighing a little to herself, " There're all kinds of love. I love you, but it's not the same kind of love I feel for Willow," Buffy tries to explain," She might love me, but like … well, like a sister loves another sister. You know?" Joy shakes her head… the concept is just a little beyond her, " Ok, sweetie, maybe we can talk about this when you're older. For now, the love I have for Willow is probably different than the love she has for me."

_NO! No, no, no, no!_ Willow thinks, _So not true!_

Joy, still looking confused, says, " What if it were the same though. Would you marry Willow then? " Joy asks.

"Oh yeah, honey. If she felt the same way I do? I would marry her in a second, " Buffy says, wistfully, " But … I still couldn't, even if we both wanted to."

" Why not? You love her, she loves you… why not?" Joy asks, bewildered.

" Because two women, or two men, can't get married. Only a man and woman can get married, honey" Buffy says.

" Why?" Joy asks.

" Because a lotta people think it's wrong for two women or two men to be married, I guess, " Buffy says.

"Why?"

" Because they think it's wrong" Buffy says, a little sadly.

Joy thinks about that for awhile.

" Well, that's dumb!" Joy pronounces.

Buffy smiles. Out of the mouth of babes.

" Ok, well… say they got smart, and let you get married. And you loved Willow, and she loved you" Joy struggles over this, trying to understand all that she's heard. " Would you marry her?"

" In a second, Joy" Buffy says. Then she looks at her daughter, " that is, if you are ok with that?"

"Well…sure. I love Willow too!" Joy says, without reservation.

Willow stands in the hall, biting her lip harder, keeping the tears at bay. But why she wants to cry is so different now.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that, Joy, " Buffy says, " because… well, I need you to want Willow to be part of our lives. It's important."

"How come?" Joy asks.

"Well, I want you, me and Willow to be family, you know?" Buffy says, " Do you understand?"

" I think so, " Joy says, " Kinda like my friends? Like that? Their families?"

" Yeah, like that, " Buffy says, " Would you like that?"

Joy nods eagerly.

" Me too, " Buffy says, hugging her daughter. " You know, I kinda love you, kiddo!"

" I love you too, mom, " Joy says, hugging her back." So when do we get to be family?"

Buffy smiles, a little sadly, " It's not that easy, honey. Even though you and I want it, not sure Willow does".

" Why not?" Joy asks, sounding upset." Doesn't she love us?"

" I know she loves you, sweetie," Buffy says, trying to soothe Joy's ruffled feathers, " That's so obvious. But, I'm not sure she loves me".

"Why not?" Joy asks, not understanding.

"it's really complicated, sweetie, " Buffy replies, trying to think of a way to make Joy understand. " A long time ago, before you were born, Willow and I were really close. But I made a big mistake, and well, it really hurt Willow", Buffy says, " I didn't mean to, but that doesn't matter, cuz I did. It took a long time for us to get back together, but that's my fault, not hers, " Buffy explains, " But were not as close as we were. I'm not sure she can ever forgive me for hurting her."

" I've done bad things, " Joy says, " You forgave me!"

" That's different. You didn't know any better, " Buffy says, " I did."

"Oh," Joy says. "We're not going to be family then?"

" I dunno. Like I said, it's up to Willow, " Buffy replies. " I've gotta prove to her that I really mean it. That she's the one I love. I don't know how, honey, but I gotta do that".

Willow no longer tries to stop the tears. She's standing in the hall, quietly crying.

"Sweetie? Can you run downstairs now? Wait for Mrs. Burke? I've gotta finish getting ready", Buffy says, her voice low…trying to hide her feelings. She can feel the tears threatening, and she doesn't want Joy to see her cry.

Willow retreats to her own room.

" Ok, mom, " Joy says, starting to leave. She stops and turns around. " Mommy? Don't worry… it's going to be ok!"

Buffy, near tears, gets up and hugs her daughter. " You bet, punkin. As long as I got you, it's ok" She smiles. She kisses the tip of her daughter's nose, which always makes Joy giggle. "Now don't forget, you do what Mrs. Burke tells you, and no trying to stay up past your bedtime like last time, ok?"

" Aw mom!" Joy cries out impatiently.

" No 'Aw, mom' s , young lady " Buffy tries to be stern, but it's hopeless. She softens her tone, " just be good, ok?"

" I will ", Joy says. Looking as if the burden of the world has just been placed on her shoulders, her eyes partially rolled up, she leaves the room.

* * *

Buffy walks over to where her dress is hanging, and stares at it. All the little nagging fears come back to her. _What if I can't do this? What if I can't get her to believe in me again? I know I'll go on, I'll raise Joy, and be happy in her happiness. But am I so wrong to want Will with me? Sharing it with me? Sharing her life with me? Maybe I'm just asking too much. Maybe I just gotta accept it's not going to happen. Call this whole thing off, and just … No, dammit, no. There's gotta be a way for this to happen. I gotta stop running, and face things square on. If I want her in my life, then dammit, I gotta fight for her. Make my case to her, lay it before her feet. Otherwise, it's just a life time of " Shoulda beens, coulda beens" ! I don't wanna be alone anymore! I love her, and dammit she's gonna know that before she turns me down! _Taking off her robe, she hangs it on the hook on the door, and starts to take the dress off its hanger. She hears a faint knock.

Turning around, she holds the dress strategically to hide the fact she's just wearing a half slip and stockings. Willow, dressed in a long red silk robe, is standing at her door.

" Hey, Will, " Buffy says, reaching back for her own robe(feeling strangely shy…_not like it's something she's never seen before!_). She notes that Willow looks a bit … off, and that she doesn't seem near ready. _This isn't good_ Buffy thinks to herself, as she manages to get back into her robe. " C'mon in".

"Hey, Buff." Willow says, " Can we talk?"

Buffy, who's turned around to hang her dress back up, feels an icy knot in her stomach._ Oh God, the ' can we talk?' speech. Now I know this isn't good!_

"Sure, Will," Buffy says, keeping her tone even, "What's up?".

Willow, looking nervous, looks around the room for somewhere to perch. Buffy waves towards her bed. Willow goes and sits, hands folded on her lap. Buffy goes and sits next to her on the bed.

"Buffy, I really don't want to do this tonight", Willow says, looking at the floor, her hands, anything that isn't Buffy.

"Oh, " Buffy says, trying to hide her disappointment, and not really succeeding. " Why not?" She asks, hesitantly. She's not really wanting to hear the answer.

"When I got your note last Saturday morning, I was all jazzed. I thought, I really thought this is what I wanted," Willow says, " I've been thinking about it all week, and I've been torn. But I think now, I don't want to do this. You see…" But Buffy interrupts her.

" No, that's alright, Will. No need to explain, I get it" Buffy can't quite hide the hurt in her voice, try as she might. She gets up, because sitting next to Willow right now is… just wrong.

" Buffy, no, I don't think you understand…." Willow says, getting up. She puts a hand on Buffy's shoulder, but Buffy shrugs her off.

"What's so complicated, Will?" Buffy says, moving away, her voice getting a touch frosty, " You thought maybe you … well, had feelings for me. But I guess you didn't, not really. Not when you thought about it".

" No, Buffy, that's not it at all, " Willow exclaims, a little taken aback at the conclusion Buffy drew, " I just meant…"

"What, Will? What did you mean? What ELSE could you mean?" Buffy says, her temper rising, " I get it, ok? Whatever the reason, you don't want to be with me. Ok. So, how about you go now?"

" Dammit, Buffy! Would you listen to me?" Willow says, her temper hitting a rare peak. " Why are you so darned touchy?"

"Touchy?" Buffy says, not believing what she's hearing, " You come in here, tell me you don't want to be with me, and then when I get upset, I'm touchy? Well, excuse me!". She turns her back.

" When did I say I didn't want to be with you?" Willow shoots back, " When did I say that?"

" Not those _exact words,_" Buffy retorts, " But " I don't want to do this" kinda gets the message across, don't you think?"

" Maybe if you listened to me for one second, Buffy," Willow said, exasperated, " You'd know what I meant, rather than jumping to _wrong_ conclusions".

"Fine, " Buffy says, still with her back to Willow. She folds her arms, and waits. When Willow doesn't start, she adds, impatiently, " Well? I'm listening!"

" Would you please look at me when I'm talking to you?" Willow says, " Kinda rude talking to your back!"

Buffy turns around, arms folded across her chest. " Better?" She asks, sarcastically.

" Much!" Willow says, her tone withering, " I swear Buffy Summers, you're the most pig-headed, stubborn woman I've ever met!"

"Oh, thanks, Will, that clears it all up. I'm so much happier now, " Buffy says scathingly, " If you're done insulting me, think you can leave now?"

"Fine by me!" Willow says, her ears turning red. She starts to storm out, stiffens, and turns. Her face is set in resolve mode, " No way! I'm gonna say what I came here to say, and you're gonna listen to me for once, Buffy Summers!" She marches back to Buffy, and stands looking at her, eye to eye.

"What? Not tired of hurting me yet? Well, go ahead, then. Shoot" Buffy says, glaring back at her.

"I'm not trying to hurt you, Buffy!" Willow says, " Goddess, that's the LAST thing I want to do!"

Buffy's temper breaks, and with it, her defenses fall.

" I know, Will, " Buffy says, her voice getting low, " You were trying to let me down easy. But it hurts to think you don't want me. I'm sorry."

"There you go again," Willow says, but not unkindly, " you're putting words in my mouth. I never said I don't want you. You nut, I want you so bad … Goddess," Willow sighs, a little frustrated " you're awfully dumb!".

"Yeah, pretty dumb thinking… huh? What'd you say?" Buffy's face is classic.

"That's my girl. Sweet, not too bright" Buffy chides her gently." What I don't want, Buffy, is to play games anymore. I finally figured that out. Guess I'm kinda dumb, too". Willow smiles a rueful smile.

" Is this just a game then?" Buffy asks, clearly hurt. " It's so not a game to me!"

" I'm doing this badly, " Willow sighs," Buffy, how I feel about you isn't a game. But, I told you I wanted you to "chase me , woo me". That was a game. I guess I was… well, heck, I wanted to feel like I was important to you. I wanted you to prove you needed me. That you weren't going to skip out first sign of bad times. You've gotta admit, I've got a right, you know, considering."

" I know, Will, " Buffy says, ruefully, " I've screwed up bad in the past. Run away from my problems. But, you gotta believe me, Will, I want this to be different. You and me, I want it to be different" Buffy looks at her, a pleading look in her eyes.

" I know Buffy," Willow says, " I wasn't sure until tonight. But now I do know."

Buffy's expression is bewildered.

" I heard you talking to Joy earlier," Willow confesses.

"Willow!" Buffy cries, " You weren't supposed to hear that! That … that was private!" Buffy blushes.

" I know, and I'm sorry I eavesdropped," Willow apologizes, " but hey, no I'm really not that sorry!" Willow corrects herself. " Buffy, frankly, I was in the hall cuz I was coming to cancel the date, but for a different, far different reason," Willow explains, " see, I've been going back and forth on this whole dating/ relationship thing all week. Frankly, Buffy, I've been running scared as a bunny, " Willow pauses, cuz this is hard, " Frankly, Buffy, I just didn't believe you."

"What?" Buffy says.

" When you said you loved me, I … I just couldn't accept it. I couldn't believe that you loved me," Willow says, beginning to feel really foolish, " I know, really dumb, but … I guess I just couldn't believe that you … really wanted me … me… you could have anybody, Buff, " Willow says, " and frankly, lets admit it here. You've never really shown any … gay feelings before. It's always been guys for you. So, you tell me you want me… what'm I supposed to think?"

" Ok, who's the' sweet girl, but not too bright' one now?" Buffy says, not sure if she's angry or what, " God, Willow, have you been paying attention? Did you get a look at my picture of the guy I was thinking of marrying… Joy's father? Did you notice a strange resemblance to a certain red-haired person who'll remain nameless but is named after a little tree? Do you really think it was coincidence that he happened to look enough like you to be your twin brother?" She gets right into Willow's face, literally. Her nose is scant inches from Willow's, " And exactly what is this happy crap about 'someone like me' not wanting 'someone like you'? Have you checked a mirror lately, Will? You're an attractive, funny, sweet, loving and frankly, beautiful woman. Who the hell's been telling you different?".

"Buffy!" Willow cries, turning about 6 shades of red, but oh so loving it.

" I thought we did this already, Will. God, what do I have to do to make you believe I love you? I don't get it, I …" Buffy trails off. She's out of words, out of ideas. She feels it's hopeless. _Willow is just going to never believe I really, truly love her. What does it take?_ " Will, maybe I was wrong. Maybe I just can't make you see how I feel. I don't know what to do. You're the smart one here, help me out a little, ok?"

" Buffy, let me finish, then you can decide what you want to do, ok?" Willow asks.

Buffy nods, maybe hoping she can find some way to convince Willow of her love, once and for all.

"After Tara, I was lost. I didn't want to feel anything anymore. I didn't know what I wanted to do anymore, but love? No, not what I wanted. Then Kennedy came along, " Willow says, " and she blew right through my rather weak defenses. So, I fell again. I really wanted it to last with her. But I should've known better. She was young, she was a little wild, and she wasn't ready to settle down. The harder I tried to hold her, the harder she pulled away, and then one day, it was over, and she was gone! After that, I just stopped caring, " Willow, feeling uncomfortable, stands up and paces, " I admit, one part of me so wanted you to come, to comfort me. But another part? Glad you didn't."

Again, Buffy is a study in confused girl.

" The part of me that wanted you? That wanted you as more than a friend? Knew I wasn't ready for you to be there… not really. Frankly, if you'd come, we probably wouldn't have remained friends." Willow, feeling ashamed, can't look at Buffy.

" Will! How could you think that? I'd always be your friend, " Buffy protests.

" Not you, Buffy. I know you would do your best to comfort me. But the way I was feeling, the hurt I felt? I would've lashed out at you, because you're the one person left that I really, really … goddess, even in the depths of my misery, I loved you. And I wanted someone to hurt like I did." Willow still is looking away from Buffy, not wanting to see her reaction. " After that, I just shut down. Built walls to protect myself. Threw myself into my work, and kept a distance from everyone."

"Then you disappeared. I thought you were dead, I died a lot inside, Buffy. I can't tell you what I felt, only tell you that I withdrew more. Life, living, didn't interest me. Nothing really interested me. I was going through the motions of living."

" And then, like magic, you're back. And I got crazy, because of how you hurt me. Sorry, I tried to make it like righteous anger over hurting all your friends, but it was ME I was thinking of when I went postal. I wanted to hurt you so badly to just make you feel a little of what I'd felt all those years. And dammit, half that anger was self directed, did you know that?" Willow finally looks back at Buffy.

"No, " Buffy says simply," I was pretty convinced it was all meant for me."

" Thing was, while I was so angry I couldn't see straight, my heart was doing leaps in my chest because damn it you were alive! I was angrier than hell at you for what you did, but … fuck me, I was happy!" Buffy does a double take… Willow uses a serious swear word once every 5 years or so. " the blood was surging through me, I felt …something… and I, for the first time in 10 years, I felt alive!" Willow turns, and walks over to Buffy, standing in front of her. " I accused you of running away from your troubles, but damn me if I wasn't doing the same thing. I was running from life, because it scared me. I was afraid to live, Buffy. Afraid to do anything but exist."

" Then you start hinting, and not so hinting, that you wanted me. Loved me. Wanted to be with me. Everything I ever wanted, you were handing me on a platter. And I panicked. I … I couldn't take being hurt again. I couldn't take opening my heart to you, and then … well, you finding it was a mistake, and leaving me. Or worse, trying to stick it out, fake it, until you ended up hating me."

"So, I went to your room, to cancel the date. To stay safe. Better safe than sorry, huh?" Willow says," And I heard you talking to Joy, so I waited for you to finish… and I heard what you told her". Willow kneels before Buffy, putting her hands on Buffy's knees. " It was everything I ever wanted to hear, Buffy, " Willow says, her voice low, " It's everything I wanted. I knew then what an idiot I was being."

" Buffy, I know that … we've still got a lot to work out. I know that trust has to be built between us again. I know all that, " Willow says, " And… all I can think is… can we skip all that and just get to the kissing?" Willow's eyes are wide, a little shiny with tears. But more than that, her desire and her love shine through.

Buffy looks into Willows face, and a whimpering sound emerges from her. And suddenly, they are kissing

And kissing, and kissing. They fall on the floor, their lips locked together. Too many years of pent up love, need, and desire are being expressed in a kiss. It lingers, going on and on, little mewling whimpering noises coming from each of them. Finally, out of breath, needing to breathe, they part lips, reluctantly. They look deeply into each others eyes.

"Ummm… Will?" Buffy pants.

" Yes?" Willow replies, panting right along with Buffy.

" Exactly how stupid are we?" Buffy asks, giggling softly.

" Uhhh… well, I think we broke the stupid-o-meter" Willow giggles.

" too much talk, kiss now" Buffy says, and she does.

The kiss is more intense, yet there is an underlying gentleness to it, a sweetness. Both women's lips explore the others, and they move together, their arms going around each other. They can feel their hearts beating together. It's a warm, lush, sensual kiss. Lingering as they exchange feelings they can't express with mere words. They finally part again, each smiling a soft, hungry smile.

" mmmmm" Buffy murmurs.

" me too, " Willow sighs, so hating that Buffy's lips are so far away. Like, inches.

"need more, lots more" Buffy says, hungrily.

" me too" Willow says, matching Buffy's hunger.

" Oh, no!" Buffy cries, sitting up.

"What?" Willow says, panicking right where she is on the floor.

" Joy. Mrs. Burke. Downstairs, now. Gotta fix that!" Buffy breathes out… so not wanting to leave those soft Willow lips.

* * *

They get up, losing a few more minutes in a kiss that just COULDN'T be put off, then go downstairs, only stopping twice to kiss again. Finally, downstairs, they dismiss the confused Mrs. Burke( whom Willow pays double for not babysitting… much to Mrs. Burke's delight). After she is gone, they scoop up Joy, and over her protests, put her to bed. After both give her lots of hugs and good night kisses(which the girl laps up like honeyed milk), she settles in. They stand for a little while, hand in hand, watching her drift off to sleep.

They walk down the hall to Willow's room, Buffy slipping her arm around Willow's waist, leaning against her a little. They enter Will's room, and quietly shut the door.

* * *

They stand facing each other, and a tiny bit of shyness lingers. Especially for Buffy, as this is her first time with another woman. It's rather weird for her. Not in a bad way, just… she's never really contemplated it…except in her fantasies. She's had lots and lots of those; but this is real life now… and she's feeling more than a little nervous.

Willow, more experienced, realizes Buffy's hesitation. She walks over, and takes Buffy into her arms. They kiss briefly, then kiss again, this one lingering on. When the kiss ends, she looks into Buffy's eyes, and smiles.

" Baby, if you're feeling too nervy, we don't have to do this right now. We can just kiss and hug", Willow says, trailing her finger down Buffy's sleeve. Buffy finds that sooo sexy, " Nothing has to be rushed, we have lots of time."

"No… I want to. I just, " Buffy blushes, " Well, I'm afraid I'll do it wrong".

Willow chuckles softly, and reaches out, untying Buffy's sash.

"What? What's so funny?" Buffy protests.

" You, you silly goose, " Willow says, softly and seductively, " Whatever you do, it won't be 'wrong'. " Willow pushes Buffy's robe off her shoulders, letting it puddle onto the floor. She smiles when she sees Buffy's hardened nipples, her excitement pretty obvious. Kneeling before Buffy, she tugs at Buffy's half slip, pulling it off her soft flared hips, and it, like the robe, is pooled around her feet. Willow takes a second to breath in Buffy's unique womanly scent, and see feels her own excitement increasing.

Standing up, she takes Buffy's hand and leads her to the bed. She sits her down, and again, she kneels before her. She rolls Buffy's stockings off her legs, one at a time, slowly, letting her fingers caress over Buffy's firm thighs and calves. She hears Buffy make a soft mewling sound, and, looking up, notices a wet spot on Buffy's otherwise pristine white panties. She smiles softly, realizing that Buffy is very excited indeed.

"Somebody's been naughty" Willow says, low and throaty. Looking up at her lover's face, she sees Buffy is indeed flushed. Her lips are parted, and look very wet. Her eyes are looking down at Willow, and the desire is obvious. Seeing, and smelling, how turned on Buffy is, only increases Willows sexual excitement. She knows her own sex is probably even moister than her lover's. Feeling particularly wicked, she reaches up, and strokes Buffy's sex through her panties. She feels Buffy shiver, and her smile turns wicked at all the delicious thing she can think of doing to her.

Willow stands up, letting her fingers trail up Buffy's thighs. Buffy, emboldened by Willows touches, and feeling naughty, reaches out and undoes the sash on Willow's robe. Willow smiles at Buffy's bravado, and kicking away her slippers, shrugs, causing her robe to fall at her feet. She stands proudly before Buffy, totally nude.

Buffy takes a minute to take in the sight of the sensual, nude Willow. Willow has in the years since she was a teen, filled out a bit, her curves more filled. Buffy, feeling a little shy, reaches out and touches her. She finds Will's skin incredibly soft to the touch, almost silky. Willow quivers under Buffy's touch, little chills running up and down her spine. When Buffy's fingertips brush over her nipples, she gasps audibly, and almost impossibly, they seem to harden even further, as if reaching out to Buffy's fingertips. She can't believe the fire that Buffy's almost innocent touches are building inside of her. Willow, as much as she's loving Buffy's explorations, has nasty little plans for her lover, and things might spin out of control way too quickly if she allows her to continue her explorations. She gently takes Buffy's hands in her own, and deposits them onto Buffy's lap.

Moving fluidly, almost snake-like, she glides around Buffy, letting her body caress against Buffy's as she moves behind her. Wrapping her arms around Buffy's waist, she pulls her close. Buffy can feel Willows hardened nipples pressing into her back, and can feel the softness of Will's body pressing against her own. Almost on cue, she leans against Willow, exposing her neck as her head rests on Willow's shoulder.

Willow gently rubs her hands over Buffy's tummy, and leans in, whispering softly in her ear," I want to be naughty. Do you want to be naughty with me?" She says, her lips almost caressing against Buffy's ear. Buffy, moans softly.

" Oh, god, yes, I want to be naughty with you, " Buffy hisses, her body starting to catch fire. Willow licks Buffy's neck, and Buffy lets out a low moan." Oh god, you're killing me here, " Buffy groans, " Kill me more, please"

Willow laughs softly then bites Buffy's neck , not hard, but enough to send streams of fire through Buffy. Her hands come up, and cup Buffy's breasts, her thumbs lightly rubbing over the achingly hard nipples. Buffy whimpers, her body shivering in increasing lust. She presses harder against Willow, her butt pressing hard against Willow's sex. Buffy's squirming manages to just make Willow more excited. Willow finds her own breathing becoming ragged. Buffy turns her head, and their lips meet in a fiery kiss. Their lips open, their tongues slashing in and out of each other's mouth. Moans come from both the women, lost in the kiss.

Willow's hand slides down Buffy's tummy, and under the elastic of her panties. Her clever fingers begin to stroke Buffy's sex, driving her to new heights of lust and need . Buffy's hips begin to buck, and Willow finds her bud, and strokes it lightly, causing Buffy to let out a low, deep groan. Willow cover's Buffy's mouth with her own, sucking in her tongue as her fingers work her magic on Buffy. Soon Buffy is thrusting down on Willow's fingers, her mouth sucking on Willows tongue. Her conscious thoughts are gone, it's all just feeling and fire and movement. Willow, knowing her stuff, teases her, slowing and increasing her pace, until Buffy is nearly wild with desire. She so needs release, and The Wicked Wily Willow is making her crazy with her nasty game. Her kiss becomes fierce as her need builds, her tongue moving in time with her hips. Then slowly, from the center of her being, a wave of pure fire shoots through her, followed by an icy storm. Willow gently squeezes her bud, and Buffy feels like she is exploding into a million pieces of fire and ice. She can feel nothing but Willow's hand sending into wave after wave of Orgasm. She feels as if her body has been pulled apart…drifting into space in all directions. Slowly, as Willow holds her, she feels herself come back together, the pleasure and pain from the intensity of her orgasm wiping out any other sensations.

When she can speak coherently again, no longer reduced to grunts and sighs and gibberish, she looks into Willow's eyes and says softly, " Oh god, what've you done to me? I've never felt like that before". She snuggles closer to Willow, who's pulled her around and is holding her in her arms, and her lips seek her lover's. The kiss is long and tender, tongues gently playing as Buffy floats gently back to earth.

But soon her lover's lips are not enough for Buffy. She wants to taste her all over. Her lips move down Willow's neck, and she gently bites and sucks on the skin. Willow sighs and whimpers her approval, loving the soft feel of Buffy's lips. Buffy kisses lower, covering Will's upper chest with tender wet kisses. Willow, already excited, the fires stoking in her belly, is pushed higher as her lover caresses her with her mouth. Buffy repositions herself, kneeling in front of her lover, and lowers her mouth to Willows breast. Willow gasps as Buffy's tongue gently teases her hard nipple and areola, sending shockwaves of pleasure through Willow. When Buffy bites her nipple, Willow moans.

Buffy, now in control, lifts Willow up, and inserts her thigh between Willow's legs. Cradling her in her arms, she returns to Willow's breast, as Willow almost instinctively begins to rub her moist sex against Buffy's thigh. Buffy moves her mouth from breast to breast, her lips doing sweetly naughty things that make Willow go crazy. Her pelvis rubs harder against Buffy's thigh, creating a hot friction that begins to shoot hot bolts of pleasure through her. Her head leans back in utter lust and craving, and her moans become louder and deeper. The friction and fire on her sex intensifies as she pushes harder against Buffy's thigh, her moisture beginning to flow. Her moans change to groans and grunts, deep and guttural, as her hips rock up and down against Buffy. When her orgasm comes, the first in a wave, her mind shatters into little fragments, her busy thoughts becoming nothing but intense pleasurable feelings. Wave after wave strikes her, tossing her this way and that, and she doesn't care, because the pleasure is so intense, it's almost painful. She cries out, and the largest orgasm hits her. She stiffens in Buffy's arms, and for a second everything in her body stops… everything is concentrated into a fiery center of pure pleasure and intense feeling. Then her heart starts to beat again, her breathing comes back, and exhausted, she falls back against the bed. Buffy comes to her, and encircles her in her arms and legs, holding her close in the aftermath of her shattering orgasm.

They rest for awhile in each other's arms. They hold on, looking deeply into each others eyes, their love shining brightly. The kisses they share are small, loving and soft. But they are like addicts, and soon the touches and kisses become more insistent, more probing, more exciting. They make love repeatedly that first night, passion and tenderness melding, their explorations and discoveries becoming more intimate, sweeter. Their bodies twine and untwine, they discover new ways to pleasure each other, new and exciting ways to touch, to kiss, to bite, and to tongue, which merely adds to the sensuality of their love. But on a deeper, emotional level, it's as if their souls merge, become one. Doubts, fears, uncertainties fall away, and are replaced with a deep, abiding love. Their hearts, sensing the union of their souls, seem to beat as one. They find a happiness, a closeness so long denied them; a peace so deep it invades the very core of their souls.

Finally, after hours of sweet love, their bodies give out, and exhaustion claims them. They move together, spooning tightly, as if the very thought of not touching is abhorrent. As sleep comes to claim them, they realize that there is still so much to do. So much that has to be worked out. But they know, somehow, they'll make it. That apart they're strong, but together, they're invincible.

* * *

Fin. 


End file.
